Hello, I timidly write this as I don’t typically comment online. I have stage 4 pancreatic cancer, known to me since April 2024. Your musings and inspiring words hit me deep, as we are sharing some of the same journey at times. Chemo every two weeks for me. Seeing how we are wiped out from the side effects yet preciously holding on to who we are. This I’ve struggled with as well. Can I please have more “good days” in between treatments? I have not found a support group and so I look forward to seeing your posts. I relate to your beautiful words and the insight and vulnerability you share with us. I hope you have a wonderfully weird time at the Super Bowl.
Suleika, you inspire me, in more ways I can express. I am watching Jon sing the American Anthem, and the piano is your Anthem. Jon, you too are a shining light leading us on our journey. Love and Blessings,
Susan - I hope you can feel the support of this group.🤍 So many of us know the journey that you’re on. May your reach for connection here help you feel a little bit like yourself. And may the days ahead lean good.
Just last week my dear brother celebrated his 17 th year of life after Pancreatic Cancer diagnosis. He had the Whipple surgery and all the treatments. He is still with us! Keep fighting!
Susan, I hope today is a good day. There are some great private groups on facebook. I urge you to find a support group...in person or on facebook. There's also Imermans Angels, which provides FREE 1:1 mentoring. Has someone told you about Cleaning for a Reason?
A few nights ago, my stepson played a gig under a tent at a cidery. I didn’t want to go because it was cold, but my husband insisted we needed to get out of the house. We’d been stuck inside for a while because I’d been struggling with chronic pneumonia. I’d also been feeling quite anxious and depressed about the activities of the new president.
My heart began to lighten as I listened to the music. I was proud of my stepson—he is so talented. Then I looked around the tent at all the people who were there. At one table, several women were painting designs on rocks. Next to them was a raucous group of friends laughing and sharing stories. Closest to the stage were several tables where people were intently listening. Everyone seemed happy.
We were all enjoying music on a cold winter night as we sipped delicious cider.
I felt positively connected to the world for the first time in a very long time.
I was feeling really down, nothing specific, just the world in general. I went to a live concert to hear Kalos, a trio who plays Celtic-type music. In that space, in the dark, eyes closed, I felt the music suffuse me. The heaviness lifted like smoke blowing from a smoldering log and I came back to myself.
Suleika, this post from today is one of the most beautiful to me! And truly inspiring. Rachmaninoff's Second Piano Concerto never fails to touch me to the core. To me, it feels like an essence—how from the depths of despair and turmoil, otherworldly beauty and clarity can emerge (minute 7!).
So many things pop into my mind…paintings, music, nature. What I’m holding onto is a yarn shop! Sometimes I feel so moved at the beauty of skeins of yarn stacked in colorful arrangements of colors and textures. There is so much beauty in the colors and some arrangements are truly like a work of art. I love to knit and the yarn shop experience to me is a moving part of the process sometimes.
I know exactly what you mean and never put words to it before. It’s like going into a library. The world is full and beautiful and open to possibility.
Good morning All. Sueika Thank you so much. Your sharing of your heart is a blessing. A beautiful journey and one to watch for today, really the only one to look for today in New Orleans. And thank you to everyone for all your kind and heartfelt thoughts last week. I am very grateful to this community.
There are paintings that bring delight and cause me to wish I could transform and be there in the flesh...magical landscapes like those of the Hudson River School paintings. There is a painter I have fallen in love with, Hillary Scott. In one of her paintings, the the light is peaking through the trees and seems to cast little balls of light onto the water below. It looks to be early morning. It's magical. I can stare at her landscapes for hours.
Linda, thank you for sharing about the beauty of Hillary Scott’s paintings. I just researched her art. Her works are glorious, and the way the light draws one into her paintings is magical.
Last week I was in Calcutta working as a volunteer for mother Teresa’s missionaries of charity. I was putting lotion on a woman’s face , a face made beautiful with time and loss, hope restored and resignation to my love. I was so grateful to her, so touched by her allowing me to touch her, to serve her, to share love with her.
This week I’m back home with family and friends (and my own bed!) I want to be able to share love that way here too. I want to experience that same humbleness of love in giving and receiving. Can you imagine a world where we treated each other as brothers and sisters, members of our own family?
Thank you dearest Suleiika for sharing yourself with us your brothers and sisters. You are in my prayers.
