When I imagine my to-feel list for this holiday season, it looks like this:
+I want to feel rested, so I need to allow myself plenty of naps.
+I want to feel grounded, so I need to make time for walks with River.
+I want to feel abundant, so I need to practice abundance, which means being generous with whatever I have—tipping my barista a dollar more, being extra thoughtful with my loved ones, extending extra grace to others when any weirdness flares up.
+Most importantly, I want to feel surrounded by love. Differences aside, the common denominator of all these gatherings—or at least let’s hope this is the case—is love.
I relate to this so much. There is so much pressure to do things the “right” way (whatever that is) that so often I think we lose sight of what we want...or for some of us don’t even take the chance to figure out what that is at all. I did a course with Tricia Huffman not long ago and she brought up both of these topics, more than once. I remember at one point, she asked what it is we wanted and I started tearing up, embarrassed and sad that I didn’t know the answer. I knew what I used to want, but either it has changed or with time, the opportunity just isn’t there anymore. Until that point, I hadn’t given myself a chance to explore new possibilities though because of the unspoken expectation that life is supposed to go a certain way, and once you make a decision you are bound to that forever. I knew at 4 I wanted to be a nurse and, while it’s only been in the last 10 or so years thats changed, at 37 (and nowhere close to a nursing degree), I never even considered another option.
We’ve been conditioned to go out of our way to do what we think will make others happy, even at the expense of our own health or happiness...to do everything possible to avoid judgement, to fit in. I refuse to do it anymore. Thanksgiving has been rough for me for a long time for different reasons - harder since my dad passed away almost nine years ago (which I’m told “I should be over by now...BS, I know). That’s why this year, rather than go to my sister’s house and be around a bunch of people, I decided to do what I wanted to do - despite the fact I knew others wouldn’t like it. I stayed home, watched Christmas movies and did art. It was the best Thanksgiving I’ve had in years.
In particular, "What I’m realizing is that, before my relapse, I gave myself so little permission to do things in a way that felt good for my body and mind. What I’m also realizing: we shouldn’t wait for the world’s best excuse to do things on our own terms."
I reached a point where I have separated myself from holidays. Especially since my mother’s passing. I used to enjoy Christmas at my sister’s in Newport but since Covid we have been losing touch. Sometimes Christmas was at my BF’s sister’s house. I always ended up crying by the end of the night. Certain family members on both sides could be toxic and cruel. I’m ok with staying home with Todd and the pets. Even when I went yo my sisters I would go out walking with my camera. Newport is great on Christmas day. There are no crowds. Businesses are closed. I have the town to myself. My favorite spot in Newport is Sachuest Nature Preserve. A beautiful walk by the ocean.
Suleika I wish you would share some Tunisian recipes.
My to feel list.
Grateful. I know it’s redundant but gratitude is the foundation for all good things.
What a timely post! For the first time in 70 years I chose to go on a yoga retreat over Thanksgiving called Recovery2.0. At first I felt guilty leaving my husband and daughter but they were so supportive. I don’t struggle with substance abuse but was curious to take a deep dive in to myself. I emerged totally grounded, inspired, and felt a shift in my approach to life. I don’t plan to do this every year but I knew taking a bold step in service of my growth would help me be more present for others. I missed the turkey, the warmth and laughter of dear friends and family, but I came home to myself through a challenging and invigorating week of breath work, chanting, meditation, wisdom talks, and sharing with others on a similar path of self-discovery. Now I feel ready for a joyous family Christmas holiday.
Grounded - like a tree rooted in the heart of the forest.
Awake - head up and heart open to the world around me. Not distracted by the cacophony of thoughts that fill my head, or by the noise of my devices/technology.
Joy - to laugh with my people, a laugh that begins at the tips of my toes.
Rested - I have a chronic illness that leaves me almost always fatigued. I’m learning to calibrate my expectations when it comes to my energy. Feeling rested means being in tune with my body and feeling the good days from here, not in comparison to a past version of myself. So perhaps this should be present rather than rested...
For a few years now I’ve been working on self acceptance. To feel in my deepest sense of grounded identity that just for today and at last I am enough just as I am. I’ve spent my life wanting to find acceptance and inclusion from the outside from you and you and you and now I’ve changed direction. It’s been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
Awwwww, Mary! We can do this together! Let's check in with each other here. :-) I think imagining a life of purpose, inspiration, charity, and light (with a little cash on the side) ;-) isn't such a bad way to live! Let's do this! xx
I want to feel present. To all the good things happening in my life. My friend who I hadn’t seen since she was 8 and I was 18 came from NYC to Iowa City. Alia was afraid to bring her violin 🎻 for fear there’d be no overhead bin space Wednesday before Thanksgiving. She was right. Last Tuesday my husband and I randomly went to a different sushi place, and just beside the sushi place was a independently owned music shop. I asked the man if we might rent a violin- he says they just rent violins to very small children but come back Friday and Alia could borrow one. So she came and he lent her a $2,800 violin. And we go to go caroling at our neighbors and sing together. Iowa City- tears upon arrival. Tears upon departure.
