Jul 2, 2023Liked by Suleika Jaouad, Holly Huitt, Carmen Radley
I was changed forever my first day of Brickett Elementary School in Lynn, Mass. when at age 7 I learned I was a “dirty Jew”. The shame, crying, humiliation. I believed it for 50 years until I had an amazing experience at a Buddhist Retreat Center I lived at for two years. It was February, a Tibetan New Year celebration was happening and the head chef I worked with in the kitchen put on Jewish Klezmer music, which makes you want to get up and dance, and I did! And I was holding a beautiful baby in my arms dancing in the kitchen. A phenomenon occurred! All the self hatred from being called a “dirty Jew” just faded away . The self love reappeared and I began letting go of hiding I was Jewish and loving the Jewish dancing, music, bringing people together around good home cooked meals, the Jewish expressions that would unabashedly come out of my mouth. I no longer cared if you didn’t like me because I was Jewish! I soon became an interfaith minister, working with people of all cultures and religions, and ultimately moved to Harlem in NYC, because I wanted to live with people, who didn’t look like me, sometimes dressed differently from me. And many times did not agree with me. These differences organically guided me in the direction of storytelling to live audiences to share my true stories and show folks they aren’t alone. I’ve realized thru all of my self hatred that it’s Love, kindness, vulnerability, truth, respect, and letting go of expectations 🥰🥰are my super powers!
Good morning, Suleika and the ISJ community! I’m curious if folks would be interested in a ISJ Bibliography/Reading List, I’d be happy to offer to create one. Thoughts?
Let me preface this with the strong caveat - I know this is not even in the same dimension of pain, trauma and harm that comes with the ‘othered-ness’ of the racist, classist bigotry captured by both the prompt and probably every other comment to be posted here. Please everyone know that I understand this to my core. But I am trying to learn how to respond to prompts without all the paralyzing self edits I always immediately jump into before actually writing down my thoughts.
Without need for details - I am hurt, vulnerable and need to be very careful about not adding COVID to my mix of health matters. That means I am never without a good N95 mask. And even though ~ 800 people died of COVID last week in the United States; this country has collectively decided it’s done. Over. In the past. Not a threat. Even with my own intimate health care providers I have to request - to the point of begging - them to wear a mask when they are with me. And I don’t always get a yes. Elsewhere, it’s a good bet I’m in the .01 % of masked individuals and have had more exasperating, insulting and demoralizing ‘conversations’ explaining why it’s important than my brain can bear to enumerate. I am embarrassed by how often I cry.
I don’t want to get COVID. I am trying to protect myself AND OTHERS the best way I can. And somehow this has placed me on the outside. And I’m exhausted from trying to convince other people that my life matters. Because that is exactly what it FEELS like I am having to do. To prove to people that I am worth the bother. I am on the outside of life trying to prove that I am not disposable.
Jul 2, 2023Liked by Suleika Jaouad, Holly Huitt, Carmen Radley
I will always choose books over most everything else. Where ever we moved (9 times before age 16), Mom always got us to the library to get library cards the first week in our new digs. When "in" a book, I am no longer on the outside. As an Introvert (who knows how to operate as an Extrovert, but it's so damn exhausting!), I always feel on the outside. It has made me a consummate people watcher. I don't have reading goals. I just go the library, stroll, fill my bag with whatever catches my eye. I just finished "Caste," "The Personal Librarian," "The Escape Artist of Auschwitz" and am on to "Girl Sleuth, Nancy Drew." My mom would always say, "Have a book with you." I love the feeling of turning the pages, wondering who read the book before me, and marveling over the sheer number of stories contained in the minds and hearts of people. Pooja and Suleika, thank you both for writing and sharing your stories.
Jul 2, 2023Liked by Suleika Jaouad, Holly Huitt, Carmen Radley
Who remembers Bookmobiles?
I once caught lightning bugs in a jar so I could (at least try) to read in bed.
And to all those who said Nancy Drew was flawed, bad, etc., I say she taught me that girls could have adventures, and I have had my share.
