Suleika, my dear, you fill me with hope. That my staggering down the hallway, bouncing from wall to wall with the dizziness that marks my getting out of bed, is only a temporary distraction that lessens as the day progresses. My day will be filled with good as well as gnarling fear that old car accident injuries were never fully gone & I should have appreciated life more. Thanks for centering my memories & meaning with your beautiful outlook on the importance of finding treasure in each day! 🤔🫣🤗
Jan 8, 2023·edited Jan 8, 2023Liked by Holly Huitt, Carmen Radley
I think I've been using my cancer treatment as an excuse to not do things. Not to beat myself up or anything. I'm awesome in my own way. But seeing you LIVE your life and decide to take the risks that are worth it is making me reflect on my decisions. Perhaps I can push myself a little more. I love this Journal. Thank you.
I’ve always had a difficult time with the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. My dad’s beloved sister died instantly at 35 the instant JFK was assassinated. What followed for 6 year-old me was the WV funeral home wakes and my grandmother’s home filled with “the men in black suits” (my great uncles) will a TV guiding the nation through tragedy droned in the background. The holidays never were the same for me, always veiled in the weight of sadness.
Your idea of creating a digital book of love is brilliant and will guide me through future end of the year reflections.
Enjoy the warmth of Mexico City and Frida’s inspiration. Hoping for fewer fire drills for you during 2023 and calm healing in place of 2022. Some cultures open the front and back doors to usher out the previous year. We’re a week into the year but why not?
Holy Shitshow, Me too. Late in the year after falling to including an injury I found myself saying "2022 - just go away". A tough year with a variety of ups and downs relationships, finances and health. (The worst being a massive "chigger" bite infection). So here I remain 2023, still on my ass diagnosed with a dose of "shingles" as my new year's present. But those photo's, oh those photos. IT WAS A GOOD YEAR, just check out those photo's.....................................
Sometimes when I'm being consumed by my grief or depression, I will start scrolling through the pictures in my phone. It almost always assures me. I see a story of beautiful moments during three years of unbearable pain. I almost always smile at some point. It's like rubbing a balm on a burn.
I take so many pictures. I always have...to the point of slightly annoying the people who love me. And I've always kind of known and suspected that I do it to capture and later prove to myself that I have beautiful moments in my life. This was the case even long before my daughter became sick, but it became a necessary and deliberate act during her illness and after her death.
And I'm thankful for the photos in my phone.
And my phone is constantly telling me that I have no storage left...but somehow it keeps letting me take one more picture. :)
Thank you, Suleika, for sharing these snapshots and memories of your year. You’re going yo Frida’s house. I’m so happy for you. I hope you and Jon have a wonderful time in Mexico.
So my year in snapshots sans the pictures. Maybe I’ll put something with pics together for FB. But for now I’ll improvise.
2022 started with eye surgeries. I had cataracts. No wonder my vision was so terrible. I don’t think I have photo reminders. It was a very icy winter. My yard and driveway were ice. Walking dogs was a challenge. I was trying so hard to not have a fall. But I ventured down the driveway one morning at 5 am. What I thought was dirt was black ice and down I went. I hurt my wrist and thought it was sprained. I was between eye surgeries so I put my wrist in a splint I already had from carpal tunnels. 2 weeks in and the pain increased so I called a Doctor. I broke my wrist alright. And ruptured the thumb tendon. So my year started in hand prisons. Fortunately my wrist healed even though the bone is crooked. My thumb has been repaired through surgery. But I had a few months unable to do much as my right hand was in splints through part of summer. I felt a bit trapped. After Covid isolation I was ready to get out a bit and I was feeling stuck.
My photos post hand and wrist are mostly day trips. I went to a little museum in Mystic to see an exhibit of Rockwell works. I spent time in front of his work The Problem we all Live With. Ruby Bridges looks so small and brave walking to school surrounded by guards and slurs. She walked straight and proud. I’m amazed this took place in my lifetime. Shouldn’t we have been past this in my lifetime. We still aren’t past this. I got emotional and started to tear up. It was good to be around art.
Other pictures of the year are excursions to Watch Hill, Barn Island, Denison Pequotsepos Nature center. Often these walks included dogs but once I went by myself. It was so freeing just getting out side. Especially when the ocean was involved. Little periods if thoughtfulness. Grateful for this warm spell so I can spend more time outside.
Also I joined a gym. I haven’t gotten a workout routine built in yet but it’s a start. Went to a movie for the first time since Covid. Just little steps back to a more normal. And I signed up Isolation Journals which I look forward to every week.
Dear Suleika, my heart leapt as I read your post today ... I had worried about you after last week's posting -- it seemed ominous and fearful. What a gift that you and Jon can go to Mexico City now! Frida's painting above is astonishing. May your pilgrimage be fun, joyful and go beyond your best hopes for healing and revelation.
