As usually you have made Sunday mornings so special for me Susu.
I am lying here in my own hospital bed after months of waiting to get in (finally!) and coping with the various aches and pains of feeding tubes and refeeding and, like you, making the slow progress back from losing lost ground. I don’t even really see myself so much as retrieving it but as forging new ground since those cells are gone and being rebuilt in new and exciting ways.
I love your challenge and what a challenge it has been. Day 17 and lately I have only been able to manage a few words at a time but it is still sacred time for me and the words I choose are meaningful. I know that someone where out east you are sitting and working despite incredible pain and strife to honour your commitment to yourself and so I take mine that I made on day one seriously even if it is the hardest task I do that day.
You are remarkable in being able to both fight for your life while simultaneously building a new one and touching the hearts of so many others. Your inspiration is an infinite pool of healing energy I tap into in rough moments when I want to scream and pull what’s left of my hair out or walk away and give up, move on to the next life.
Thank you for the gift of the role you play in my own spiritual and physical resurrection this Easter weekend- I am not religious but I am experiencing a rebirth of sorts and you have been a critical person on my path with me. You and your incredible posse of creative muses and warriors.
Sending you so much love and one major truth: you are precious beyond measure and a gift to humanity. I am blessed to have crossed paths with you in this life time 🙏
Thank you so very much for creating a living breathing ripple in what is the tide I live in. What is my intention to swim in as I move forward, sometimes ever so slowly. What is my commitment to add to the tide of others as they navigate their own life pools. I send you many wishes for healing.
Crossing the River. Just those few words feel like a whole world. I hope (even though hope can feel hard to grasp and hold) that the place you are creating wraps you in love, comfort, long luxurious breathing, together with the beats of loving hearts, your and Jon's and all who enter your home. I sit here at my desk, outside the window above me the trees are freshly and a vibrant green, the sun is shining through each tender leaf turning them into brightly lit neon shapes. I'm watching the cars go by, but inside this room, the silence is welcome and gentle. I love my home and know the feelings you describe. Nesting seems deeply wired in all living things. In their own way, trees, and other plants have a way of nesting, animals make dens, and birds who fly with all manner of improbably-collected items build their nests in places of safety. I wish for you deep roots, endless love, return to the best health possible, and always a place that you call home. Your words and your life have enriched every person who is lucky enough to know of you. Boundless thanks and endless gratitude for your tremendous spirit. Much love. Karen
I've been 'habit stacking' with post-it notes for my 100-day project by writing down random ideas for poems. I refer back to them when I write the actual poems or an inspiration as a 'gift to myself.' Jessica, thank you for reminding me of Margaret Atwood's poetry. I love her. Another good one is "Spelling." She writes, "A word after a word/ after a word is power." I think I will write this on my next post-it!
Big post-it note fan here too. I paper my office walls with them and use them to keep track of everything—lines I love from literature, new writing project ideas, stray thoughts and notes to self. ♥️
I recently discovered the website “Poetry Foundation”, which publishes a “Daily Poem”. Part of my 100 day Creativity Commitment is to go there every day-it opens me up in so many ways..Such a gift and a way to encounter poets I would never know about. (It’s also bursting at the seams with all things poetry!)
Thank you both for your lovely posts and the prompt!
Yes. This. You in Brooklyn. I love the line: "forward-looking life, anchoring myself in the things that are true and good and beautiful." Cross that bridge!
"so no bridges, no tunnels, they said. But I’ve finally gotten the green light to cross the East River when I leave here..." something that seems so ordinary as to be able to cross a bridge is now a liberation! I'm so happy for you, (and Jon) that you have found a nest for all the things...healing and laughter and resting and love and gathering and quiet and alien dances and everything life. I have been taking a reflection dive into my night owl ways. I love so much, the peace of the night, when the household is asleep and the world outside is stiller. Earlier in my day, in the midst of work and still filled with energy, I anticipate what i might do when that late hour arrives--and yet when it does, what's true is, I am tired... Present to the peace and cherishing it... but it is also a habitless time. The sense of purpose and promise of discipline i anticipate earlier in the day dissipates. I am tired. I complete the final clean up. Then, I "be." Being is also lovely and necessary but also I am leaving all my self-nourishing and personal creative time til then too, which doesn't always align with how i actually feel at that hour ... with that, I have SO appreciated the 100 day project as a structure that peeps through the tiredness and reminds me to take those minutes even if my "project" is small. A page of writing. A photo collage of jellybeans. A drawing. A dance in the dark inspired by Suleika's "alien dance." In even the last 17 days, I feel that much more lit up and, I am more than ever, curious about trading some of my late night peace for some of the freshness that comes from mornings.
