Without all the junk/fears that I have been asked to carry, I am a free child wearing bright yellow rain boots, delighting in puddles. Look out here I come, splashing with my whole leaping body. Adults attempted to demand appropriate behaviour.
Adults modelled criticising and judging self and others. Adults taught possession of property instead of generosity and kindness. Without all these teachings I am free to enjoy this world as home, the moon as a gift, the clear blue sky a treasure, deer and leaping frogs as friends, family. I am shedding my anger towards those who continue to demonstrate carelessness. Many of us have had adults in our lives who thought dumping truckloads of emotional garbage upon ourselves and each other was “reality”, a necessity. I am learning to take full responsibility for clearing away my junk. I am looking for rainbows and butterflies. I am listening for peepers, bullfrogs, coyotes. I am studying how rabbits wiggle their noses. As winter melts and Spring warms up, I will even take off those lovely yellow rubber rain boots, my naked feet eager to splash through puddles and tread lightly upon this Earth, speaking the language of touch, saying to the Earth, I love you, thank you for this life. 🏮
Sounds like a country song, "Livin' like a junk bug, carrying the past on my back. Staying' curled up as a Resurrection Fern waitin' for rains to bring me back". I am in the gloaming of deep grief over the loss of my beloved mom. There is a cavity in me so large, I fear the echo of grief will be there forever. I am that junk bug currently and the fern waiting to be brought back into lush, juiciness. Thank you Suleika and Rhonda for each of your pieces today.
This week will mark 14 years since my awesome son, Connor, died as a result of an unthinkable accident due to landlord greed in NYC. I don't mind carrying this part of my past on my back. He lives there. And in my heart. And all around. Everywhere. Every day. Grief is love.
But, this post prompts me to ask myself, how much do I carry that is unnecessary? Reactions to other people's behaviors, rejections from friends because I have changed, lists and projects undone, now these are what I can let go of.
Today marks 10 years since I was diagnosed with Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia. I have survived two treatments and cardiac ablations I am filled with gratitude for the medical care and research that has brought me here today. We learn to carry it "all".
Suleika, thank you. Beautifully written and a powerful message for sure. But now I read everything you write through a different lens having watched. “American Symphony” and your BMT journey. I did mine in 2017 and it brought back so many memories and such strong emotions. But the primary one today is gratitude for being here. I lost my husband 3 years ago and your journey reminded me how he loved me back to health. Oh how I wish he was here to see me today. Healthy and whole. Blessings to you and Jon. Big day today for sure! -Anne
One of the things I love so much about your weekly message is there’s always a timely lesson I somehow needed to hear. And this week there are two: to prioritize self-care when my instinct is to keep plugging away. And to pay attention to the junk I’m unnecessarily carrying.
For today I’m going to put down my guilt over not doing enough, my heartache over the challenges my loved ones are facing, my fear over things I can’t control.
I have to work today because of deadlines this week but I’ll also make time for a long walk listening to an audiobook.
I’ve been carrying around a hernia for 30 years that was misdiagnosed as diverticulitis. I’ve been fortunate because this “spignolia” hernia at anytime could have wrapped itself around my intestines and caused great havoc, but it didn’t and I just had surgery to correct two days ago and in pain and physically trying to “let go” and evacuate but it’s not happening so fast. For whatever reason my body is not prepared yet to let go of the buildup and I’m terribly constipated, can’t go outside, because my body could blow like Jonah the whale with my expulsion of unneeded waste. So I just physically keep doing my work of walking around my apartment, take the drink that will help to let go of unwanted waste and be patient until my body is ready to let go. I’m frustrated , in pain, giving myself lots of healing and love and I know my body is totally in charge and when she’s ready to “let her rip” she will. During this time I feel all the love from me to my body, the love from family and friends, so much so, that I feel I patiently waiting to be free and transform into a beautiful, colorful magical butterfly who will be set free to fly again, and try to bring more kindness and love in our world that it’s so desperately needs. I watched, with my friend Steve, who is taking care of me “American Symphony, last night, because my friend hadn’t seen it and he was involved with this project, and because both Suleika and Jon how they openly and bravely took us on this journey of pain and joy and showed me, while feeling sick, 🤢 can creatively and carefully dance around the house, moderately, to reggae music, to help me evacuate and fly like the butterfly. To all in our community who have suffered and who are suffering, “I see you, i feel you, I honor you.” I’m on the path of courage, patience and wisdom, and the right time is approaching for “letting go, flying free, and slowly dancing to my reggae music until it’s time my body says “let go Sherri, let go and you will be free to bring more joy into the world.
"In this lifetime, I am working to be free and liberated from carrying things that are not mine to carry. I want to intentionally carry things that nourish me, that allow me to contribute to the collective in ways that help others expand and heal, and that help me expand and heal. I want to carry things that lift us up, that make us light" A process for me that continues to be ongoing...