An amazing book, impossible to put down: A History of Present Illness by Anna DeForest. She's a neurologist at Memorial Sloan Kettering in NY. It is about her medical training and much, much, more. Maybe she and Suleika have already crossed paths.
My own book, Shrapnel in the Heart, is about the legacy of love and loss. I traced people who left letters to the dead at the Vietnam Veterans Memorial. The flag on the coffin covered only the obvious tragedy.. The book is a perspective on the war from those who lose the most and say the least.
Those I met while writing it, both the living and the dead, have been some of my life's greatest teachers.
Kiersten, your system wows me. I always need a book but am not setting goals. Because I live in a non-English speaking country, I tend to read on my Kindle, something I swore I'd never do as a writer. My most recent reads that I highly recommend: The Bohemians by Jasmin Darznik (historical fiction), Radio Shangri-La by Lisa Napoli (memoir), The Education of Dixie Dupree by Donna Everhart (fiction), Remarkably Bright Creatures by Shelby Van Pelt, Take My Hand by Dolen Perkins-Valdez, Girl at War by Sara Novic. Also loved Mad Honey by Jodi Picoult, Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner, The Book of Longings by Sue Monk Kidd. But I have my first book coming out (Places We Left Behind: a memoir-in-miniature 9/5/23) and finding it really hard to carve out reading time. Still, I keep a running list in my emails of books to read so keep sharing.
Jul 2, 2023·edited Jul 2, 2023Liked by Suleika Jaouad, Carmen Radley
Although I recognize my own sense of being an outsider is not the same as someone who feels different because of the color of their skin or their name, I have had several incidences in my life where I felt it, and I felt a lot of shame because of it. My differences tend to be mostly invisible to others. The first time I experienced this I was my first year of junior high school. I was small, thin, and slow to mature. When I say I was the ONLY girl in the 7th grade who didn't wear a bra and instead, little white tank top undershirts, and instead of "nylons," little white anklets, I'm not exaggerating. My dresses were whatever my mother could find in the "little" girls department that didn't look too childish. Of course I got bullied. We had to change clothes for PE! Everyone saw! Then later, after a broken neck, and then a brain surgery, and then another brain surgery, I entered the land of the disabled. To this day (now 72) when I see others running, seeing, driving, playing, I feel like an outsider who yearns for my old life (I was a windsurfer and mountain biker in my 40's). Also, getting older causes me to feel this way. I feel invisible to younger people, which is a strange feeling, as coming of age in the 1960's has made me very young at heart and I relate to the younger people much more than the elderly. It's a weird balance, but I don't let it stop me from the love of my life, appreciation of the beauty of nature, art, and music. We only get one life.
My othering has come from being a woman. I got into dental school, a feat in itself in 1977. I was one of 17 women in a class of 138. There was no solidarity and much discrimination throughout my dental school career. When I graduated, I had my own practice, and people were able to choose me, knowing I am a woman which helped. I became one of three women dentists in my entire county. At dental meetings it became obvious that while I was balancing my career, and raising my children and maintaining a home, my colleagues would go home to put their feet up and relax!
I have a goal to read 200 books a year (I’m a fast reader and it’s how I unwind) so at the start of each month I set up a shelf with 15 books on it - a mixture of light, literary, classics (I’m reading through Dickens this year) and some non-fiction. Then I read through my shelf over the month (with room for a few additions). Looking at my shelf each night gives me so much joy. And the delight of being able to pick a new book within some constraints - so I’m not trying to decide what to read - really works for me.
Joyous Sunday morning! I’m on a journey to the Canadian Maritimes by plane and car and ferry! I’m carrying around the 2 pound, 715 page “The Covenant of Water” by Abraham Verghese , so on a reading journey too! Oh my ...... haven’t once regretted lugging around the heaviest book I’ve ever taken on a trip! Both these journeys will be with me forever! A life changing novel of pure joy!