True story Alia’s mother was a single parent, someone in their church when Alia was three when they were living in a trailer park on the edge of a corn field gave Alia a little violin. She went Preucil Music School here until she was five, then they lived in Japan for three years before I met them. And she’s playing in four orchestras now- some queer centered orchestras in NY. She and her friend started an Arabic Music Festival which is usually on a friend’s rooftop in Brooklyn with Nadia dancing and Alia playing violin.
I was to feel the songs that came through generations. Her playing Oh Holy Night 😭 🕊️ Peace be with all of you this Yuletide. Love from Iowa City. Where complete strangers loan you musical instruments. 💓Ida
I want to feel seen > host friends, dress up, speak up, say what I need more
I want to feel grounded > spend time in nature, long walks, journaling, sitting with my thoughts, yoga
I want to feel inclusive > I will reach out more to friends that I know need more support right now, the new and the old and be there open for new relationships or to strengthen the old
I want to feel supported > ask for help when I need it, don’t over commit to things, plan ahead and do less but more selectively
I want to feel pure joy > I will engage in fun activities with my son, play more, drink hot cocoa, wrap presents, take it slow, bake and cuddle my son, friends and family
There’s a place in the Berkshires in MA that I love to hike called Bartholomew’s Cobble. You can hike up a relatively short tractor path to the top of a hill, where you can see 4 states (NY, CT, VT, MA). Every time I’m at the top of that hill I feel myself break wide open both physically and spiritually. I’m catalyzing the emergence of my truest self and also letting everything go completely when I can have this wide-open view. And so, in the season where we normally and naturally turn inward, I’d like to feel spaciousness, lightness of being, broken open.
Definitely better to feel instead of to do because the pressure to do can be overwhelming and that's not good for any body or anything.
My Rainbow List of Feeling:
Red: fiery desire to receive and express love through little unexpected acts of kindness
Orange: sweet nectar of a day spent without any plan but with lots of rhyme and rhythm.
Yellow: warm glow of a sunny day, each season changing my feeling about the sunshine. In the spring it bring forth sprouting blossoms and renewal, in the summer, warmth after cool dip in the ocean, in the fall, it takes the chill off the evening, in the winter, it reflects color from the ice and snow
Green: hope for renewal cycles and new beginnings after being dormant.
Blue: strength of the waves of the ocean, the magic created each time they hit the beach and retreat, unrelenting, unstoppable.
Indigo: stretching to lookup at the bluest of skys after the storm clouds move on
Ah.. to feel that moment of delightful surprise, when least expected.
To feel the joy of dancing, even when i am standing still!
To feel love, compassion, generosity, particularly when my instinct were to feel anger, envy, bitterness disgust, or anything other than love, compassion and generosity!
To Feel understanding...yes to Feel understanding!
and to feel a deep sense of nostalgia and mournfulness, for afterall, aren't nostalgia and mournfulness borne out of a deep sense of love and connection to that which is most precious!!
I want to go slow, easy and joyful like this old song by Randy Newman from “Toy Story”--“You Got A Friend in Me”. https://youtu.be/Zy4uiiy0qgA. Because I don’t want the hysteria of materialism to interfere with my joy and love of the holidays. Once upon a time, long ago, I was married on Christmas Eve, in our home in Cobble Hill, Brooklyn with my then husband, 4 young boys from our merging family and two dear friends. It was joyful, intimate, easy going experience filled with love. Sherri
When I imagine my to-feel list for this holiday season, it looks like this:
+I want to feel rested, so I need to allow myself plenty of naps.
+I want to feel grounded, so I need to make time for walks with River.
+I want to feel abundant, so I need to practice abundance, which means being generous with whatever I have—tipping my barista a dollar more, being extra thoughtful with my loved ones, extending extra grace to others when any weirdness flares up.
+Most importantly, I want to feel surrounded by love. Differences aside, the common denominator of all these gatherings—or at least let’s hope this is the case—is love.
