My first time using your prompt and I am inspired.
-------
I used to think teaching was my love. It was my passion, it is what I wanted my whole life. To be at the front of the classroom, moulding young minds. After teaching for a decade, I realized it is not a love, it’s a career, merely a job. And it is one I am not sure I even want anymore because it takes over too much of personal time for my real loves. And we cannot get back time lost, and so I will focus on the time I have now.
What I have with my partner Nick, that is love. I still cannot believe all he has done for me, more so in the last year or so throughout my diagnosis, treatment, and recovery, but also the years prior. This man has been a gift, and I still cannot believe we found each other on an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, both dealing with previous heart breaks. I remember when I realized he loved me, leaving me each night saying ‘you know’. And I did. Without even saying the words, I knew.
The things about who you love, is they should also help to foster your other loves. And Nick fosters my love in things other than him. One of those loves in reading. I have had a love for reading since as far back as I can remember. When I was younger, I was known for always sitting outside on my step reading. I identify with my reading more than most anything else in my life. And yet, when I met Nick, for the longest time he did not see that side of me. Teaching full time, I barely had time to read for myself anymore. I went from a book a week, to maybe a book a month if I was lucky. And eventually it was just books to use in the classroom. But I remember one day I broke down and told Nick how much it hurt me that he didn’t see that side of me, as it was honestly my first love. And so I began to read again, and it has filled me with joy once more.
I also love to write. My long winded Instagram captions, random poetry on scrap paper, blog posts on travel or anything that comes to my mind that I feel like writing, and so on. Even though I share a lot on social media, it’s a fraction of what I actually write. Writing is cathartic for me, and so in times of hardship, I write. But I also write when I am happy, falling in love, enjoying life. I write about it all, and I share what I want, when I want. Because it’s the act of writing that I love most, and it is yet another thing that often got put on the back burner while teaching. Besides the lack of time, I was often less and less inspired, and rarely had the energy. During chemo was the hardest, as I didn’t have the focus and what focus I could muster up, I saved for work.
Nick and I have traveled to many places together, from the beaches of Thailand to jungles of Madagascar and the mountains of Bhutan. He shares in my love of exploring the unknown. He not only fosters my love for it, but he also accompanies me during each adventure, bringing more love into it than there could be without him. Going to school abroad in Australia, connected me to my love of traveling and living abroad. But sometimes I do wonder if I would love this life of moving from country to country, traveling every chance we get, without him to share in all the high highs and low lows of it all.
And in that exploring, I found a love for wildlife photography. The challenge of capturing a monkey swinging from branch to branch, or a hummingbird buzzing by, has been something that has brought joy to my life in the last few years. I genuinely love spending time behind the camera, waiting for the next hummingbird to fly by. And Nick has encouraged that love every step of the way. We plan travels around the wildlife we can see, and I can capture. He sits next to me in bed, as I sit there behind the camera, waiting for the hummingbirds to come to our balcony. He believes in me, and when I opened my print shop, he helped the imposter syndrome dissipate.
And last but not least, I love myself. I always have. Even in moments of insecurity, or hardships, I have always loved myself more than I loved anyone else. I used to be so against the idea of love for someone else. The idea of a real relationship made me cringe. I have been very fortunate to have two big real loves in my life, both of which made me realize how capable I am of loving others, while continuing to love myself just as much. Nick helps me love myself, on days where I am mad at my body for betraying me. When I feel like I look like I have a cotton ball head and I can’t stand to look in a mirror. He reminds me not only that he loves me and thinks I am ‘better than beautiful’ but deep down, I do too.
And that is why those who love you should always foster your love of other things, and a love of yourself. There should always be overlap. Love is a wonderful thing, to have, to share, as one of my favourite bands, Stars, says to hold on to when you get it and let go when you give it.