“What am I carrying that is not mine to carry?” This thought will be in my head all day, if not all week. My father-in-law was just released into hospice and my beloved cat, Hattie, somehow escaped from our house (indoor only cat) when we were leaving to visit him. She is now lost, not returning for three days. I’m having difficulty keeping hope that she will return and am grieving for my FIL and the pain my husband and my kids are feeling. Thank you for a wonderful post and prompt.
Luckily the lesson of ‘letting go’ has been mine for so many years that I’m pretty good at it, setting down gently what isn’t mine to carry, sometimes tossing burdens to the ground that tried to attach to me….’the strong woman’. When you project strength the world sees an opportunity to add layers to your load. It’s taken me a lifetime to see what isn’t mine & what is. My mom’s motto was if you could do it, you should do it & being very capable meant I took on lots of responsibilities that I needn’t have. Took me years to change that motto to a choice. And being self-employed all these years, when your work is never actually finished, when you can’t clock out or get paid until you’re done….. you have to learn to rest when needed, to take time when you want to. I appreciated being independent when the kids were young so I could go to school events or be there when they were sick and now the joy is great that I get a call for ‘Nana needed!’ and I rearrange everything to be involved in the delights of grandmothering! ❤️❤️❤️❤️😊 To be in this place took decades, so I appreciate it even more. Every bit.
What a great lesson to learn, relearn, relearn again and wow, the junk bug hit the spot this week. I spent all day yesterday repeating, but not listening, ‘don’t try to dominate the narrative’ regarding unhappy events unfolding these past few weeks. Today’s post feels like a call from the universe: LET GO!
I really like the image of the junk bug carrying the carcasses on its back, not as a burden that limits movement but instead as camouflage and protection. I carry my beloved dead with me as my junk bug protection - they have made me who I am today. I am more serious, pensive, thoughtful. More empathetic. I carry my grandmother's feisty independence, my Dad's commitment to service, my cousin Virgil's playfulness and humor, my mother's love and care for animals, my grandfather's wry humor. I am grateful for the sense of connection to them that I feel when I recognize their qualities in myself. I guess I am still cocooning with my junk bug camouflage - not ready to be vulnerable and fly with gossamer wings. Still grounded.
Good morning, friends. This week I read an essay about not pushing oneself to write, to paint, to do. The author said that honoring the empty spaces allows the new to surface. That coming back to the page or paint or instrument after walking through the valley of dry bones means you will have something new to say. It will be born of your struggle, your yearning, your new eyes.
I needed to hear Suleika’s and Rhonda’s message. I need to let go of who I think I should be.
And so, what will I be when I put down the worry, the anguish, the pressure, the longing?
More me, less a construct of the world’s imagination.
I began this week by honoring, indeed embracing, routine. It is easy to minimize the foundational aspects of living. But what if I embraced it? What if I turned it around in the light and saw the hidden gifts of my morning ritual, my house keeping, my care of body and soul?
Perspective changes so much. Not everything. (No amount of light can change the heartache of loss or destruction.) Yet, in very small ways, I am getting free. Abandoning the safe cocoon of doubt and wondering and longing for what may never be. In very small ways, I am learning to fly.
For 18 years I’ve been carrying the weight of others drug and alcohol addiction. Talk about heavy…it has come with caring for two beautiful winged souls who also live with heaviness including abandonment and death of their loved ones. Trying to free all of us, and trying to make it make sense to little hearts and brains is a struggle but I think we are all gaining our wings. Serenity now🙌🏻
As a child I was unable to hang on to anything we moved so often. “Leave it behind, you can always get it again,” my mother would say as she threw our things in the car. I learned early on that there are some things you can never get again. And yet. What I carried with me was a yearning all my own which has stayed with me, for connection in and with the world outside my car window. That perspective was mine and remains mine all these years later.
Your writing really resonates today. Both messages. My husband and I navigating some family issues around shared property ownership with other family members. You know the movie title “it’s
Complicated”…well, it is and it has made for a lot of stress and then compounded stress by me pushing myself too hard at work. All to say, that I caught myself in the hamster wheel and decided to slow way down, drinking in lots of walks in nature including a great hike yesterday with a large group of special people, the connections, the chats♥️, skipped some work hours and took myself out for a solo brunch, etc and last night a great walkabout Austin (hometown) to drink in the energy of South by Southwest festival.
I feel reborn, today. Oh, and ps, I shut down all social media to quieten external noise and to this forum here is my oasis of community. #special group
Without all the junk/fears that I have been asked to carry, I am a free child wearing bright yellow rain boots, delighting in puddles. Look out here I come, splashing with my whole leaping body. Adults attempted to demand appropriate behaviour.