I believe everyone experiences the outsider syndrome at some point on some level. somehow we have been conditioned (intergenerationally) that we are separate from the natural world, our cosmic source and the aftermath or reasonable conclusion is that we are separate from one another, un-same, desperately looking for bridges. The work is interior, where all are welcome. I am currently reading Wendell Berry's Fidelity. For me, his writing hits pure and profoundly real. Recent likes include Sonya Renee Taylor's book about radical self-love, The Body Is Not An Apology, rick rubin's creative act (ongoing), and Abigail Thomas'...every book she has ever written. May I with deep humility suggest mine as well, Underwater Daughter, a tragic and radical love story. Thank you Suleika for your ongoing portals that surface more questions and thoughtful meditations.
Each month, I choose a word to guide my reading, writing, learning and living for myself and my community. This month, the word is conjubilant: shouting together with joy!
We are reading books about friendship (The Life Council by Laura Tremaine, The Bright Side Running Club by Josie Lloyd, The Celebrants by Steven Rowley), joy (Inciting Joy by Ross Gay, Crazy Joy by Mary Katherine Backstrom), poetry (I Hope This Finds You Well by Kate Baer) and books others have shouted joyfully about (Hello Beautiful by Ann Napolitano, Maame by Jessica George).
I truly believe that reading and writing can make our lives better and choosing a monthly intention helps me do just that AND connect with others in a community. I hope you enjoy the selections!
Sulieka great post about books. I can identify with getting so lost in books in the same way. When i was younger I was really into the fiction novels but i will for me it's been more on the nonfiction side because ive forever been obsessed understanding how people work. I'm currently working on reading 3 books. 1.Einstien biography by Walter Isaacson 2.freakanomics 3.four walls of my freedom by Donna thompspn. The last one does lead me into my response to the prompt.
For me in general I've always felt an outsider just because of the way i think. I will say that took on a different look when my daughter who has autism was born. The outsider part was made clear when she started school. It turned into an advocate because i started to realize how skewed the school system is for those that don't need extra help. If you do you have to work so much harder to be heard and seen because let's face the fact that environment has always had an issue with putting so much resources into to helping the most vulnerable. Although the last few years in this province it's been clear that most vulnerable in school isn't a priority to help by our provincial govt's actions of cutting school budgets to a point where many in our community are forced because the lack of resources in classrooms to stay home and find other ways of getting education. Living in the disability as a family you feel like this outsider because you sense everyone is looking with judgement because you're kid does things different than most kids they're age. I wish it wasn't like that but thats what happens when the messaging in society gets so messed up. Aside from that I'm proud of my daughter because she feels comfortable in who she is as a person and is afraid to voice her opinion. I just wish it wasn't hard for her and kids like her to get what they need because of how society views this segment of the population.
I never felt like an insider nor wanted to be one- it seemed boring. The outsiders for different reasons drew me-we remain one-even it is sometimes lonely. As reading this is me too "I’d get so immersed in a book that I simply couldn’t put it down. I would read while walking down the street—more than once, I collided with a street lamp." A me too moment from Suleika.. now I am reading "Holding The NOTE" by David Remnick- I was never a reading purist as a teen I read Tolstoy and Rona Jaffe---I read The Atlantic articles and slush through some of PEOPLE--my reading shows few bounds--I don't use Audiobooks yet or Kindle --I am so happy to read, write, share.