On this Easter morning, which is a wonderful celebration of Hope, I send you what I wish for myself - a well lived life, full of love, and many happy times. (My future son in law is in 711 in Sloan Kettering as write this, almost 10 days post transplant. My wish is that he reaches the place where he can feel Hope over fear.)
I’m happy for you... I’ve been irrationally curious about you, but experience tells me the last thing... well -- maybe not the last, but still in there somewhere -- question that needs asking is, “how are you?” We wait, we wonder... we hope...
I finally finished part two of your book after a year of avoiding it... it is hardest part and nobody tells you how hard it is... my journey is going on nine years and I don’t even think I’m halfway through trying to re-enter. Time stands still, too many people move on and not enough cross paths ... anyway, thank you for writing “Between Two Kingdoms” ... hope, helluva drug...
This prompt could not have come at a better time. I've spent the weekend allowing myself to feel all the feelings and grieve the losses that come with an undiagnosed autoimmune disease (that might be dysautonomia). Thank you for helping me ground myself in truths-- even if there are only a few these days.
This is only my second week receiving the subscription and am so inspired by your words, Susu, and those of your followers! Thank you for all that you contribute to our lives. I continue to pray for your recovery and wish you many blessings for you & Jon's marriage.
Dear Suleika, wishing you ease and joy and all good things in your new home. Thank you for creating a welcoming community for all of us. My online home. Happy Day 17. ❤️
I’m really grateful I found this Substack! It was on the top of my recommended list for the longest time and I finally subscribed. Finding out that Jon is your husband too was a fun cherry on top! I’m so grateful that you get a more permanent place to live. My own personal story hasn’t had the same medical challenges, but it’s still been a lot, and I felt that same need to make my own home a nest deep in my bones, after years of people pleasing and really traumatic relationships. Can’t wait to journal! All my love to you!
The Brazilian writer and journalist Fernando Sabino (1923–2004) wrote, “In the end, everything will be [all right]. If it’s not [all right], it’s not the end.” [1] That’s what today is all about, “Everything will be okay in the end.” Sending light and love for your homecoming. Above is from Center for action and contemplation. Cac.org- a great source for ❤️🩹 healing.
Big confession: I haven't even started on the challenge and am not sure if I'll fully manage. But I have been following your updates over the last few weeks and was so happy to learn about all the good stuff happening in your lives. It does feel a bit stalky (sorry, not meant that way!), but I just love the way you two are together and how you are going through the ups and downs of life at the same time. I'm sure many feel en-hoped by you and hope you'll find growing bits of hope soon again!
Which brings me to a thought: Perhaps we can find a way to anchor ourselves in hope time and time again whenever we face something that let it slip, for whatever reason. Just like when we meditate and gently return to our breath when our minds wander...
By now, I think we almost have no choice. Over the last few years, I have come to feel that there is something to the saying, "Hope dies last." Sure, we might lose it. But we have to find it again, somewhere, somehow, even if in the smallest daily bits, just so it can slowly grow again. So our lives can grow again. Otherwise, we can get lost. Hope and dance. Like Pina Bausch said, "Dance, dance, otherwise we're lost."
Maybe those are the truths and the beautiful thought of the day. Maybe need both. And if our bodies cannot dance, then our minds can. While listening to Jon's music! ;)
Wishing you tons of strength and food for the soul in the upcoming weeks!
As usually you have made Sunday mornings so special for me Susu.
I am lying here in my own hospital bed after months of waiting to get in (finally!) and coping with the various aches and pains of feeding tubes and refeeding and, like you, making the slow progress back from losing lost ground. I don’t even really see myself so much as retrieving it but as forging new ground since those cells are gone and being rebuilt in new and exciting ways.
I love your challenge and what a challenge it has been. Day 17 and lately I have only been able to manage a few words at a time but it is still sacred time for me and the words I choose are meaningful. I know that someone where out east you are sitting and working despite incredible pain and strife to honour your commitment to yourself and so I take mine that I made on day one seriously even if it is the hardest task I do that day.
