Jun 25, 2023Liked by Suleika Jaouad, Carmen Radley
your papa's writing is sumptuous, and as for you, courageous and glorious Suleika, i just want to say thank you for putting your fears on the page, because in doing so you have thrown something of a lifeline to who knows how many, but certainly to this someone who in the last two months has suddenly found herself in a body that's been broken in ways i'd never imagined (lung cancer) and whose exhaustion and fears are fairly constant companions. so i read your sentences about being in the Champs Elysee and feeling the whole surreal swirl, and suddenly recognizing my own inner life. and in an instant i felt so much less alone. bless you. praying you come home stronger than ever. in the deepest of ways. and somehow i have no doubt there....
Jun 25, 2023Liked by Suleika Jaouad, Carmen Radley
It takes some courage to face places that hold parts of us, or of our story, hostage in some way. I find returning to places I lived very emotional and sometimes just too hard, memories sweet and sharp in equal measure. So well done for going back, well done for facing it, feeling it, embracing it. Loved the piece by your Papa too ❤️
Jun 25, 2023Liked by Suleika Jaouad, Carmen Radley
dear suleika. i have been a subscriber for a long time. I have commented maybe once over that course and i have never attended the sunday hatch events but have wanted to since subscribing. today moved me deeply. your father's writing captivated me, the idea that darkness and nighttime fears were relieved by the heartfelt loving oral gifts of his aunties, this made my heart swell. such beauty and grace and care implanted deeply into the soul of your papa, and no doubt countless others including yourself by blood, by the profoundness of ancestral linkings, by the knowings that are brought forward through the simple acts of storytelling. thank you. you are living a most courageous, heart driven life and extending and expanding so many lives in the process. again, thank you.
Jun 25, 2023Liked by Suleika Jaouad, Carmen Radley
I am delighted you faced your fear and returned Paris for Jon’s extraordinary gigs. Seems Paris wanted you back to apologize and only a grand gesture would do. Bless you on your newest leg of your journey💗 enjoy every moment.
I am the storyteller in our family. The keeper of the stories, and I ask a lot of questions, usually to the annoyance of whatever family member I am pumping for details. I love the description Mr. Jaouad paints of the elders in his family, recounting family lore and the beliefs they carried. As for "Place" holding power...it does for me and I realize it doesn't for others. I went back to the house we lived in , the year my dad was in Vietnam (1969-1970). I laid foot on that land since we left after Dad returned from the war. For my 60th birthday, I wanted and did go back there. As we turned into the neighborhood, I knew the way and I began to cry, and the cry turned into sobs as I stepped out of our car and stepped on the land I last knew at age 8. There was our humble townhouse, our backyard, the window I waved to Dad as he headed to the airport to leave for Vietnam. I sobbed uncontrollably, much to the utter helplessness of my partner. He thought I would be glad to go back. And I was, but that "place" carried with it, a time of innocence, of laughter, childhood games on the sidewalk, and a remembrance of a "goodbye" when my dad told me not to cry, that I had to be "strong." We wear and carry it all, or at least, I do. Suleika and Mr. Jaouad, thank you both for your stories today, as they make me feel less alone in the power of place.
Jun 25, 2023Liked by Suleika Jaouad, Carmen Radley
I think this is a half superstition- so many people died in my childhood. My mother, grandparents that I never knew, a neighbor who committed suicide, another with a heart attack- hearing his wife's scream of discovery. Oh yes first of all my cousin Bobby from Leukemia at 14 (then a death sentence) could go on-but it was an 11 year-old -and I remember my brother David and I sitting at the top of the stairs at my Aunt Sophie's afraid to sleep because we would not wake up. I was fearful of living and that became a superstition that I would not as i made one achievement or took on adventure after another. And then after deciding not to have children- I adopted an older child and became the first single women in a large city to be approved. I took control of what I cold for my health and well being. I still had fears but much fear as I aged- and now I am old but my dermatologist told me on Wednesday not to say old again.. i believe him as we are friends.