So great that you posted a photo of the Lyrical Ballad, as your hometown bookstore. I just hours ago returned from there and Saratoga Springs, from a week of teaching fiction writing at the wondrous event held every year at Skidmore, the NY State Summer Writers Institute, where I've taught for 25 years! Aside from the incredible students I've taught myself, some of the Institute's students have included Garth Greenwell (author of novels WHERE YOU BELONG and CLEANNESS) who returned last Tues to do a Q/A and a reading--and wow my students with advice (along with his breathtaking prose), with this, I think, at the top: "Write the story only you can write." (!) As a writer of many books, I've used this as an touchstone, whether I'm working on something or between projects. WRITE THE STORY ONLY YOU CAN WRITE. I did this recently myself, when being treated for and recovering from lymphoma. My memoir, just published REWRITING ILLNESS: A VIEW OF MY OWN, owes much to Suleika and ISOLATION JOURNAL editor Carmen Radley, who, unaware what I was writing about, offered me a PROMPT (186 "Untangling My Lost Hair") while completing the book. Carmen's astute and tender editing of my prompt inspired final revisions of the book, and I am forever grateful. Well, there's more to this story: In 2014, when I edited an anthology of women writing about why we're so obsessed with our hair (ME, MY HAIR AND I), Suleika contributed an essay to that volume called "Hair, Interrupted: One Woman Faces Hair Loss after Chemo." Several years later, I was to confront my own chemo & hair loss, and though I wasn't nearly as brave as Suleika had been, her experience helped me through mine. One of the issues I dealt with in my memoir was telling and NOT telling others that I was sick. I held the info very close, and there were many people I didn't tell. If the ISOLATION JOURNALS had been around when I was going through "my ordeal," I might have made a different decision. What an amazing community Suleika has created here for us! #forevergrateful
I have written in the space before about how, as a child, I could not connect with others. I hid from other kids on the playground, couldn’t figure out how to talk to them, felt I had no friends. The feelings of anxiety and loneliness stayed with me into my young adult life, keeping me nervous and reserved. But then I was fortunate to find the people who helped me change—my husband, his wonderful family, the friends I finally made. It was a long process, but I was able to overcome a lot of that tension and feel more normal. I found a place where I belong.
Then I was drawn to the work of teaching classes in a program for jail inmates, which I did for over 20 years. I realized my feelings of being an outsider actually made me better at my job, in some ways. So many people who end up involved in criminal activities have negative feelings about themselves. Unlike me, they don’t always get better life experiences to help them overcome those feelings. They have dealt with poverty, chaotic relationships, and lack of a good basic education. And racism—from what I saw, that is definitely a force in the lives of those who end up doing time in jails and prisons.
My early life experiences, bad as they were, made me a better teacher, maybe a better human being. I sensed this when I was teaching the inmates; that though my experiences were different, though I had not experienced racism, there was a shared human connection between their sorrows and mine. We are all different, but the same. We all need compassion, and by giving it I felt it for myself as well. I’m very grateful I had that job.
I was changed forever my first day of Brickett Elementary School in Lynn, Mass. when at age 7 I learned I was a “dirty Jew”. The shame, crying, humiliation. I believed it for 50 years until I had an amazing experience at a Buddhist Retreat Center I lived at for two years. It was February, a Tibetan New Year celebration was happening and the head chef I worked with in the kitchen put on Jewish Klezmer music, which makes you want to get up and dance, and I did! And I was holding a beautiful baby in my arms dancing in the kitchen. A phenomenon occurred! All the self hatred from being called a “dirty Jew” just faded away . The self love reappeared and I began letting go of hiding I was Jewish and loving the Jewish dancing, music, bringing people together around good home cooked meals, the Jewish expressions that would unabashedly come out of my mouth. I no longer cared if you didn’t like me because I was Jewish! I soon became an interfaith minister, working with people of all cultures and religions, and ultimately moved to Harlem in NYC, because I wanted to live with people, who didn’t look like me, sometimes dressed differently from me. And many times did not agree with me. These differences organically guided me in the direction of storytelling to live audiences to share my true stories and show folks they aren’t alone. I’ve realized thru all of my self hatred that it’s Love, kindness, vulnerability, truth, respect, and letting go of expectations 🥰🥰are my super powers!
Good morning, Suleika and the ISJ community! I’m curious if folks would be interested in a ISJ Bibliography/Reading List, I’d be happy to offer to create one. Thoughts?
Let me preface this with the strong caveat - I know this is not even in the same dimension of pain, trauma and harm that comes with the ‘othered-ness’ of the racist, classist bigotry captured by both the prompt and probably every other comment to be posted here. Please everyone know that I understand this to my core. But I am trying to learn how to respond to prompts without all the paralyzing self edits I always immediately jump into before actually writing down my thoughts.