Good morning! A perfect prompt, as always! Suleika, as I read your writing this morning, I found myself rooting for you on every level and it is so wonderful that you were able to seize this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity! I am excited to see it! As for myself, it has been years and years, more than 15 years since I created art from a deep place within, a place we all share inside ourselves. When I was living in Saratoga Springs and the girls were finishing high school, and I had gone through a messy divorce I drew pencil sketches that were so expressive, tottering on the line of Dark and Divine. I occasionally hear that same voice, feel that same vision within tugging at me, draw this, draw that, there Is so much inside me, both dark & light, begging to be expressed! On another note, I am not one to watch spectator sports but I will be sure to tune in tonight to watch Jon & search for you in the crowd! ♡
“Hit a home run!” I laughed so hard at that. I’m so grateful you found some relief, a pause long enough to allow you to reemerge. I’ll be cheering on you and Jon tonight along with my Philly Birds. 🦅
The Eagles invited a friend of my family to the game, a young man named Ryan who was badly injured in the terrorist attack in NOLA on New Year’s Eve. His best friend was killed. The two met as football players for Princeton. Ryan grew up in my neighborhood and is good friends with my daughter. Your butterfly theme made me think of him too. Enjoy the game!
Suleika. You are so brave. All you have to deal with and never give up hope. And your little pup is right there peeking over your shoulder to make sure you keep moving forward. My favorite inspirational music is Samuel Barber's Adagio for Strings. It lifts and lifts as the strings shimmer upward to their climax. The first time I heard it in concert I felt like I was rising from my seat. I will definitely watch for you tomorrow at the Super Bowl while Jon performs. Can't wait to see your painted piano masterpiece. Much love and hope to you always.♥️
Suleika- this really touched me. I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 2017 at the age of 35. While I am currently one of the luckier people with this disease, the fatigue and lack of immune system has impacted me and my husband’s life. I’m currently on day 6 of being very sick. This year is our 20th wedding anniversary (yes we married when we were young). He continues to ask me where I’d like to go for our anniversary- Europe? Mexico? South America? I continue to stall because the real answer is bed. I want to rest. But you’ve inspired me here. I will talk to my medical team and ask for help. Surely there’s something they can give me for a boost? B12? More vitamin D? I don’t know. But I miss living. I am existing. I’m going to chase the “butterfly” of answers this week. It’s time to go. I’m serious. 🦋
I am always preaching this to others with newfound medical challenges. Yet here I am forgetting myself! I can’t wait to see your beautiful creation and am so proud of you for saying yes! Why is yes harder than no? I’ll take your lead and will try for a “yes” day today 🦋
Dear Sandi, your beautiful words inspire me to take a chance on a butterfly adventure 🦋 My home is my safe place, too, with my doctors close at hand and my comfy bed. I was diagnosed with Crohn's in 1995 as a freshman in college and it has led to so many complications that lately I'm scared to make plans. Scared of how it will feel if I need to cancel and retreat.
I hope your medical team finds a path for you to celebrate your 20th anniversary in way that brings you joy! Best wishes and I hope you find yourself dreaming of destinations and then packing your suitcase soon ❤️
I love the idea of butterfly adventures! And I’m relieved to hear I’m not the only one trying to dare myself out of the cocoon. Why is it so easy to remain safely stagnant while the world turns? I’m grateful for this chat, thanks for your comment 🦋
Thank you, Sandi! I'm grateful, too. I also want to be out in the world and to be a part of it all - and yet it can feel so daunting. I totally get it! We are strong and we can do this, inching forward little by little until we take flight ☺️
Suleika, I'll be greedy (or at least indecisive) and name three experiences such as you describe. The first is the cello. I am not a musician and so I don't know the note or the key being played but the sound of a cello vibrates inside me and almost always makes me cry regardless of the piece. What's up with that?
The second was watching the animated film Flow with my granddaughter. The entire film was beautiful and nourishing but the scene with the Secretarybird ascending into light after it's journey is an image I will never forget and the conversation it prompted a treasure in itself.
But, my most recent experience with art that "transcended enjoyment and overwhelmed me with its power" is your post this morning.
For years I lived with a husband and two sons who loved football. As soon as the season started I retreated into my room to read, or write or paint. Then I got a nasty type of fast growing, more-likely-to-reoccur breast cancer and my relationship with all things around me changed, including football. I no longer wanted to be left out, or rather, not accept my boys’ invitations to join in. I began to watch football, and even though my chemo-riddled brain wasn’t processing things well, I liked it! I liked to be swept up in the moment of rooting for “my” (always changing) team with “my” guys. I even eat chips, as long as it’s with guacamole.