I too have been studying personal photos from decades ago, about to make small books for brother and niece to heal then. I unearthed memories and meanings I too missed at the time, putting them into a sad sack of narratives that did not acknowledge the tenderness and connections that heal. Blessing to you both, together and separately. Eager to read your reflections.
Read your dazzling book and so inspired by your strength and all you do. Under a wolf moon, I purr out a Thank You. I have autoimmune diseases and debilitating RA that has changed my life, from one of a gregarious Hudson NY nightclub owner to the turned around reality of books, bed and my writing.
I am new to your site. Your beautiful heartbeat of open sharing gives me courage to come out of the shadows. Much warmth to you on your trip to lands of Frida, and thank you for this dazzling congregation of like minded souls.
My small family and I just returned from one week in Mexico City. When I saw images of Frida and especially visiting the Casa Azul, I kept thinking of you. I imagined how you would feel walking through the rooms of her house, looking at the beauty and the lightness and the colors. I thought about your mom when I read that Frida’s mom put a mirror above her bed so she could paint her self portraits. But most of all about how she was able to create beauty while feeling trapped within her own body. This beauty has brought joy and meaning to so many other just as your work has done.
Enjoy your trip and may you come back filled with experiences and wonder that will continue to inspire others.
Oh, Mexico City, how fabulous! Thank you for guiding us into the new year. I too spent time gathering photos. I made an album as I do most years. It’s fun and often poignant to look back. 2022 was a time to put our lives back together after the loss of my son. And like you I found much joy in what you might think would be a sad time. There are sad moments, the sadness is always there but I find I can compartmentalize and carry on in spite of the sadness.
I forget to take photos. Since I had my daughter 21 years ago (almost 22), I just wanted to soak in the moments of sublime simplicity. I didn't want to miss her face at that moment (whatever the moment was), and I wanted to revel in the playfulness, the growing maturity, the tears, the laughter, and endure the sometimes unrelenting pain. I hope she understands. I have all these sensorial photos in my heart. I guess that "counts" too.
Suleika, thank you for always turning into what could be a negative moment, hour, day, week, month, year into a positively beautiful adventure in living. Enjoy your getaway and Happy 2023
Suleika, my dear, you fill me with hope. That my staggering down the hallway, bouncing from wall to wall with the dizziness that marks my getting out of bed, is only a temporary distraction that lessens as the day progresses. My day will be filled with good as well as gnarling fear that old car accident injuries were never fully gone & I should have appreciated life more. Thanks for centering my memories & meaning with your beautiful outlook on the importance of finding treasure in each day! 🤔🫣🤗
I think I've been using my cancer treatment as an excuse to not do things. Not to beat myself up or anything. I'm awesome in my own way. But seeing you LIVE your life and decide to take the risks that are worth it is making me reflect on my decisions. Perhaps I can push myself a little more. I love this Journal. Thank you.
I’ve always had a difficult time with the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. My dad’s beloved sister died instantly at 35 the instant JFK was assassinated. What followed for 6 year-old me was the WV funeral home wakes and my grandmother’s home filled with “the men in black suits” (my great uncles) will a TV guiding the nation through tragedy droned in the background. The holidays never were the same for me, always veiled in the weight of sadness.
Your idea of creating a digital book of love is brilliant and will guide me through future end of the year reflections.
Enjoy the warmth of Mexico City and Frida’s inspiration. Hoping for fewer fire drills for you during 2023 and calm healing in place of 2022. Some cultures open the front and back doors to usher out the previous year. We’re a week into the year but why not?
Holy Shitshow, Me too. Late in the year after falling to including an injury I found myself saying "2022 - just go away". A tough year with a variety of ups and downs relationships, finances and health. (The worst being a massive "chigger" bite infection). So here I remain 2023, still on my ass diagnosed with a dose of "shingles" as my new year's present. But those photo's, oh those photos. IT WAS A GOOD YEAR, just check out those photo's.....................................
YES.
Sometimes when I'm being consumed by my grief or depression, I will start scrolling through the pictures in my phone. It almost always assures me. I see a story of beautiful moments during three years of unbearable pain. I almost always smile at some point. It's like rubbing a balm on a burn.
I take so many pictures. I always have...to the point of slightly annoying the people who love me. And I've always kind of known and suspected that I do it to capture and later prove to myself that I have beautiful moments in my life. This was the case even long before my daughter became sick, but it became a necessary and deliberate act during her illness and after her death.
And I'm thankful for the photos in my phone.
And my phone is constantly telling me that I have no storage left...but somehow it keeps letting me take one more picture. :)
Thank you, Suleika, for sharing these snapshots and memories of your year. You’re going yo Frida’s house. I’m so happy for you. I hope you and Jon have a wonderful time in Mexico.
So my year in snapshots sans the pictures. Maybe I’ll put something with pics together for FB. But for now I’ll improvise.