Jun 25, 2023Liked by Suleika Jaouad, Carmen Radley
I’m always so uplifted by your entries, Suleika, but this one especially made me smile. How we face our fears (and as you father beautifully says, “how we shorten the night”) is best done through telling and sharing our stories. Not only did you face down your superstition, you lit a path for us by sharing your story. BRAVA!
Jun 25, 2023Liked by Suleika Jaouad, Carmen Radley
When I was a young girl from age 4to 12 I was never allowed to go to funerals, and wondered why people always when they dressed for a funeral wore black. As a result I became very superstitious growing older wearing black, because I thought I would die and living in NYC and NOT being the woman who wore “basic black” I always wore colorful clothing. When I began going to funerals at age 14 it was terrifying and really challenging for me to wear dark colors and later on in my life I began not wearing “basic black” to funerals, because it was by own way of celebrating and honoring that person’s life.
Suleika you are a warrior! So thrilled in spite of all that happened to you years back in Paris that you faced your fear and went with Jon and your entire family to Paris. Hooray for you! I viewed on live streaming some of Jon’s concert in Paris and it was magical, spiritual and motivated me to get up to dance to his new song “You Can Be Who You Are!” That song gives us a powerful message, giving us permission with all our limitations and superstitions to be who we are and joyfully declare to ourselves and to the world!
Jun 25, 2023Liked by Suleika Jaouad, Carmen Radley
Suleika, when you said that your illness was not Paris’s fault, that is exactly at the heart of it all. We want to put events or experiences into a context that makes sense. But when we assign a thing to a place, or say “if I had only…” we hand over the randomness of life. We somehow make it our own fault that something bad happened because of where we went, what we said or what we did.
My mind as a child was given to exploding fantasies and supposings about things I had no way of rationalizing. All it took was one comment or one experience and I was off and running, forming a scenario to make it my own. Superstition? Possibly. Wild imagination of my young mind is probably more accurate.
What Mr. Jaouad wrote captures some of my feelings as a child. Is everything random? Is it all orchestrated? Does the darkness bring bad things along with it? If we believe that does, then it does and until something happens to dispel the thought, it will always be connected. Thank you, Sir, for your beautiful words and expressing so beautifully how completely you embraced the unknown as a child.
And to you, Suleika, I am so glad that you stepped over your fear about going to Paris to be able to have the experience of a lifetime, because after it was over, I believe you would have regretted not going. (Although I would probably have to throw those tennis shoes away.☺️)
Jun 25, 2023Liked by Suleika Jaouad, Carmen Radley
Superstition was my life when I was a child. I grew up in Northern New Mexico and superstitions were always strong in the little communities surrounding the little community I lived in. Los Alamos, in those days, was a secret city, based and built on science, but not just any science, the science of the atom bomb and the terror that, as a child, I knew humanity could totally annihilate itself. Superstitions were my link to surviving in an atmosphere of the fear of the bomb. We literally lived under the cloud my friends and I used to say. The surrounding Hispanic communities had deeply held superstitions that we also nurtured as we grew up, taking in and absorbing the tale of La Llorana, the ghost woman who drowned her children in the Rio Grande and returned each night searching for them. Looking back, I am amazed at how strong my superstitions are today, in my 70’s, coming from such à scientific background. The weave themselves through my days, and become my dreams at night.
Jun 25, 2023Liked by Suleika Jaouad, Carmen Radley
As far as I can remember, Black Cats were believed to be a clear and present danger, an evil omen that something terrible would happen. The horror of seeing a black cat tortured at five years old left an indelible mark on my heart, and as an adult, I have only adopted black cats, and they have tended to and cared for me just as much as I have loved and cared for them.