What a great definition of love: "whoever breaks you open, whatever animates your life." Those moments, with those feelings and reactions, are when I feel most alive, and most capable of loving. My inventory includes: animals; live performance; walks in the forest; walks along water; compassionate gestures between strangers; handwritten letters; neighbor-friends; time spent with an elderly person; unexpected chaos; being asked for help by someone who rarely asks; uninhibited creative company; a compassionate touch of the hand in silence.
My heart swells and aches reading your post today. Thank you Suleika for articulating love so powerfully. It reminds me of the poems I read daily by the poet laureate in our region (she writes a poem a day!), Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer. Her son, a high school senior, took his life last August at the beginning of the school year. Her poems have been a chronicle of grief in so many daily experiences and metaphors, and yet, the overriding emotion she expresses in the wake of this loss is love. She feels love—for her son, and from others—more than grief. Your post also brings to mind the last lines in an old folk song by Bob Franke that my pastor, a folk singer, used to sing when I went to her church in Oakland: "As it was, so it is, as it is, shall it be; / And it shall be while lips that kiss have breath; / Many waters indeed only nurture Love's seed; / And its flower overshadows the power of death."
Feb 13, 2022·edited Feb 13, 2022Liked by Suleika Jaouad
The watercolors are so beautiful in the United Dreamscape, and that half-and-half art piece had me laughing at no end! Thank you, Suleika, for taking us with you through this process with such depth and kindness. The experience of reading your words feels like a transmission of love coming out of the page.
This prompt really coincided with my own thoughts, which have been swirling around my head for quite some time. What exactly does love mean to me? Is it something that I can compartmentalize? It is certainly more than a "feeling." Love is such a powerful spirit in our lives that it deserves an all-encompassing definition, which may never come to fruition. I've come to terms that love, for me, often involves depth, devotion, and endurance, all sprinkled with forgiveness.
I love this site and am so happy and grateful to have found you all. Continued wishes of love and healing to you Suleika.
Here is my response to the prompt:
At my wedding 36 years ago, the celebrant spoke of Jesus turning water into wine at the wedding in order for the celebration to continue. He reminded us that we make these vows when times are good, we have the world at our feet, and hopes and dreams of a joy-filled future. And that we remember this vow made with joy when together we face the inevitable valleys in life.
As in any marriage and lifetime, we have had our high times and our low times. Mental illness struck our child, severe health issues impacted my husband, and sometimes life seemed so bleak and dark, we wondered what was the meaning of it all? That early love, fresh and young and beautiful, like we were, met us where we were then: Young and inexperienced and naive. Life got more complicated, and we were not so young, so fresh, or so beautiful. Sometimes we wondered if we even liked each other. This more mature love was wiser, more grounded, and had a better understanding of the complexity and depth of life and love. Love found itself in dark places where we continued to show up for each other. The celebrant's words as we made our vows resonate with me still. Wine represents the celebration of your love. No matter what, refuse to give up on love. Refuse to give up on joy.
I am grateful for you, your words, your paintings and your generosity! I am also grateful that I am in your orbit... sending energy for peace and much love!
Yes. I love your painting, Suleika. The tree of life holding a safe place for you while you find breath amidst the chaos, light within the shadows and the love surrounding you in all shapes, sizes and dimensions. Thank you for inviting us into your private creative world. Sending you much love - always. 🎶❤️🎶
Love your post today, sharing all the love you have received especially during this difficult time. I’m very blessed with love in my life on many different levels. Grateful!!! I’m sending you warm wishes & healing thoughts!! Please remember so many of us are cheering you on! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️😊
What a serendipitous topic to write about Suleika… As I have navigated the ups and downs of a turbulent week spent partially crouched over the all too familiar porcelain goddess (that three people with overactive bladders in addition to my issues share… nightmare!), I remind myself in the darkest direst moments that as long as I have love in my life, my life is complete. As long as I have the capacity to give love, to receive love, to feel the love that unites all of humanity, then I am alive and my life is worth living and should I take my last breath a second from now, so long as that love is present, everything along this wild journey has been worth it and I can cross over knowing that my time here was well spent because I lived from a place of love. It really is, as the Beatles so eloquently sang, “all we need!”