Without need for details - I am hurt, vulnerable and need to be very careful about not adding COVID to my mix of health matters. That means I am never without a good N95 mask. And even though ~ 800 people died of COVID last week in the United States; this country has collectively decided it’s done. Over. In the past. Not a threat. Even with my own intimate health care providers I have to request - to the point of begging - them to wear a mask when they are with me. And I don’t always get a yes. Elsewhere, it’s a good bet I’m in the .01 % of masked individuals and have had more exasperating, insulting and demoralizing ‘conversations’ explaining why it’s important than my brain can bear to enumerate. I am embarrassed by how often I cry.
I don’t want to get COVID. I am trying to protect myself AND OTHERS the best way I can. And somehow this has placed me on the outside. And I’m exhausted from trying to convince other people that my life matters. Because that is exactly what it FEELS like I am having to do. To prove to people that I am worth the bother. I am on the outside of life trying to prove that I am not disposable.
I will always choose books over most everything else. Where ever we moved (9 times before age 16), Mom always got us to the library to get library cards the first week in our new digs. When "in" a book, I am no longer on the outside. As an Introvert (who knows how to operate as an Extrovert, but it's so damn exhausting!), I always feel on the outside. It has made me a consummate people watcher. I don't have reading goals. I just go the library, stroll, fill my bag with whatever catches my eye. I just finished "Caste," "The Personal Librarian," "The Escape Artist of Auschwitz" and am on to "Girl Sleuth, Nancy Drew." My mom would always say, "Have a book with you." I love the feeling of turning the pages, wondering who read the book before me, and marveling over the sheer number of stories contained in the minds and hearts of people. Pooja and Suleika, thank you both for writing and sharing your stories.
Who remembers Bookmobiles?
I once caught lightning bugs in a jar so I could (at least try) to read in bed.
And to all those who said Nancy Drew was flawed, bad, etc., I say she taught me that girls could have adventures, and I have had my share.
An amazing book, impossible to put down: A History of Present Illness by Anna DeForest. She's a neurologist at Memorial Sloan Kettering in NY. It is about her medical training and much, much, more. Maybe she and Suleika have already crossed paths.
My own book, Shrapnel in the Heart, is about the legacy of love and loss. I traced people who left letters to the dead at the Vietnam Veterans Memorial. The flag on the coffin covered only the obvious tragedy.. The book is a perspective on the war from those who lose the most and say the least.
Those I met while writing it, both the living and the dead, have been some of my life's greatest teachers.
Laura (Palmer)
Kiersten, your system wows me. I always need a book but am not setting goals. Because I live in a non-English speaking country, I tend to read on my Kindle, something I swore I'd never do as a writer. My most recent reads that I highly recommend: The Bohemians by Jasmin Darznik (historical fiction), Radio Shangri-La by Lisa Napoli (memoir), The Education of Dixie Dupree by Donna Everhart (fiction), Remarkably Bright Creatures by Shelby Van Pelt, Take My Hand by Dolen Perkins-Valdez, Girl at War by Sara Novic. Also loved Mad Honey by Jodi Picoult, Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner, The Book of Longings by Sue Monk Kidd. But I have my first book coming out (Places We Left Behind: a memoir-in-miniature 9/5/23) and finding it really hard to carve out reading time. Still, I keep a running list in my emails of books to read so keep sharing.
Although I recognize my own sense of being an outsider is not the same as someone who feels different because of the color of their skin or their name, I have had several incidences in my life where I felt it, and I felt a lot of shame because of it. My differences tend to be mostly invisible to others. The first time I experienced this I was my first year of junior high school. I was small, thin, and slow to mature. When I say I was the ONLY girl in the 7th grade who didn't wear a bra and instead, little white tank top undershirts, and instead of "nylons," little white anklets, I'm not exaggerating. My dresses were whatever my mother could find in the "little" girls department that didn't look too childish. Of course I got bullied. We had to change clothes for PE! Everyone saw! Then later, after a broken neck, and then a brain surgery, and then another brain surgery, I entered the land of the disabled. To this day (now 72) when I see others running, seeing, driving, playing, I feel like an outsider who yearns for my old life (I was a windsurfer and mountain biker in my 40's). Also, getting older causes me to feel this way. I feel invisible to younger people, which is a strange feeling, as coming of age in the 1960's has made me very young at heart and I relate to the younger people much more than the elderly. It's a weird balance, but I don't let it stop me from the love of my life, appreciation of the beauty of nature, art, and music. We only get one life.