You are remarkable in being able to both fight for your life while simultaneously building a new one and touching the hearts of so many others. Your inspiration is an infinite pool of healing energy I tap into in rough moments when I want to scream and pull what’s left of my hair out or walk away and give up, move on to the next life.
Thank you for the gift of the role you play in my own spiritual and physical resurrection this Easter weekend- I am not religious but I am experiencing a rebirth of sorts and you have been a critical person on my path with me. You and your incredible posse of creative muses and warriors.
Sending you so much love and one major truth: you are precious beyond measure and a gift to humanity. I am blessed to have crossed paths with you in this life time 🙏
I heard a quote this weekend, attributed I think to Voltaire, that seems fitting: "Everything in nature is resurrection." ♥️
Thinking of you. Sending so much love and strength and solidarity ♥️
Tara, thank you for your words that have touched me in so many ways...
Thank you so very much for creating a living breathing ripple in what is the tide I live in. What is my intention to swim in as I move forward, sometimes ever so slowly. What is my commitment to add to the tide of others as they navigate their own life pools. I send you many wishes for healing.
Tara, wishing you healing...
Crossing the River. Just those few words feel like a whole world. I hope (even though hope can feel hard to grasp and hold) that the place you are creating wraps you in love, comfort, long luxurious breathing, together with the beats of loving hearts, your and Jon's and all who enter your home. I sit here at my desk, outside the window above me the trees are freshly and a vibrant green, the sun is shining through each tender leaf turning them into brightly lit neon shapes. I'm watching the cars go by, but inside this room, the silence is welcome and gentle. I love my home and know the feelings you describe. Nesting seems deeply wired in all living things. In their own way, trees, and other plants have a way of nesting, animals make dens, and birds who fly with all manner of improbably-collected items build their nests in places of safety. I wish for you deep roots, endless love, return to the best health possible, and always a place that you call home. Your words and your life have enriched every person who is lucky enough to know of you. Boundless thanks and endless gratitude for your tremendous spirit. Much love. Karen
Many supportive beautiful words.
I've been 'habit stacking' with post-it notes for my 100-day project by writing down random ideas for poems. I refer back to them when I write the actual poems or an inspiration as a 'gift to myself.' Jessica, thank you for reminding me of Margaret Atwood's poetry. I love her. Another good one is "Spelling." She writes, "A word after a word/ after a word is power." I think I will write this on my next post-it!
So good!
Big post-it note fan here too. I paper my office walls with them and use them to keep track of everything—lines I love from literature, new writing project ideas, stray thoughts and notes to self. ♥️
I recently discovered the website “Poetry Foundation”, which publishes a “Daily Poem”. Part of my 100 day Creativity Commitment is to go there every day-it opens me up in so many ways..Such a gift and a way to encounter poets I would never know about. (It’s also bursting at the seams with all things poetry!)
Thank you both for your lovely posts and the prompt!
It's such a lovely resource. Also the Academy of American Poets has a pretty great daily poem—at poets.org.
Yes. This. You in Brooklyn. I love the line: "forward-looking life, anchoring myself in the things that are true and good and beautiful." Cross that bridge!
"so no bridges, no tunnels, they said. But I’ve finally gotten the green light to cross the East River when I leave here..." something that seems so ordinary as to be able to cross a bridge is now a liberation! I'm so happy for you, (and Jon) that you have found a nest for all the things...healing and laughter and resting and love and gathering and quiet and alien dances and everything life. I have been taking a reflection dive into my night owl ways. I love so much, the peace of the night, when the household is asleep and the world outside is stiller. Earlier in my day, in the midst of work and still filled with energy, I anticipate what i might do when that late hour arrives--and yet when it does, what's true is, I am tired... Present to the peace and cherishing it... but it is also a habitless time. The sense of purpose and promise of discipline i anticipate earlier in the day dissipates. I am tired. I complete the final clean up. Then, I "be." Being is also lovely and necessary but also I am leaving all my self-nourishing and personal creative time til then too, which doesn't always align with how i actually feel at that hour ... with that, I have SO appreciated the 100 day project as a structure that peeps through the tiredness and reminds me to take those minutes even if my "project" is small. A page of writing. A photo collage of jellybeans. A drawing. A dance in the dark inspired by Suleika's "alien dance." In even the last 17 days, I feel that much more lit up and, I am more than ever, curious about trading some of my late night peace for some of the freshness that comes from mornings.