I relate to this so much. There is so much pressure to do things the “right” way (whatever that is) that so often I think we lose sight of what we want...or for some of us don’t even take the chance to figure out what that is at all. I did a course with Tricia Huffman not long ago and she brought up both of these topics, more than once. I remember at one point, she asked what it is we wanted and I started tearing up, embarrassed and sad that I didn’t know the answer. I knew what I used to want, but either it has changed or with time, the opportunity just isn’t there anymore. Until that point, I hadn’t given myself a chance to explore new possibilities though because of the unspoken expectation that life is supposed to go a certain way, and once you make a decision you are bound to that forever. I knew at 4 I wanted to be a nurse and, while it’s only been in the last 10 or so years thats changed, at 37 (and nowhere close to a nursing degree), I never even considered another option.
We’ve been conditioned to go out of our way to do what we think will make others happy, even at the expense of our own health or happiness...to do everything possible to avoid judgement, to fit in. I refuse to do it anymore. Thanksgiving has been rough for me for a long time for different reasons - harder since my dad passed away almost nine years ago (which I’m told “I should be over by now...BS, I know). That’s why this year, rather than go to my sister’s house and be around a bunch of people, I decided to do what I wanted to do - despite the fact I knew others wouldn’t like it. I stayed home, watched Christmas movies and did art. It was the best Thanksgiving I’ve had in years.
I want to feel...
Inspired > Creatively flowing, Unencumbered by busy work, Free to create throughout the day.
Charitable > Setting a goal to help someone once a week: financially, emotionally, physically.
Meaningful > No more spinning my wheels with nonsense, I want all my work to have meaning.
Bright > I need to fill my days with darkness erasers, things that make me want to skip down the street!
Awake > Stress depletes me, Inspiration fuels me. I need more inspiration!
Financially Secure > If I can make enough money doing all of the above, and live comfortably, I'll be a very happy camper.
xx
L
Dear Suleika
Your post resonated deeply.
In particular, "What I’m realizing is that, before my relapse, I gave myself so little permission to do things in a way that felt good for my body and mind. What I’m also realizing: we shouldn’t wait for the world’s best excuse to do things on our own terms."
May you feel better
With profound gratitude
I reached a point where I have separated myself from holidays. Especially since my mother’s passing. I used to enjoy Christmas at my sister’s in Newport but since Covid we have been losing touch. Sometimes Christmas was at my BF’s sister’s house. I always ended up crying by the end of the night. Certain family members on both sides could be toxic and cruel. I’m ok with staying home with Todd and the pets. Even when I went yo my sisters I would go out walking with my camera. Newport is great on Christmas day. There are no crowds. Businesses are closed. I have the town to myself. My favorite spot in Newport is Sachuest Nature Preserve. A beautiful walk by the ocean.
Suleika I wish you would share some Tunisian recipes.
My to feel list.
Grateful. I know it’s redundant but gratitude is the foundation for all good things.
Happy. Happy in my life. In my own skin.
Accepting. Of myself and others.
Charitable.
Calm.
Unworried.
Nonjudgmental.
Generous.
Kind. To all living things, human, animal, plant.
Creative. And actually act on this.
Alert to the world around me.
Hope you all have happy stress free holidays.
What a timely post! For the first time in 70 years I chose to go on a yoga retreat over Thanksgiving called Recovery2.0. At first I felt guilty leaving my husband and daughter but they were so supportive. I don’t struggle with substance abuse but was curious to take a deep dive in to myself. I emerged totally grounded, inspired, and felt a shift in my approach to life. I don’t plan to do this every year but I knew taking a bold step in service of my growth would help me be more present for others. I missed the turkey, the warmth and laughter of dear friends and family, but I came home to myself through a challenging and invigorating week of breath work, chanting, meditation, wisdom talks, and sharing with others on a similar path of self-discovery. Now I feel ready for a joyous family Christmas holiday.
I want to feel:
Grounded - like a tree rooted in the heart of the forest.
Awake - head up and heart open to the world around me. Not distracted by the cacophony of thoughts that fill my head, or by the noise of my devices/technology.
Joy - to laugh with my people, a laugh that begins at the tips of my toes.
Rested - I have a chronic illness that leaves me almost always fatigued. I’m learning to calibrate my expectations when it comes to my energy. Feeling rested means being in tune with my body and feeling the good days from here, not in comparison to a past version of myself. So perhaps this should be present rather than rested...