Chemo and radiation have been over for months. But, I can still recall that ardent feeling of wanting to live and to be involved in all things living. Especially during these deeply divided times, where I find myself arguing “against” so much, I recognize how lucky I am to be caught-up with my loved ones in rooting *for* something. Go. Chiefs!
I’ve watched you from afar for so long, Suelika. I wanted to thank you for showing me, showing all of us how to live.
I was listening to Judy Collins sing Marat Sade this morning and brought back memories of seeing the play in Berlin at that time. And other times and now times. I remembered Mehitabel the cat who says after many litters "There is life in the Old dame yet"-- I believed that at 18 and 80..onward.. that gives me joy.. and I love this prompt.. and have never been to a football game... cheers American Dreamer and cheers Suleika.
Hello, I timidly write this as I don’t typically comment online. I have stage 4 pancreatic cancer, known to me since April 2024. Your musings and inspiring words hit me deep, as we are sharing some of the same journey at times. Chemo every two weeks for me. Seeing how we are wiped out from the side effects yet preciously holding on to who we are. This I’ve struggled with as well. Can I please have more “good days” in between treatments? I have not found a support group and so I look forward to seeing your posts. I relate to your beautiful words and the insight and vulnerability you share with us. I hope you have a wonderfully weird time at the Super Bowl.
To more good days! Sending you so much love, Susan ❤️
Suleika, you inspire me, in more ways I can express. I am watching Jon sing the American Anthem, and the piano is your Anthem. Jon, you too are a shining light leading us on our journey. Love and Blessings,
Christine
An exquisite thought ….. the piano being Suleika’s anthem. Beautiful!
Susan - I hope you can feel the support of this group.🤍 So many of us know the journey that you’re on. May your reach for connection here help you feel a little bit like yourself. And may the days ahead lean good.
Sending you a big hug
Hi Susan, sending best wishes and hugs (if you accept hugs). Thank you for sharing.
Just last week my dear brother celebrated his 17 th year of life after Pancreatic Cancer diagnosis. He had the Whipple surgery and all the treatments. He is still with us! Keep fighting!
God bless you, Susan! Thank you for sharing your self with us.
Hoping today is a “good day” and you have many more soon!
Your post touched me. Sending you a gentle hug and a wish for more and more good days.
Susan, I hope today is a good day. There are some great private groups on facebook. I urge you to find a support group...in person or on facebook. There's also Imermans Angels, which provides FREE 1:1 mentoring. Has someone told you about Cleaning for a Reason?
💛
Thank you for commenting, Susan. That was brave of you, and I hope you are feeling the love coming your way from this extraordinary community. ❤️🩹
Wishing you more good days. Welcome to this wonderful loving community.❤️
Susan, we'll all be thinking of you now, and I hope you'll feel the power of that care.
May more good days pile up as you push through. ♥️
Sending you strength, love and gentle hugs, Susan. ❤️
Wishing you many good days ahead 🩷
You’ve emerged! You found a spot of freedom to gift your painting to your co-pilot, the universe. I feel the lift of the butterfly. I feel its wings.
Chemo smashes us up. Our bodies are devastated. But our souls find a little slice of light and we wiggle through. I am so glad you did.
🦋 🩵✌🏽
A few nights ago, my stepson played a gig under a tent at a cidery. I didn’t want to go because it was cold, but my husband insisted we needed to get out of the house. We’d been stuck inside for a while because I’d been struggling with chronic pneumonia. I’d also been feeling quite anxious and depressed about the activities of the new president.
My heart began to lighten as I listened to the music. I was proud of my stepson—he is so talented. Then I looked around the tent at all the people who were there. At one table, several women were painting designs on rocks. Next to them was a raucous group of friends laughing and sharing stories. Closest to the stage were several tables where people were intently listening. Everyone seemed happy.
We were all enjoying music on a cold winter night as we sipped delicious cider.
I felt positively connected to the world for the first time in a very long time.
So beautiful! A much needed reprieve ❤️❤️
Can’t wait to see your creation tonight!
I was feeling really down, nothing specific, just the world in general. I went to a live concert to hear Kalos, a trio who plays Celtic-type music. In that space, in the dark, eyes closed, I felt the music suffuse me. The heaviness lifted like smoke blowing from a smoldering log and I came back to myself.