I'm so inspired by all of this love. Today more than almost any other Valentine's Day, i'm struck by how much we [all of us] love. It's hard to see in the dark that's borne down on us lately. I went to yoga at lunch today, and the teacher led a meditation on the types of love, according to the ancient Greeks.
For longer than a moment, I was horrified to come up blank while I thought about what I love. Philia, agape, eros. But then -- I do have love, for so many things, people and places.
I've been elated by the birds lately. Birds that seemed so average to me when I was young, because they were ubiquitous. Moreso than anything, though, they're free little critters. Even if they're limited by their nature and little birdie disciplines, there's a lot of freedom in their bird lives. I love them, for reminding me that so much of our purpose here is to just be here.
I have love for the friendships I lost to the pandemic. I've never left my hometown, but the people I loved most and stayed rooted here for left during the pandemic. Life's short. I'm happy for them - ecstatic even. I find myself missing many of them, and count them as friends still, but friendships change with distance. I love them all the same.
I have love for the women who show up to the yoga studio I go to regularly. I started going as a way to ground down after I tore my ACL and lost every single pandemic coping mechanism I had as a result of the injury. I needed mobility and strength. I was met with those things, and also compassionate eyes peeking up above masks.
I've loved the injury rehabilitation process, and every hard lesson it's given me. Nothing's guaranteed, but compassion for self and others, trust, and love make the hard parts easier.
I love the community I grew up in. I love the sloping mountains, and the stories we all have in them. I love the cityscape glittering at night, and that I can tell my boyfriend stories from most of the look-out points I take him to. I love that people wrinkle their noses when I tell them where I'm from, surely remembering somewhere grimy where no one stays for very long. It's still grimy if you look closely, but we've sure cleaned the place up.
I love my bicycle, for helping me feel like a bird, for teaching me resilience and grit, for connecting me to new communities.
I love my sisters and chosen sisters and family. Many of them have to be loved from a distance now, because we grow, because we change, and because sometimes we can't do those things when we're close together.
I love the loneliness I'm suddenly faced with. Perhaps it's been there for some time, but it now demands my attention. There's ample opportunity to play and explore in this space, anyhow. I just need to learn how to be here.
I love my best friend. She's herself, and I've never met anyone like her. She does not seem to fear being perceived as other. Every day is a goth runway, and every day she's ready. She remembers well what we were like (lil trash people, who ate food well past its expiration date and once filled a kiddie pool with dirty dishes.....) until suddenly we could support ourselves. Every time I think of her, I feel happy that the world has her in it.
I love my partner, and his ability to see perceived weaknesses as strengths. For his patience and caring. For his commitment to staying true to himself. For his meticulousness and insistence that our objects must be cared for. For his rampant curiosity and thirst for more knowledge and adventure. We're different as night and day, with plenty to teach each other. I don't know how I feel about a forever person, because it turns out we're not forever people and it's okay to change minds, but I count him as a blessing each day. He inspires me.
I love the high desert and her multitudes of contradictions. It snows here in winter, and the sun bakes the Earth come summer. All four seasons exist here, and if you'd like to see a sunset, I promise you: we have them.
My dear Suleika, I cried reading your newsletter remembering how on February 14, 1992, I began my first chemotherapy for breast cancer and my wonderful doctor, Raymond Lange at the BI in Boston looked at me and said, "Let's never do this again on Valentine's Day." He is gone now (cancer if you can believe the tragic irony), and it would take 26 years but sure enough close to Valentine's Day in 2018 I had to undergo chemo again and I thought of him and wondered what he was doing on the other side. Love is heightened when we face our mortality, especially for you right now. I am so happy that you are surrounded with a bounty of perfect love. I feel your love reading your posts. I hope you feel mine. May you have many days of love and get through this difficult (understatement) experience as quickly as possible. Sending light-filled vibes from afar.
My first time using your prompt and I am inspired.