My othering has come from being a woman. I got into dental school, a feat in itself in 1977. I was one of 17 women in a class of 138. There was no solidarity and much discrimination throughout my dental school career. When I graduated, I had my own practice, and people were able to choose me, knowing I am a woman which helped. I became one of three women dentists in my entire county. At dental meetings it became obvious that while I was balancing my career, and raising my children and maintaining a home, my colleagues would go home to put their feet up and relax!
I have a goal to read 200 books a year (I’m a fast reader and it’s how I unwind) so at the start of each month I set up a shelf with 15 books on it - a mixture of light, literary, classics (I’m reading through Dickens this year) and some non-fiction. Then I read through my shelf over the month (with room for a few additions). Looking at my shelf each night gives me so much joy. And the delight of being able to pick a new book within some constraints - so I’m not trying to decide what to read - really works for me.
Joyous Sunday morning! I’m on a journey to the Canadian Maritimes by plane and car and ferry! I’m carrying around the 2 pound, 715 page “The Covenant of Water” by Abraham Verghese , so on a reading journey too! Oh my ...... haven’t once regretted lugging around the heaviest book I’ve ever taken on a trip! Both these journeys will be with me forever! A life changing novel of pure joy!
I believe everyone experiences the outsider syndrome at some point on some level. somehow we have been conditioned (intergenerationally) that we are separate from the natural world, our cosmic source and the aftermath or reasonable conclusion is that we are separate from one another, un-same, desperately looking for bridges. The work is interior, where all are welcome. I am currently reading Wendell Berry's Fidelity. For me, his writing hits pure and profoundly real. Recent likes include Sonya Renee Taylor's book about radical self-love, The Body Is Not An Apology, rick rubin's creative act (ongoing), and Abigail Thomas'...every book she has ever written. May I with deep humility suggest mine as well, Underwater Daughter, a tragic and radical love story. Thank you Suleika for your ongoing portals that surface more questions and thoughtful meditations.
Each month, I choose a word to guide my reading, writing, learning and living for myself and my community. This month, the word is conjubilant: shouting together with joy!
We are reading books about friendship (The Life Council by Laura Tremaine, The Bright Side Running Club by Josie Lloyd, The Celebrants by Steven Rowley), joy (Inciting Joy by Ross Gay, Crazy Joy by Mary Katherine Backstrom), poetry (I Hope This Finds You Well by Kate Baer) and books others have shouted joyfully about (Hello Beautiful by Ann Napolitano, Maame by Jessica George).
I truly believe that reading and writing can make our lives better and choosing a monthly intention helps me do just that AND connect with others in a community. I hope you enjoy the selections!
Sulieka great post about books. I can identify with getting so lost in books in the same way. When i was younger I was really into the fiction novels but i will for me it's been more on the nonfiction side because ive forever been obsessed understanding how people work. I'm currently working on reading 3 books. 1.Einstien biography by Walter Isaacson 2.freakanomics 3.four walls of my freedom by Donna thompspn. The last one does lead me into my response to the prompt.
For me in general I've always felt an outsider just because of the way i think. I will say that took on a different look when my daughter who has autism was born. The outsider part was made clear when she started school. It turned into an advocate because i started to realize how skewed the school system is for those that don't need extra help. If you do you have to work so much harder to be heard and seen because let's face the fact that environment has always had an issue with putting so much resources into to helping the most vulnerable. Although the last few years in this province it's been clear that most vulnerable in school isn't a priority to help by our provincial govt's actions of cutting school budgets to a point where many in our community are forced because the lack of resources in classrooms to stay home and find other ways of getting education. Living in the disability as a family you feel like this outsider because you sense everyone is looking with judgement because you're kid does things different than most kids they're age. I wish it wasn't like that but thats what happens when the messaging in society gets so messed up. Aside from that I'm proud of my daughter because she feels comfortable in who she is as a person and is afraid to voice her opinion. I just wish it wasn't hard for her and kids like her to get what they need because of how society views this segment of the population.