Feels good, doesn’t it?
Thank you for this reminder!
It is often so hard to get up and out when we aren’t feeling our best selves. So happy you had a lovely evening.
Thanks!
Suleika, this post from today is one of the most beautiful to me! And truly inspiring. Rachmaninoff's Second Piano Concerto never fails to touch me to the core. To me, it feels like an essence—how from the depths of despair and turmoil, otherworldly beauty and clarity can emerge (minute 7!).
Love this! You’re inspiring me to return to Rachmaninoff!! ❤️
So many things pop into my mind…paintings, music, nature. What I’m holding onto is a yarn shop! Sometimes I feel so moved at the beauty of skeins of yarn stacked in colorful arrangements of colors and textures. There is so much beauty in the colors and some arrangements are truly like a work of art. I love to knit and the yarn shop experience to me is a moving part of the process sometimes.
Love this celebration of yarn—a great reminder that there’s beauty even in the potential for beauty! ❤️
"There is beauty even in the potential for beauty!" So perfect, Suleika. How I love this statement. Said by a fellow yarn lover. Thanks, Susan.
I know exactly what you mean and never put words to it before. It’s like going into a library. The world is full and beautiful and open to possibility.
Good morning All. Sueika Thank you so much. Your sharing of your heart is a blessing. A beautiful journey and one to watch for today, really the only one to look for today in New Orleans. And thank you to everyone for all your kind and heartfelt thoughts last week. I am very grateful to this community.
There are paintings that bring delight and cause me to wish I could transform and be there in the flesh...magical landscapes like those of the Hudson River School paintings. There is a painter I have fallen in love with, Hillary Scott. In one of her paintings, the the light is peaking through the trees and seems to cast little balls of light onto the water below. It looks to be early morning. It's magical. I can stare at her landscapes for hours.
I just looked her up and wow! Thank you!
Isn't she amazing?
Yes! That light.
Love this reverberation so much!
I just looked her up, as well. Astounding!!
Linda, thank you for sharing about the beauty of Hillary Scott’s paintings. I just researched her art. Her works are glorious, and the way the light draws one into her paintings is magical.
I did as well. Wow is right!💜💙🐠
I looked her up as well! They look like professional photos!!! Gorgeous!
Yes! Art is magic! Feeds and connects us in the way mycelium feed the forests.
Last week I was in Calcutta working as a volunteer for mother Teresa’s missionaries of charity. I was putting lotion on a woman’s face , a face made beautiful with time and loss, hope restored and resignation to my love. I was so grateful to her, so touched by her allowing me to touch her, to serve her, to share love with her.
This week I’m back home with family and friends (and my own bed!) I want to be able to share love that way here too. I want to experience that same humbleness of love in giving and receiving. Can you imagine a world where we treated each other as brothers and sisters, members of our own family?
Thank you dearest Suleiika for sharing yourself with us your brothers and sisters. You are in my prayers.
❤️
Good morning! A perfect prompt, as always! Suleika, as I read your writing this morning, I found myself rooting for you on every level and it is so wonderful that you were able to seize this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity! I am excited to see it! As for myself, it has been years and years, more than 15 years since I created art from a deep place within, a place we all share inside ourselves. When I was living in Saratoga Springs and the girls were finishing high school, and I had gone through a messy divorce I drew pencil sketches that were so expressive, tottering on the line of Dark and Divine. I occasionally hear that same voice, feel that same vision within tugging at me, draw this, draw that, there Is so much inside me, both dark & light, begging to be expressed! On another note, I am not one to watch spectator sports but I will be sure to tune in tonight to watch Jon & search for you in the crowd! ♡
Such a powerful thing—to find a way transform our sorrows. Always sending love, Terri! ❤️
“Hit a home run!” I laughed so hard at that. I’m so grateful you found some relief, a pause long enough to allow you to reemerge. I’ll be cheering on you and Jon tonight along with my Philly Birds. 🦅
The Eagles invited a friend of my family to the game, a young man named Ryan who was badly injured in the terrorist attack in NOLA on New Year’s Eve. His best friend was killed. The two met as football players for Princeton. Ryan grew up in my neighborhood and is good friends with my daughter. Your butterfly theme made me think of him too. Enjoy the game!