-------
I used to think teaching was my love. It was my passion, it is what I wanted my whole life. To be at the front of the classroom, moulding young minds. After teaching for a decade, I realized it is not a love, it’s a career, merely a job. And it is one I am not sure I even want anymore because it takes over too much of personal time for my real loves. And we cannot get back time lost, and so I will focus on the time I have now.
What I have with my partner Nick, that is love. I still cannot believe all he has done for me, more so in the last year or so throughout my diagnosis, treatment, and recovery, but also the years prior. This man has been a gift, and I still cannot believe we found each other on an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, both dealing with previous heart breaks. I remember when I realized he loved me, leaving me each night saying ‘you know’. And I did. Without even saying the words, I knew.
The things about who you love, is they should also help to foster your other loves. And Nick fosters my love in things other than him. One of those loves in reading. I have had a love for reading since as far back as I can remember. When I was younger, I was known for always sitting outside on my step reading. I identify with my reading more than most anything else in my life. And yet, when I met Nick, for the longest time he did not see that side of me. Teaching full time, I barely had time to read for myself anymore. I went from a book a week, to maybe a book a month if I was lucky. And eventually it was just books to use in the classroom. But I remember one day I broke down and told Nick how much it hurt me that he didn’t see that side of me, as it was honestly my first love. And so I began to read again, and it has filled me with joy once more.
I also love to write. My long winded Instagram captions, random poetry on scrap paper, blog posts on travel or anything that comes to my mind that I feel like writing, and so on. Even though I share a lot on social media, it’s a fraction of what I actually write. Writing is cathartic for me, and so in times of hardship, I write. But I also write when I am happy, falling in love, enjoying life. I write about it all, and I share what I want, when I want. Because it’s the act of writing that I love most, and it is yet another thing that often got put on the back burner while teaching. Besides the lack of time, I was often less and less inspired, and rarely had the energy. During chemo was the hardest, as I didn’t have the focus and what focus I could muster up, I saved for work.
Nick and I have traveled to many places together, from the beaches of Thailand to jungles of Madagascar and the mountains of Bhutan. He shares in my love of exploring the unknown. He not only fosters my love for it, but he also accompanies me during each adventure, bringing more love into it than there could be without him. Going to school abroad in Australia, connected me to my love of traveling and living abroad. But sometimes I do wonder if I would love this life of moving from country to country, traveling every chance we get, without him to share in all the high highs and low lows of it all.
And in that exploring, I found a love for wildlife photography. The challenge of capturing a monkey swinging from branch to branch, or a hummingbird buzzing by, has been something that has brought joy to my life in the last few years. I genuinely love spending time behind the camera, waiting for the next hummingbird to fly by. And Nick has encouraged that love every step of the way. We plan travels around the wildlife we can see, and I can capture. He sits next to me in bed, as I sit there behind the camera, waiting for the hummingbirds to come to our balcony. He believes in me, and when I opened my print shop, he helped the imposter syndrome dissipate.
And last but not least, I love myself. I always have. Even in moments of insecurity, or hardships, I have always loved myself more than I loved anyone else. I used to be so against the idea of love for someone else. The idea of a real relationship made me cringe. I have been very fortunate to have two big real loves in my life, both of which made me realize how capable I am of loving others, while continuing to love myself just as much. Nick helps me love myself, on days where I am mad at my body for betraying me. When I feel like I look like I have a cotton ball head and I can’t stand to look in a mirror. He reminds me not only that he loves me and thinks I am ‘better than beautiful’ but deep down, I do too.
And that is why those who love you should always foster your love of other things, and a love of yourself. There should always be overlap. Love is a wonderful thing, to have, to share, as one of my favourite bands, Stars, says to hold on to when you get it and let go when you give it.
What a great definition of love: "whoever breaks you open, whatever animates your life." Those moments, with those feelings and reactions, are when I feel most alive, and most capable of loving. My inventory includes: animals; live performance; walks in the forest; walks along water; compassionate gestures between strangers; handwritten letters; neighbor-friends; time spent with an elderly person; unexpected chaos; being asked for help by someone who rarely asks; uninhibited creative company; a compassionate touch of the hand in silence.
