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Linda Hoenigsberg's avatar

Suleika, I'm so glad I'm not alone in this...and so glad you recognize it as not particularly healthy...because I took a lot of pride in the following story...for quite a few years...until something inside caused me to realize it's nothing to brag about. When I was 51 I went back to school to fulfill a life long dream. I had always wanted to become a psychotherapist. After completed my BA (summa cum laude...which was crazy stressful), it was discovered that summer that I had a brain tumor. I had been accepted into a program for my masters that was to begin the following month, so this was unacceptable! I had surgery...one in which I lost my hearing in one ear, couldn't walk for three years, and the pupil of my left eye was now over towards my nose, so everything was double. It was so bad that for the first six months or so not even prism lenses would help it. The fatigue was unbelievable. It was like walking through water. Well, I was in bed for awhile before I began to get antsy about my goal. So I applied for an online program and did it that way...lying in bed with textbooks held up to my one good eye. Residencies were attended in a power chair. By the time I was done (3 years) I could walk and I could have prism lenses...so I began working toward licensing...forcing myself out of bed to work at an agency. Two years later I got licensed and opened a private practice. I only had the energy to book clients 3 days a week but in that time I saw 28 of them at times. I was exhausted...but so proud of myself. Two and a half years after opening my practice the tumor grew back and I had to have the surgery all over again. After I somewhat recovered, I still saw some clients and finally retired after only 10 years in 2020. People couldn't believe I did that! I couldn't believe I did that! I mean...I was the one who was in juvenile hall at 14 and kicked out of school at 15! What an accomplishment, right? Well, I've had some years to reflect and my feelings are very mixed. I know I had wanted to re-do my story...and I know I'm a driven person...and I know it was crazy and not too smart to have pushed my fragile self that way. I'm now 70 and in a better place...and now an artist and learning software to do pattern design...but for the first time in many, many years, I also give myself permission to rest...with the knowledge that at my age, the goals I have may not end up being completely accomplished, but the process is what I enjoy...that along with rest. Have the best time on that island! It sounds wonderful!

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Mary McKnight's avatar

When I was a teacher of young children, one of their very favorite things, was when we gathered together on the rug, sitting together, and they would say, "Read us a story Ms. Mary and sing part of it too". So, as we gather here, this Collective of Hearts to wish Suleika a restful month, I share, "I've got peace like a River, I've got peace like a River, I've got peace like a River in my soul, in my soul".

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