Victor Lamar Jones, Melissa Missy Masters, and Smudge Nina Tenderheart have been constant companions in my life, from a perch in the recording studio to a traveling kitty, to licking my tears after being dumped by a boyfriend, to years later approving that I could marry my husband, to being protective of our baby, to staying up all night as I persisted in finishing undergrad at 40, to laying beside me when I couldn't bear to face the day at the passing of my mother and years later, my darling Chrissy (brother) to moving to the northeast and handling the transition like a boss - my Black Cats have been some of the greatest
blessings in my life, and I can't imagine what my life would've looked like without them.🐈⬛🖤🐾
Thank you, Hedi, for this therapeutic moment. I'm going to buy your book!
Jun 25, 2023Liked by Suleika Jaouad, Carmen Radley
Beautiful post by both you & your papa! I loved your fathers tales. I lived on a farm with friends after college & we were off the grid so nights were storytelling and made up game shows by candle or lantern light .....one favorite was someone humming the tune to a tv show (the 60’s had classic distinctive intro music) and we all had to guess the show. Also music was another after dinner show & I learned to play the spoons to my friends dulcimers & guitars. I’m always more creative when I have less, whether it’s cooking or creating....less is more for the creative to dig down & discover.
Jun 25, 2023·edited Jun 25, 2023Liked by Suleika Jaouad, Carmen Radley
Dear Suleika and Mr. Jaouad, your writing is stunning. Thank you for illuminating the 🌎 with your heart-felt powerful writing. I am deeply moved. Yes to illuminating the darkness. ❤️
Jun 25, 2023Liked by Suleika Jaouad, Carmen Radley
When I heard you were going to Paris again, I said, “Oh no!” But how could you not go, was also my thought. Good for you! ... I also hold superstitions in my heart and I have no idea what precipitated them. As a young child, I was far braver than I am today as an adult.
Jun 25, 2023Liked by Suleika Jaouad, Carmen Radley
Love this post. I have to comment on going back to Paris you talk about. Our family can relate to that in a way. With us it wasn't a case of visiting anywhere it was more the time of year. That was the time leading up to Christmas Eve to new years last year. Going back to 2021 that was when my daughter got quite sick and issues got worse. In 2022 as those days approached I admit i had a hard time enjoying that time because of the memories and being on alert in case history repeated itself again. Thankfully it didn't. Once we got through those days I was able to breathe easier. Your prompt on superstitions is interesting. I didn't have much of it except when i was playing baseball. I would have to do things the same way before every game. My parents never really knew or understood it.
your papa's writing is sumptuous, and as for you, courageous and glorious Suleika, i just want to say thank you for putting your fears on the page, because in doing so you have thrown something of a lifeline to who knows how many, but certainly to this someone who in the last two months has suddenly found herself in a body that's been broken in ways i'd never imagined (lung cancer) and whose exhaustion and fears are fairly constant companions. so i read your sentences about being in the Champs Elysee and feeling the whole surreal swirl, and suddenly recognizing my own inner life. and in an instant i felt so much less alone. bless you. praying you come home stronger than ever. in the deepest of ways. and somehow i have no doubt there....
It takes some courage to face places that hold parts of us, or of our story, hostage in some way. I find returning to places I lived very emotional and sometimes just too hard, memories sweet and sharp in equal measure. So well done for going back, well done for facing it, feeling it, embracing it. Loved the piece by your Papa too ❤️
dear suleika. i have been a subscriber for a long time. I have commented maybe once over that course and i have never attended the sunday hatch events but have wanted to since subscribing. today moved me deeply. your father's writing captivated me, the idea that darkness and nighttime fears were relieved by the heartfelt loving oral gifts of his aunties, this made my heart swell. such beauty and grace and care implanted deeply into the soul of your papa, and no doubt countless others including yourself by blood, by the profoundness of ancestral linkings, by the knowings that are brought forward through the simple acts of storytelling. thank you. you are living a most courageous, heart driven life and extending and expanding so many lives in the process. again, thank you.