My heart swells and aches reading your post today. Thank you Suleika for articulating love so powerfully. It reminds me of the poems I read daily by the poet laureate in our region (she writes a poem a day!), Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer. Her son, a high school senior, took his life last August at the beginning of the school year. Her poems have been a chronicle of grief in so many daily experiences and metaphors, and yet, the overriding emotion she expresses in the wake of this loss is love. She feels love—for her son, and from others—more than grief. Your post also brings to mind the last lines in an old folk song by Bob Franke that my pastor, a folk singer, used to sing when I went to her church in Oakland: "As it was, so it is, as it is, shall it be; / And it shall be while lips that kiss have breath; / Many waters indeed only nurture Love's seed; / And its flower overshadows the power of death."
The watercolors are so beautiful in the United Dreamscape, and that half-and-half art piece had me laughing at no end! Thank you, Suleika, for taking us with you through this process with such depth and kindness. The experience of reading your words feels like a transmission of love coming out of the page.
This prompt really coincided with my own thoughts, which have been swirling around my head for quite some time. What exactly does love mean to me? Is it something that I can compartmentalize? It is certainly more than a "feeling." Love is such a powerful spirit in our lives that it deserves an all-encompassing definition, which may never come to fruition. I've come to terms that love, for me, often involves depth, devotion, and endurance, all sprinkled with forgiveness.
I love this painting and the others on your Instagram so much Suleika. Keep painting 🎨💓
I love this site and am so happy and grateful to have found you all. Continued wishes of love and healing to you Suleika.
Here is my response to the prompt:
At my wedding 36 years ago, the celebrant spoke of Jesus turning water into wine at the wedding in order for the celebration to continue. He reminded us that we make these vows when times are good, we have the world at our feet, and hopes and dreams of a joy-filled future. And that we remember this vow made with joy when together we face the inevitable valleys in life.
As in any marriage and lifetime, we have had our high times and our low times. Mental illness struck our child, severe health issues impacted my husband, and sometimes life seemed so bleak and dark, we wondered what was the meaning of it all? That early love, fresh and young and beautiful, like we were, met us where we were then: Young and inexperienced and naive. Life got more complicated, and we were not so young, so fresh, or so beautiful. Sometimes we wondered if we even liked each other. This more mature love was wiser, more grounded, and had a better understanding of the complexity and depth of life and love. Love found itself in dark places where we continued to show up for each other. The celebrant's words as we made our vows resonate with me still. Wine represents the celebration of your love. No matter what, refuse to give up on love. Refuse to give up on joy.
Does someone with the initials SJ have a new and sparkling ring on the 4th digit of her left hand?
This a fun exercise - both to read, and to write. My inventory got way too long - what amazing "problem" to have! :)
I am grateful for you, your words, your paintings and your generosity! I am also grateful that I am in your orbit... sending energy for peace and much love!
Yes. I love your painting, Suleika. The tree of life holding a safe place for you while you find breath amidst the chaos, light within the shadows and the love surrounding you in all shapes, sizes and dimensions. Thank you for inviting us into your private creative world. Sending you much love - always. 🎶❤️🎶
Love your post today, sharing all the love you have received especially during this difficult time. I’m very blessed with love in my life on many different levels. Grateful!!! I’m sending you warm wishes & healing thoughts!! Please remember so many of us are cheering you on! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️😊
What a serendipitous topic to write about Suleika… As I have navigated the ups and downs of a turbulent week spent partially crouched over the all too familiar porcelain goddess (that three people with overactive bladders in addition to my issues share… nightmare!), I remind myself in the darkest direst moments that as long as I have love in my life, my life is complete. As long as I have the capacity to give love, to receive love, to feel the love that unites all of humanity, then I am alive and my life is worth living and should I take my last breath a second from now, so long as that love is present, everything along this wild journey has been worth it and I can cross over knowing that my time here was well spent because I lived from a place of love. It really is, as the Beatles so eloquently sang, “all we need!”