For a few years now I’ve been working on self acceptance. To feel in my deepest sense of grounded identity that just for today and at last I am enough just as I am. I’ve spent my life wanting to find acceptance and inclusion from the outside from you and you and you and now I’ve changed direction. It’s been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
Awwwww, Mary! We can do this together! Let's check in with each other here. :-) I think imagining a life of purpose, inspiration, charity, and light (with a little cash on the side) ;-) isn't such a bad way to live! Let's do this! xx
I want to feel present. To all the good things happening in my life. My friend who I hadn’t seen since she was 8 and I was 18 came from NYC to Iowa City. Alia was afraid to bring her violin 🎻 for fear there’d be no overhead bin space Wednesday before Thanksgiving. She was right. Last Tuesday my husband and I randomly went to a different sushi place, and just beside the sushi place was a independently owned music shop. I asked the man if we might rent a violin- he says they just rent violins to very small children but come back Friday and Alia could borrow one. So she came and he lent her a $2,800 violin. And we go to go caroling at our neighbors and sing together. Iowa City- tears upon arrival. Tears upon departure.
True story Alia’s mother was a single parent, someone in their church when Alia was three when they were living in a trailer park on the edge of a corn field gave Alia a little violin. She went Preucil Music School here until she was five, then they lived in Japan for three years before I met them. And she’s playing in four orchestras now- some queer centered orchestras in NY. She and her friend started an Arabic Music Festival which is usually on a friend’s rooftop in Brooklyn with Nadia dancing and Alia playing violin.
I was to feel the songs that came through generations. Her playing Oh Holy Night 😭 🕊️ Peace be with all of you this Yuletide. Love from Iowa City. Where complete strangers loan you musical instruments. 💓Ida
I want to feel seen > host friends, dress up, speak up, say what I need more
I want to feel grounded > spend time in nature, long walks, journaling, sitting with my thoughts, yoga
I want to feel inclusive > I will reach out more to friends that I know need more support right now, the new and the old and be there open for new relationships or to strengthen the old
I want to feel supported > ask for help when I need it, don’t over commit to things, plan ahead and do less but more selectively
I want to feel pure joy > I will engage in fun activities with my son, play more, drink hot cocoa, wrap presents, take it slow, bake and cuddle my son, friends and family
“...we shouldn’t wait for the world’s best excuse to do things on our own terms.”
I love this and am writing it and posting where I will be reminded often!
There’s a place in the Berkshires in MA that I love to hike called Bartholomew’s Cobble. You can hike up a relatively short tractor path to the top of a hill, where you can see 4 states (NY, CT, VT, MA). Every time I’m at the top of that hill I feel myself break wide open both physically and spiritually. I’m catalyzing the emergence of my truest self and also letting everything go completely when I can have this wide-open view. And so, in the season where we normally and naturally turn inward, I’d like to feel spaciousness, lightness of being, broken open.
Definitely better to feel instead of to do because the pressure to do can be overwhelming and that's not good for any body or anything.
My Rainbow List of Feeling:
Red: fiery desire to receive and express love through little unexpected acts of kindness
Orange: sweet nectar of a day spent without any plan but with lots of rhyme and rhythm.
Yellow: warm glow of a sunny day, each season changing my feeling about the sunshine. In the spring it bring forth sprouting blossoms and renewal, in the summer, warmth after cool dip in the ocean, in the fall, it takes the chill off the evening, in the winter, it reflects color from the ice and snow
Green: hope for renewal cycles and new beginnings after being dormant.
Blue: strength of the waves of the ocean, the magic created each time they hit the beach and retreat, unrelenting, unstoppable.
Indigo: stretching to lookup at the bluest of skys after the storm clouds move on
Violet: smelling nature's fragrances: honeysuckle blossoms, lilac bushes, wet fallen leaves, pine needles.
Namaste from my heart to yours as we start this holiday season.
Ah.. to feel that moment of delightful surprise, when least expected.
To feel the joy of dancing, even when i am standing still!
To feel love, compassion, generosity, particularly when my instinct were to feel anger, envy, bitterness disgust, or anything other than love, compassion and generosity!
To Feel understanding...yes to Feel understanding!
and to feel a deep sense of nostalgia and mournfulness, for afterall, aren't nostalgia and mournfulness borne out of a deep sense of love and connection to that which is most precious!!
with much love and gratitude!
Janet
I want to go slow, easy and joyful like this old song by Randy Newman from “Toy Story”--“You Got A Friend in Me”. https://youtu.be/Zy4uiiy0qgA. Because I don’t want the hysteria of materialism to interfere with my joy and love of the holidays. Once upon a time, long ago, I was married on Christmas Eve, in our home in Cobble Hill, Brooklyn with my then husband, 4 young boys from our merging family and two dear friends. It was joyful, intimate, easy going experience filled with love. Sherri