I am delighted you faced your fear and returned Paris for Jon’s extraordinary gigs. Seems Paris wanted you back to apologize and only a grand gesture would do. Bless you on your newest leg of your journey💗 enjoy every moment.
I am the storyteller in our family. The keeper of the stories, and I ask a lot of questions, usually to the annoyance of whatever family member I am pumping for details. I love the description Mr. Jaouad paints of the elders in his family, recounting family lore and the beliefs they carried. As for "Place" holding power...it does for me and I realize it doesn't for others. I went back to the house we lived in , the year my dad was in Vietnam (1969-1970). I laid foot on that land since we left after Dad returned from the war. For my 60th birthday, I wanted and did go back there. As we turned into the neighborhood, I knew the way and I began to cry, and the cry turned into sobs as I stepped out of our car and stepped on the land I last knew at age 8. There was our humble townhouse, our backyard, the window I waved to Dad as he headed to the airport to leave for Vietnam. I sobbed uncontrollably, much to the utter helplessness of my partner. He thought I would be glad to go back. And I was, but that "place" carried with it, a time of innocence, of laughter, childhood games on the sidewalk, and a remembrance of a "goodbye" when my dad told me not to cry, that I had to be "strong." We wear and carry it all, or at least, I do. Suleika and Mr. Jaouad, thank you both for your stories today, as they make me feel less alone in the power of place.
I think this is a half superstition- so many people died in my childhood. My mother, grandparents that I never knew, a neighbor who committed suicide, another with a heart attack- hearing his wife's scream of discovery. Oh yes first of all my cousin Bobby from Leukemia at 14 (then a death sentence) could go on-but it was an 11 year-old -and I remember my brother David and I sitting at the top of the stairs at my Aunt Sophie's afraid to sleep because we would not wake up. I was fearful of living and that became a superstition that I would not as i made one achievement or took on adventure after another. And then after deciding not to have children- I adopted an older child and became the first single women in a large city to be approved. I took control of what I cold for my health and well being. I still had fears but much fear as I aged- and now I am old but my dermatologist told me on Wednesday not to say old again.. i believe him as we are friends.
I’m always so uplifted by your entries, Suleika, but this one especially made me smile. How we face our fears (and as you father beautifully says, “how we shorten the night”) is best done through telling and sharing our stories. Not only did you face down your superstition, you lit a path for us by sharing your story. BRAVA!
When I was a young girl from age 4to 12 I was never allowed to go to funerals, and wondered why people always when they dressed for a funeral wore black. As a result I became very superstitious growing older wearing black, because I thought I would die and living in NYC and NOT being the woman who wore “basic black” I always wore colorful clothing. When I began going to funerals at age 14 it was terrifying and really challenging for me to wear dark colors and later on in my life I began not wearing “basic black” to funerals, because it was by own way of celebrating and honoring that person’s life.
Suleika you are a warrior! So thrilled in spite of all that happened to you years back in Paris that you faced your fear and went with Jon and your entire family to Paris. Hooray for you! I viewed on live streaming some of Jon’s concert in Paris and it was magical, spiritual and motivated me to get up to dance to his new song “You Can Be Who You Are!” That song gives us a powerful message, giving us permission with all our limitations and superstitions to be who we are and joyfully declare to ourselves and to the world!
Thank you 🙏
Paris Dragon slayed! 💃
I see the eloquent writing gene runs in the family.
Until The Desert Blooms sounds fascinating.
Suleika, when you said that your illness was not Paris’s fault, that is exactly at the heart of it all. We want to put events or experiences into a context that makes sense. But when we assign a thing to a place, or say “if I had only…” we hand over the randomness of life. We somehow make it our own fault that something bad happened because of where we went, what we said or what we did.
My mind as a child was given to exploding fantasies and supposings about things I had no way of rationalizing. All it took was one comment or one experience and I was off and running, forming a scenario to make it my own. Superstition? Possibly. Wild imagination of my young mind is probably more accurate.