Beaming love your way angel 😇
all love to you
I'm so inspired by all of this love. Today more than almost any other Valentine's Day, i'm struck by how much we [all of us] love. It's hard to see in the dark that's borne down on us lately. I went to yoga at lunch today, and the teacher led a meditation on the types of love, according to the ancient Greeks.
For longer than a moment, I was horrified to come up blank while I thought about what I love. Philia, agape, eros. But then -- I do have love, for so many things, people and places.
I've been elated by the birds lately. Birds that seemed so average to me when I was young, because they were ubiquitous. Moreso than anything, though, they're free little critters. Even if they're limited by their nature and little birdie disciplines, there's a lot of freedom in their bird lives. I love them, for reminding me that so much of our purpose here is to just be here.
I have love for the friendships I lost to the pandemic. I've never left my hometown, but the people I loved most and stayed rooted here for left during the pandemic. Life's short. I'm happy for them - ecstatic even. I find myself missing many of them, and count them as friends still, but friendships change with distance. I love them all the same.
I have love for the women who show up to the yoga studio I go to regularly. I started going as a way to ground down after I tore my ACL and lost every single pandemic coping mechanism I had as a result of the injury. I needed mobility and strength. I was met with those things, and also compassionate eyes peeking up above masks.
I've loved the injury rehabilitation process, and every hard lesson it's given me. Nothing's guaranteed, but compassion for self and others, trust, and love make the hard parts easier.
I love the community I grew up in. I love the sloping mountains, and the stories we all have in them. I love the cityscape glittering at night, and that I can tell my boyfriend stories from most of the look-out points I take him to. I love that people wrinkle their noses when I tell them where I'm from, surely remembering somewhere grimy where no one stays for very long. It's still grimy if you look closely, but we've sure cleaned the place up.
I love my bicycle, for helping me feel like a bird, for teaching me resilience and grit, for connecting me to new communities.
I love my sisters and chosen sisters and family. Many of them have to be loved from a distance now, because we grow, because we change, and because sometimes we can't do those things when we're close together.
I love the loneliness I'm suddenly faced with. Perhaps it's been there for some time, but it now demands my attention. There's ample opportunity to play and explore in this space, anyhow. I just need to learn how to be here.
I love my best friend. She's herself, and I've never met anyone like her. She does not seem to fear being perceived as other. Every day is a goth runway, and every day she's ready. She remembers well what we were like (lil trash people, who ate food well past its expiration date and once filled a kiddie pool with dirty dishes.....) until suddenly we could support ourselves. Every time I think of her, I feel happy that the world has her in it.
I love my partner, and his ability to see perceived weaknesses as strengths. For his patience and caring. For his commitment to staying true to himself. For his meticulousness and insistence that our objects must be cared for. For his rampant curiosity and thirst for more knowledge and adventure. We're different as night and day, with plenty to teach each other. I don't know how I feel about a forever person, because it turns out we're not forever people and it's okay to change minds, but I count him as a blessing each day. He inspires me.
I love the high desert and her multitudes of contradictions. It snows here in winter, and the sun bakes the Earth come summer. All four seasons exist here, and if you'd like to see a sunset, I promise you: we have them.
Sending you love right back! And all the words… Thank you!
My dear Suleika, I cried reading your newsletter remembering how on February 14, 1992, I began my first chemotherapy for breast cancer and my wonderful doctor, Raymond Lange at the BI in Boston looked at me and said, "Let's never do this again on Valentine's Day." He is gone now (cancer if you can believe the tragic irony), and it would take 26 years but sure enough close to Valentine's Day in 2018 I had to undergo chemo again and I thought of him and wondered what he was doing on the other side. Love is heightened when we face our mortality, especially for you right now. I am so happy that you are surrounded with a bounty of perfect love. I feel your love reading your posts. I hope you feel mine. May you have many days of love and get through this difficult (understatement) experience as quickly as possible. Sending light-filled vibes from afar.