“Present to the peace and cherishing it”—love this. Such beautiful guiding words to live by.
So excited for you and Jon! And your table!
On this Easter morning, which is a wonderful celebration of Hope, I send you what I wish for myself - a well lived life, full of love, and many happy times. (My future son in law is in 711 in Sloan Kettering as write this, almost 10 days post transplant. My wish is that he reaches the place where he can feel Hope over fear.)
Sending love and wishes for healing for your future son-in-law ♥️♥️
I’m happy for you... I’ve been irrationally curious about you, but experience tells me the last thing... well -- maybe not the last, but still in there somewhere -- question that needs asking is, “how are you?” We wait, we wonder... we hope...
I finally finished part two of your book after a year of avoiding it... it is hardest part and nobody tells you how hard it is... my journey is going on nine years and I don’t even think I’m halfway through trying to re-enter. Time stands still, too many people move on and not enough cross paths ... anyway, thank you for writing “Between Two Kingdoms” ... hope, helluva drug...
Yes, yes, yes, we're all waiting, wondering, hoping ♥️♥️♥️
This prompt could not have come at a better time. I've spent the weekend allowing myself to feel all the feelings and grieve the losses that come with an undiagnosed autoimmune disease (that might be dysautonomia). Thank you for helping me ground myself in truths-- even if there are only a few these days.
So glad to hear this provided some solace. Wishing you strength and comfort as you navigate this new reality ♥️
This is only my second week receiving the subscription and am so inspired by your words, Susu, and those of your followers! Thank you for all that you contribute to our lives. I continue to pray for your recovery and wish you many blessings for you & Jon's marriage.
Love,
Josie Fields
We're so glad you found us, Josie! It's a lovely bunch of humans gathered here ♥️
Welcome, dear Josie! I’m so happy you found us. ♥️
Dear Suleika, wishing you ease and joy and all good things in your new home. Thank you for creating a welcoming community for all of us. My online home. Happy Day 17. ❤️
I’m really grateful I found this Substack! It was on the top of my recommended list for the longest time and I finally subscribed. Finding out that Jon is your husband too was a fun cherry on top! I’m so grateful that you get a more permanent place to live. My own personal story hasn’t had the same medical challenges, but it’s still been a lot, and I felt that same need to make my own home a nest deep in my bones, after years of people pleasing and really traumatic relationships. Can’t wait to journal! All my love to you!
So so glad you're here, Jackie! ♥️♥️
I’m glad to be here, too! 🥰🌷
Enjoy all the small details. That's where beauty lives. Sending love.❤️
The Brazilian writer and journalist Fernando Sabino (1923–2004) wrote, “In the end, everything will be [all right]. If it’s not [all right], it’s not the end.” [1] That’s what today is all about, “Everything will be okay in the end.” Sending light and love for your homecoming. Above is from Center for action and contemplation. Cac.org- a great source for ❤️🩹 healing.
Love love love that quote ♥️
Such a gorgeous, timely quote. Thank you for sharing ♥️
What a beautiful quote that quiets the mind and caresses the heart. Thank you. 🌹
Indeed it does. Peace.
Big confession: I haven't even started on the challenge and am not sure if I'll fully manage. But I have been following your updates over the last few weeks and was so happy to learn about all the good stuff happening in your lives. It does feel a bit stalky (sorry, not meant that way!), but I just love the way you two are together and how you are going through the ups and downs of life at the same time. I'm sure many feel en-hoped by you and hope you'll find growing bits of hope soon again!
Which brings me to a thought: Perhaps we can find a way to anchor ourselves in hope time and time again whenever we face something that let it slip, for whatever reason. Just like when we meditate and gently return to our breath when our minds wander...
By now, I think we almost have no choice. Over the last few years, I have come to feel that there is something to the saying, "Hope dies last." Sure, we might lose it. But we have to find it again, somewhere, somehow, even if in the smallest daily bits, just so it can slowly grow again. So our lives can grow again. Otherwise, we can get lost. Hope and dance. Like Pina Bausch said, "Dance, dance, otherwise we're lost."
Maybe those are the truths and the beautiful thought of the day. Maybe need both. And if our bodies cannot dance, then our minds can. While listening to Jon's music! ;)
Wishing you tons of strength and food for the soul in the upcoming weeks!