I never felt like an insider nor wanted to be one- it seemed boring. The outsiders for different reasons drew me-we remain one-even it is sometimes lonely. As reading this is me too "I’d get so immersed in a book that I simply couldn’t put it down. I would read while walking down the street—more than once, I collided with a street lamp." A me too moment from Suleika.. now I am reading "Holding The NOTE" by David Remnick- I was never a reading purist as a teen I read Tolstoy and Rona Jaffe---I read The Atlantic articles and slush through some of PEOPLE--my reading shows few bounds--I don't use Audiobooks yet or Kindle --I am so happy to read, write, share.
Suleika and Co!
So great that you posted a photo of the Lyrical Ballad, as your hometown bookstore. I just hours ago returned from there and Saratoga Springs, from a week of teaching fiction writing at the wondrous event held every year at Skidmore, the NY State Summer Writers Institute, where I've taught for 25 years! Aside from the incredible students I've taught myself, some of the Institute's students have included Garth Greenwell (author of novels WHERE YOU BELONG and CLEANNESS) who returned last Tues to do a Q/A and a reading--and wow my students with advice (along with his breathtaking prose), with this, I think, at the top: "Write the story only you can write." (!) As a writer of many books, I've used this as an touchstone, whether I'm working on something or between projects. WRITE THE STORY ONLY YOU CAN WRITE. I did this recently myself, when being treated for and recovering from lymphoma. My memoir, just published REWRITING ILLNESS: A VIEW OF MY OWN, owes much to Suleika and ISOLATION JOURNAL editor Carmen Radley, who, unaware what I was writing about, offered me a PROMPT (186 "Untangling My Lost Hair") while completing the book. Carmen's astute and tender editing of my prompt inspired final revisions of the book, and I am forever grateful. Well, there's more to this story: In 2014, when I edited an anthology of women writing about why we're so obsessed with our hair (ME, MY HAIR AND I), Suleika contributed an essay to that volume called "Hair, Interrupted: One Woman Faces Hair Loss after Chemo." Several years later, I was to confront my own chemo & hair loss, and though I wasn't nearly as brave as Suleika had been, her experience helped me through mine. One of the issues I dealt with in my memoir was telling and NOT telling others that I was sick. I held the info very close, and there were many people I didn't tell. If the ISOLATION JOURNALS had been around when I was going through "my ordeal," I might have made a different decision. What an amazing community Suleika has created here for us! #forevergrateful
I have written in the space before about how, as a child, I could not connect with others. I hid from other kids on the playground, couldn’t figure out how to talk to them, felt I had no friends. The feelings of anxiety and loneliness stayed with me into my young adult life, keeping me nervous and reserved. But then I was fortunate to find the people who helped me change—my husband, his wonderful family, the friends I finally made. It was a long process, but I was able to overcome a lot of that tension and feel more normal. I found a place where I belong.
Then I was drawn to the work of teaching classes in a program for jail inmates, which I did for over 20 years. I realized my feelings of being an outsider actually made me better at my job, in some ways. So many people who end up involved in criminal activities have negative feelings about themselves. Unlike me, they don’t always get better life experiences to help them overcome those feelings. They have dealt with poverty, chaotic relationships, and lack of a good basic education. And racism—from what I saw, that is definitely a force in the lives of those who end up doing time in jails and prisons.
My early life experiences, bad as they were, made me a better teacher, maybe a better human being. I sensed this when I was teaching the inmates; that though my experiences were different, though I had not experienced racism, there was a shared human connection between their sorrows and mine. We are all different, but the same. We all need compassion, and by giving it I felt it for myself as well. I’m very grateful I had that job.