“My Philly Birds” — yes, me, too! Love this city… Go Birds!!! 🦅
Suleika. You are so brave. All you have to deal with and never give up hope. And your little pup is right there peeking over your shoulder to make sure you keep moving forward. My favorite inspirational music is Samuel Barber's Adagio for Strings. It lifts and lifts as the strings shimmer upward to their climax. The first time I heard it in concert I felt like I was rising from my seat. I will definitely watch for you tomorrow at the Super Bowl while Jon performs. Can't wait to see your painted piano masterpiece. Much love and hope to you always.♥️
Suleika- this really touched me. I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 2017 at the age of 35. While I am currently one of the luckier people with this disease, the fatigue and lack of immune system has impacted me and my husband’s life. I’m currently on day 6 of being very sick. This year is our 20th wedding anniversary (yes we married when we were young). He continues to ask me where I’d like to go for our anniversary- Europe? Mexico? South America? I continue to stall because the real answer is bed. I want to rest. But you’ve inspired me here. I will talk to my medical team and ask for help. Surely there’s something they can give me for a boost? B12? More vitamin D? I don’t know. But I miss living. I am existing. I’m going to chase the “butterfly” of answers this week. It’s time to go. I’m serious. 🦋
I’m forever re-learning how important it is to be our own advocates 🕊️
I am always preaching this to others with newfound medical challenges. Yet here I am forgetting myself! I can’t wait to see your beautiful creation and am so proud of you for saying yes! Why is yes harder than no? I’ll take your lead and will try for a “yes” day today 🦋
Dear Sandi, your beautiful words inspire me to take a chance on a butterfly adventure 🦋 My home is my safe place, too, with my doctors close at hand and my comfy bed. I was diagnosed with Crohn's in 1995 as a freshman in college and it has led to so many complications that lately I'm scared to make plans. Scared of how it will feel if I need to cancel and retreat.
I hope your medical team finds a path for you to celebrate your 20th anniversary in way that brings you joy! Best wishes and I hope you find yourself dreaming of destinations and then packing your suitcase soon ❤️
I love the idea of butterfly adventures! And I’m relieved to hear I’m not the only one trying to dare myself out of the cocoon. Why is it so easy to remain safely stagnant while the world turns? I’m grateful for this chat, thanks for your comment 🦋
Thank you, Sandi! I'm grateful, too. I also want to be out in the world and to be a part of it all - and yet it can feel so daunting. I totally get it! We are strong and we can do this, inching forward little by little until we take flight ☺️
Suleika, I'll be greedy (or at least indecisive) and name three experiences such as you describe. The first is the cello. I am not a musician and so I don't know the note or the key being played but the sound of a cello vibrates inside me and almost always makes me cry regardless of the piece. What's up with that?
The second was watching the animated film Flow with my granddaughter. The entire film was beautiful and nourishing but the scene with the Secretarybird ascending into light after it's journey is an image I will never forget and the conversation it prompted a treasure in itself.
But, my most recent experience with art that "transcended enjoyment and overwhelmed me with its power" is your post this morning.
For years I lived with a husband and two sons who loved football. As soon as the season started I retreated into my room to read, or write or paint. Then I got a nasty type of fast growing, more-likely-to-reoccur breast cancer and my relationship with all things around me changed, including football. I no longer wanted to be left out, or rather, not accept my boys’ invitations to join in. I began to watch football, and even though my chemo-riddled brain wasn’t processing things well, I liked it! I liked to be swept up in the moment of rooting for “my” (always changing) team with “my” guys. I even eat chips, as long as it’s with guacamole.
Chemo and radiation have been over for months. But, I can still recall that ardent feeling of wanting to live and to be involved in all things living. Especially during these deeply divided times, where I find myself arguing “against” so much, I recognize how lucky I am to be caught-up with my loved ones in rooting *for* something. Go. Chiefs!
I’ve watched you from afar for so long, Suelika. I wanted to thank you for showing me, showing all of us how to live.
Can't wait to see the piano. xx
My partner, who knew nothing about the piano or your role in painting it, just shouted, “I love that piano!”
It was sensational - I loved the piano. It looked amazing and Jon pulled off a very big moment. Well done to Suleika and Jon.
Me, too! 🦋
I was listening to Judy Collins sing Marat Sade this morning and brought back memories of seeing the play in Berlin at that time. And other times and now times. I remembered Mehitabel the cat who says after many litters "There is life in the Old dame yet"-- I believed that at 18 and 80..onward.. that gives me joy.. and I love this prompt.. and have never been to a football game... cheers American Dreamer and cheers Suleika.