Adults modelled criticising and judging self and others. Adults taught possession of property instead of generosity and kindness. Without all these teachings I am free to enjoy this world as home, the moon as a gift, the clear blue sky a treasure, deer and leaping frogs as friends, family. I am shedding my anger towards those who continue to demonstrate carelessness. Many of us have had adults in our lives who thought dumping truckloads of emotional garbage upon ourselves and each other was “reality”, a necessity. I am learning to take full responsibility for clearing away my junk. I am looking for rainbows and butterflies. I am listening for peepers, bullfrogs, coyotes. I am studying how rabbits wiggle their noses. As winter melts and Spring warms up, I will even take off those lovely yellow rubber rain boots, my naked feet eager to splash through puddles and tread lightly upon this Earth, speaking the language of touch, saying to the Earth, I love you, thank you for this life. 🏮
Sounds like a country song, "Livin' like a junk bug, carrying the past on my back. Staying' curled up as a Resurrection Fern waitin' for rains to bring me back". I am in the gloaming of deep grief over the loss of my beloved mom. There is a cavity in me so large, I fear the echo of grief will be there forever. I am that junk bug currently and the fern waiting to be brought back into lush, juiciness. Thank you Suleika and Rhonda for each of your pieces today.
This week will mark 14 years since my awesome son, Connor, died as a result of an unthinkable accident due to landlord greed in NYC. I don't mind carrying this part of my past on my back. He lives there. And in my heart. And all around. Everywhere. Every day. Grief is love.
But, this post prompts me to ask myself, how much do I carry that is unnecessary? Reactions to other people's behaviors, rejections from friends because I have changed, lists and projects undone, now these are what I can let go of.
Today marks 10 years since I was diagnosed with Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia. I have survived two treatments and cardiac ablations I am filled with gratitude for the medical care and research that has brought me here today. We learn to carry it "all".
Can't wait to see Suleika and hear Jon tonight!
Suleika, thank you. Beautifully written and a powerful message for sure. But now I read everything you write through a different lens having watched. “American Symphony” and your BMT journey. I did mine in 2017 and it brought back so many memories and such strong emotions. But the primary one today is gratitude for being here. I lost my husband 3 years ago and your journey reminded me how he loved me back to health. Oh how I wish he was here to see me today. Healthy and whole. Blessings to you and Jon. Big day today for sure! -Anne
One of the things I love so much about your weekly message is there’s always a timely lesson I somehow needed to hear. And this week there are two: to prioritize self-care when my instinct is to keep plugging away. And to pay attention to the junk I’m unnecessarily carrying.
For today I’m going to put down my guilt over not doing enough, my heartache over the challenges my loved ones are facing, my fear over things I can’t control.
I have to work today because of deadlines this week but I’ll also make time for a long walk listening to an audiobook.
I’ve been carrying around a hernia for 30 years that was misdiagnosed as diverticulitis. I’ve been fortunate because this “spignolia” hernia at anytime could have wrapped itself around my intestines and caused great havoc, but it didn’t and I just had surgery to correct two days ago and in pain and physically trying to “let go” and evacuate but it’s not happening so fast. For whatever reason my body is not prepared yet to let go of the buildup and I’m terribly constipated, can’t go outside, because my body could blow like Jonah the whale with my expulsion of unneeded waste. So I just physically keep doing my work of walking around my apartment, take the drink that will help to let go of unwanted waste and be patient until my body is ready to let go. I’m frustrated , in pain, giving myself lots of healing and love and I know my body is totally in charge and when she’s ready to “let her rip” she will. During this time I feel all the love from me to my body, the love from family and friends, so much so, that I feel I patiently waiting to be free and transform into a beautiful, colorful magical butterfly who will be set free to fly again, and try to bring more kindness and love in our world that it’s so desperately needs. I watched, with my friend Steve, who is taking care of me “American Symphony, last night, because my friend hadn’t seen it and he was involved with this project, and because both Suleika and Jon how they openly and bravely took us on this journey of pain and joy and showed me, while feeling sick, 🤢 can creatively and carefully dance around the house, moderately, to reggae music, to help me evacuate and fly like the butterfly. To all in our community who have suffered and who are suffering, “I see you, i feel you, I honor you.” I’m on the path of courage, patience and wisdom, and the right time is approaching for “letting go, flying free, and slowly dancing to my reggae music until it’s time my body says “let go Sherri, let go and you will be free to bring more joy into the world.
“...most truths are inherently unretainable, that we have to work hard all our lives to remember the most basic things.”
Fortunately, nature can remind us of these truths...”