What Mr. Jaouad wrote captures some of my feelings as a child. Is everything random? Is it all orchestrated? Does the darkness bring bad things along with it? If we believe that does, then it does and until something happens to dispel the thought, it will always be connected. Thank you, Sir, for your beautiful words and expressing so beautifully how completely you embraced the unknown as a child.
And to you, Suleika, I am so glad that you stepped over your fear about going to Paris to be able to have the experience of a lifetime, because after it was over, I believe you would have regretted not going. (Although I would probably have to throw those tennis shoes away.☺️)
Superstition was my life when I was a child. I grew up in Northern New Mexico and superstitions were always strong in the little communities surrounding the little community I lived in. Los Alamos, in those days, was a secret city, based and built on science, but not just any science, the science of the atom bomb and the terror that, as a child, I knew humanity could totally annihilate itself. Superstitions were my link to surviving in an atmosphere of the fear of the bomb. We literally lived under the cloud my friends and I used to say. The surrounding Hispanic communities had deeply held superstitions that we also nurtured as we grew up, taking in and absorbing the tale of La Llorana, the ghost woman who drowned her children in the Rio Grande and returned each night searching for them. Looking back, I am amazed at how strong my superstitions are today, in my 70’s, coming from such à scientific background. The weave themselves through my days, and become my dreams at night.
As far as I can remember, Black Cats were believed to be a clear and present danger, an evil omen that something terrible would happen. The horror of seeing a black cat tortured at five years old left an indelible mark on my heart, and as an adult, I have only adopted black cats, and they have tended to and cared for me just as much as I have loved and cared for them.
Victor Lamar Jones, Melissa Missy Masters, and Smudge Nina Tenderheart have been constant companions in my life, from a perch in the recording studio to a traveling kitty, to licking my tears after being dumped by a boyfriend, to years later approving that I could marry my husband, to being protective of our baby, to staying up all night as I persisted in finishing undergrad at 40, to laying beside me when I couldn't bear to face the day at the passing of my mother and years later, my darling Chrissy (brother) to moving to the northeast and handling the transition like a boss - my Black Cats have been some of the greatest
blessings in my life, and I can't imagine what my life would've looked like without them.🐈⬛🖤🐾
Thank you, Hedi, for this therapeutic moment. I'm going to buy your book!
Beautiful post by both you & your papa! I loved your fathers tales. I lived on a farm with friends after college & we were off the grid so nights were storytelling and made up game shows by candle or lantern light .....one favorite was someone humming the tune to a tv show (the 60’s had classic distinctive intro music) and we all had to guess the show. Also music was another after dinner show & I learned to play the spoons to my friends dulcimers & guitars. I’m always more creative when I have less, whether it’s cooking or creating....less is more for the creative to dig down & discover.
Dear Suleika and Mr. Jaouad, your writing is stunning. Thank you for illuminating the 🌎 with your heart-felt powerful writing. I am deeply moved. Yes to illuminating the darkness. ❤️
When I heard you were going to Paris again, I said, “Oh no!” But how could you not go, was also my thought. Good for you! ... I also hold superstitions in my heart and I have no idea what precipitated them. As a young child, I was far braver than I am today as an adult.
Love this post. I have to comment on going back to Paris you talk about. Our family can relate to that in a way. With us it wasn't a case of visiting anywhere it was more the time of year. That was the time leading up to Christmas Eve to new years last year. Going back to 2021 that was when my daughter got quite sick and issues got worse. In 2022 as those days approached I admit i had a hard time enjoying that time because of the memories and being on alert in case history repeated itself again. Thankfully it didn't. Once we got through those days I was able to breathe easier. Your prompt on superstitions is interesting. I didn't have much of it except when i was playing baseball. I would have to do things the same way before every game. My parents never really knew or understood it.