2022 started with eye surgeries. I had cataracts. No wonder my vision was so terrible. I don’t think I have photo reminders. It was a very icy winter. My yard and driveway were ice. Walking dogs was a challenge. I was trying so hard to not have a fall. But I ventured down the driveway one morning at 5 am. What I thought was dirt was black ice and down I went. I hurt my wrist and thought it was sprained. I was between eye surgeries so I put my wrist in a splint I already had from carpal tunnels. 2 weeks in and the pain increased so I called a Doctor. I broke my wrist alright. And ruptured the thumb tendon. So my year started in hand prisons. Fortunately my wrist healed even though the bone is crooked. My thumb has been repaired through surgery. But I had a few months unable to do much as my right hand was in splints through part of summer. I felt a bit trapped. After Covid isolation I was ready to get out a bit and I was feeling stuck.
My photos post hand and wrist are mostly day trips. I went to a little museum in Mystic to see an exhibit of Rockwell works. I spent time in front of his work The Problem we all Live With. Ruby Bridges looks so small and brave walking to school surrounded by guards and slurs. She walked straight and proud. I’m amazed this took place in my lifetime. Shouldn’t we have been past this in my lifetime. We still aren’t past this. I got emotional and started to tear up. It was good to be around art.
Other pictures of the year are excursions to Watch Hill, Barn Island, Denison Pequotsepos Nature center. Often these walks included dogs but once I went by myself. It was so freeing just getting out side. Especially when the ocean was involved. Little periods if thoughtfulness. Grateful for this warm spell so I can spend more time outside.
Also I joined a gym. I haven’t gotten a workout routine built in yet but it’s a start. Went to a movie for the first time since Covid. Just little steps back to a more normal. And I signed up Isolation Journals which I look forward to every week.
In Fridas studio you can gaze into the mirror she used for her self-portraits. The experience was profound and made me weep...
Dear Suleika, my heart leapt as I read your post today ... I had worried about you after last week's posting -- it seemed ominous and fearful. What a gift that you and Jon can go to Mexico City now! Frida's painting above is astonishing. May your pilgrimage be fun, joyful and go beyond your best hopes for healing and revelation.
I too have been studying personal photos from decades ago, about to make small books for brother and niece to heal then. I unearthed memories and meanings I too missed at the time, putting them into a sad sack of narratives that did not acknowledge the tenderness and connections that heal. Blessing to you both, together and separately. Eager to read your reflections.
Read your dazzling book and so inspired by your strength and all you do. Under a wolf moon, I purr out a Thank You. I have autoimmune diseases and debilitating RA that has changed my life, from one of a gregarious Hudson NY nightclub owner to the turned around reality of books, bed and my writing.
I am new to your site. Your beautiful heartbeat of open sharing gives me courage to come out of the shadows. Much warmth to you on your trip to lands of Frida, and thank you for this dazzling congregation of like minded souls.
Your writing and reflections about your year somehow help me to find my own footing. I am grateful for your words.
Suleika,
My small family and I just returned from one week in Mexico City. When I saw images of Frida and especially visiting the Casa Azul, I kept thinking of you. I imagined how you would feel walking through the rooms of her house, looking at the beauty and the lightness and the colors. I thought about your mom when I read that Frida’s mom put a mirror above her bed so she could paint her self portraits. But most of all about how she was able to create beauty while feeling trapped within her own body. This beauty has brought joy and meaning to so many other just as your work has done.
Enjoy your trip and may you come back filled with experiences and wonder that will continue to inspire others.
Warmly, Sandy S
Oh, Mexico City, how fabulous! Thank you for guiding us into the new year. I too spent time gathering photos. I made an album as I do most years. It’s fun and often poignant to look back. 2022 was a time to put our lives back together after the loss of my son. And like you I found much joy in what you might think would be a sad time. There are sad moments, the sadness is always there but I find I can compartmentalize and carry on in spite of the sadness.
Bless you and your family.
Suleika, wishing you the best, most magical journey to Mexico City. Frida’s house and the whole area of Coyoacan are so beautiful !💙🎨
I forget to take photos. Since I had my daughter 21 years ago (almost 22), I just wanted to soak in the moments of sublime simplicity. I didn't want to miss her face at that moment (whatever the moment was), and I wanted to revel in the playfulness, the growing maturity, the tears, the laughter, and endure the sometimes unrelenting pain. I hope she understands. I have all these sensorial photos in my heart. I guess that "counts" too.
Suleika, thank you for always turning into what could be a negative moment, hour, day, week, month, year into a positively beautiful adventure in living. Enjoy your getaway and Happy 2023
Read today's "cascades of memory" with tears in my eyes: your writing is achingly beautiful, Suleika. Thank you. ❤️
Two forces of nature are about to descend on Mexico City -- you and Jon!
Sending love,
Linda