So pay attention, notice, stay awake! ❤️
"In this lifetime, I am working to be free and liberated from carrying things that are not mine to carry. I want to intentionally carry things that nourish me, that allow me to contribute to the collective in ways that help others expand and heal, and that help me expand and heal. I want to carry things that lift us up, that make us light" A process for me that continues to be ongoing...
“What am I carrying that is not mine to carry?” This thought will be in my head all day, if not all week. My father-in-law was just released into hospice and my beloved cat, Hattie, somehow escaped from our house (indoor only cat) when we were leaving to visit him. She is now lost, not returning for three days. I’m having difficulty keeping hope that she will return and am grieving for my FIL and the pain my husband and my kids are feeling. Thank you for a wonderful post and prompt.
Luckily the lesson of ‘letting go’ has been mine for so many years that I’m pretty good at it, setting down gently what isn’t mine to carry, sometimes tossing burdens to the ground that tried to attach to me….’the strong woman’. When you project strength the world sees an opportunity to add layers to your load. It’s taken me a lifetime to see what isn’t mine & what is. My mom’s motto was if you could do it, you should do it & being very capable meant I took on lots of responsibilities that I needn’t have. Took me years to change that motto to a choice. And being self-employed all these years, when your work is never actually finished, when you can’t clock out or get paid until you’re done….. you have to learn to rest when needed, to take time when you want to. I appreciated being independent when the kids were young so I could go to school events or be there when they were sick and now the joy is great that I get a call for ‘Nana needed!’ and I rearrange everything to be involved in the delights of grandmothering! ❤️❤️❤️❤️😊 To be in this place took decades, so I appreciate it even more. Every bit.
What a great lesson to learn, relearn, relearn again and wow, the junk bug hit the spot this week. I spent all day yesterday repeating, but not listening, ‘don’t try to dominate the narrative’ regarding unhappy events unfolding these past few weeks. Today’s post feels like a call from the universe: LET GO!
Yesterday’s burden has been lifted. Thank you.
I really like the image of the junk bug carrying the carcasses on its back, not as a burden that limits movement but instead as camouflage and protection. I carry my beloved dead with me as my junk bug protection - they have made me who I am today. I am more serious, pensive, thoughtful. More empathetic. I carry my grandmother's feisty independence, my Dad's commitment to service, my cousin Virgil's playfulness and humor, my mother's love and care for animals, my grandfather's wry humor. I am grateful for the sense of connection to them that I feel when I recognize their qualities in myself. I guess I am still cocooning with my junk bug camouflage - not ready to be vulnerable and fly with gossamer wings. Still grounded.
Good morning, friends. This week I read an essay about not pushing oneself to write, to paint, to do. The author said that honoring the empty spaces allows the new to surface. That coming back to the page or paint or instrument after walking through the valley of dry bones means you will have something new to say. It will be born of your struggle, your yearning, your new eyes.
I needed to hear Suleika’s and Rhonda’s message. I need to let go of who I think I should be.
And so, what will I be when I put down the worry, the anguish, the pressure, the longing?
More me, less a construct of the world’s imagination.
I began this week by honoring, indeed embracing, routine. It is easy to minimize the foundational aspects of living. But what if I embraced it? What if I turned it around in the light and saw the hidden gifts of my morning ritual, my house keeping, my care of body and soul?
Perspective changes so much. Not everything. (No amount of light can change the heartache of loss or destruction.) Yet, in very small ways, I am getting free. Abandoning the safe cocoon of doubt and wondering and longing for what may never be. In very small ways, I am learning to fly.
For 18 years I’ve been carrying the weight of others drug and alcohol addiction. Talk about heavy…it has come with caring for two beautiful winged souls who also live with heaviness including abandonment and death of their loved ones. Trying to free all of us, and trying to make it make sense to little hearts and brains is a struggle but I think we are all gaining our wings. Serenity now🙌🏻
As a child I was unable to hang on to anything we moved so often. “Leave it behind, you can always get it again,” my mother would say as she threw our things in the car. I learned early on that there are some things you can never get again. And yet. What I carried with me was a yearning all my own which has stayed with me, for connection in and with the world outside my car window. That perspective was mine and remains mine all these years later.
Your writing really resonates today. Both messages. My husband and I navigating some family issues around shared property ownership with other family members. You know the movie title “it’s
Complicated”…well, it is and it has made for a lot of stress and then compounded stress by me pushing myself too hard at work. All to say, that I caught myself in the hamster wheel and decided to slow way down, drinking in lots of walks in nature including a great hike yesterday with a large group of special people, the connections, the chats♥️, skipped some work hours and took myself out for a solo brunch, etc and last night a great walkabout Austin (hometown) to drink in the energy of South by Southwest festival.
I feel reborn, today. Oh, and ps, I shut down all social media to quieten external noise and to this forum here is my oasis of community. #special group