Day 17 of 30: If You Really Knew Me...
A prompt on connecting across great divides by Noor Tagouri
“The news is hard to watch” is a phrase we’ve all said countless times in the last year—and yet this week it feels especially hard. I’m flooded with a mixture of outrage and sorrow at more news of police brutality, of another mass shooting—but also a sense of despair. At times I think it’s hopeless to think that we’ll ever rid ourselves of these ills, that we’ll ever live together peacefully. And yet, I also know it’s a terrible mistake to lose hope.
With that in mind, we’re honored to share this prompt from the journalist Noor Tagouri, sharing a practice of hers that encourages connection, even across the greatest divides.
Much love,
Suleika
If You Really Knew Me by Noor Tagouri
I have known I wanted to tell stories since the age of three, and for years now, I’ve toured the world, speaking about breaking barriers through storytelling. One way I do this is with an exercise called “if you really knew me.”
I first did this activity in South Dakota at an event where I was told—upon my arrival—that I’d been booked as a speaker because there was a “white supremacy problem on campus,” and the students were hoping my speech could “help fix it.” [*nervous laugh*] When I walked into the room of 600 people, I could feel the energy of mistrust and fear—and I was also projecting my own. I didn’t know how I would connect with them. But I later realized that most of the audience was feeling the same thing, for other reasons.
They said things like:
“If you really knew me, you’d know I still collect stuffed animals to feel less alone.”
“If you really knew me, you’d know I was sexually assaulted at 15 and told to shut up about it when I spoke up.”
“If you really knew me, you’d know I never feel good enough and I don’t deserve the position I have at work.”
When I do this exercise with a room full of people, inevitably it leads to vulnerability, then to strength through connection. The story of “if you really knew me” has become the story of every paused breath in an interview. Every time people have poured their hearts out to me in person or in a letter from thousands of miles away. It’s the story of all of us. It’s the reminder and the constant. The foundation of it all. It’s where I have found myself over and over again and have found light in others when it barely flickered.
Your prompt for today:
Complete the sentence: “If you really knew me...” You can write one or many of these statements. Then sit with them. Ask yourself: What would your life be like if people knew these things about you? How would your circle of friends change? What about your job?
When you are known and lean into yourself, people have no power over you. And chances are, they will find comfort—because more often than you realize, they’re going through things too. So much love and peace to you all.