Suleika, I'm so glad I'm not alone in this...and so glad you recognize it as not particularly healthy...because I took a lot of pride in the following story...for quite a few years...until something inside caused me to realize it's nothing to brag about. When I was 51 I went back to school to fulfill a life long dream. I had always wanted to become a psychotherapist. After completed my BA (summa cum laude...which was crazy stressful), it was discovered that summer that I had a brain tumor. I had been accepted into a program for my masters that was to begin the following month, so this was unacceptable! I had surgery...one in which I lost my hearing in one ear, couldn't walk for three years, and the pupil of my left eye was now over towards my nose, so everything was double. It was so bad that for the first six months or so not even prism lenses would help it. The fatigue was unbelievable. It was like walking through water. Well, I was in bed for awhile before I began to get antsy about my goal. So I applied for an online program and did it that way...lying in bed with textbooks held up to my one good eye. Residencies were attended in a power chair. By the time I was done (3 years) I could walk and I could have prism lenses...so I began working toward licensing...forcing myself out of bed to work at an agency. Two years later I got licensed and opened a private practice. I only had the energy to book clients 3 days a week but in that time I saw 28 of them at times. I was exhausted...but so proud of myself. Two and a half years after opening my practice the tumor grew back and I had to have the surgery all over again. After I somewhat recovered, I still saw some clients and finally retired after only 10 years in 2020. People couldn't believe I did that! I couldn't believe I did that! I mean...I was the one who was in juvenile hall at 14 and kicked out of school at 15! What an accomplishment, right? Well, I've had some years to reflect and my feelings are very mixed. I know I had wanted to re-do my story...and I know I'm a driven person...and I know it was crazy and not too smart to have pushed my fragile self that way. I'm now 70 and in a better place...and now an artist and learning software to do pattern design...but for the first time in many, many years, I also give myself permission to rest...with the knowledge that at my age, the goals I have may not end up being completely accomplished, but the process is what I enjoy...that along with rest. Have the best time on that island! It sounds wonderful!
When I was a teacher of young children, one of their very favorite things, was when we gathered together on the rug, sitting together, and they would say, "Read us a story Ms. Mary and sing part of it too". So, as we gather here, this Collective of Hearts to wish Suleika a restful month, I share, "I've got peace like a River, I've got peace like a River, I've got peace like a River in my soul, in my soul".
Beautiful! Simply beautiful! Mary, I hope we meet in real life one day because I am sure your heart simply exudes joy that must radiate to those around you.
Oh yes-meeting in real life would be wonderful! I so enjoy your writing, your musings, your humor, your authenticity. How fortunate we are to have both found The Isolation Journals...a joint connection to those who feel alone and then realize that other Big Hearts are out there.
Suleika you had me in tears! You remind me of myself in so many ways. Not only as Leukemia survivors but also as a career oriented person and workaholic. Whether it was being a student or being a music teacher I always gave it my all. Even when I stopped teaching to focus on my family, I worked part time and still gave it my all. I think when one’s life is in question due to a disease or chronic illness, we go into survival mode. Having goals, creative outlets and a reason for being, kept me going. It made me feel alive! It gave me a reason to fight to stay alive. I may not be fighting cancers anymore but I have a wicked diabetes that seems to want to take me down no matter how hard I try. I’m now a vegetarian and take all my medications like I’m supposed to. Yet I still have chronic illnesses and neuropathy that’s spreading. Yesterday I surrendered to purchasing a wheelchair. I always loved walking, moving and having my freedom. However using a cane is no longer enough. And although I am having all these physical difficulties I have taken on an entrepreneurial job that requires more freedom of movement. Why? Because I am a fighter. I refuse to give up! I refuse to surrender my mind, body and spirit to this disease that seems so determined to take me down. So here I am…still fighting, still struggling. I am constantly praying for you Suleika and Jon as well. Enjoy your vacation! You both deserve it! ❤️ PS I am so very happy you have River. 🐾
Suleika, you are such a remarkable goddess of a human being. Your words and your wisdom and the way you express yourself in everything you do, has a magical, spiritual component that always brings out the deepest emotions and poignant feelings—-even though we have never met face to face, you and jon have become part of my daily thoughts and prayers—- you pop up in my meditations and journaling, and as a LOVER of the music of jon batiste, you will often hear me saying, “hey Alexa, play some music of jon batiste” and of course no matter what is happening within me or around me, I start singing and dancing‼️You have have touched my life and I am forever grateful to have met you ( sort of) and jon and wish you only LOVE and Blessings💕✨😎❌⭕️
Your comment that we carry forward the hard things in our lives and never attain the separation we seek resonated with me. I have been trying so hard to let go of some very painful memories and found that task impossible. As hard as I try to avoid them, at some moment those memories return as fresh and painful as ever. Your words made think that I must find a way forward carrying that pain.
I’ve been following the Isolation Journals on the sidelines but was really pulled in by yesterday’s entries..the absolute beauty of each person’s creativity. To find my way back to my Creative Center is challenging. The prompt today to rest: even more challenging. Whenever I try to get quiet in early mornings through prayer and meditation I’m immediately bombarded by a meteor shower of thoughts each vying for my immediate attention to either examine or hide from. Why should rest be so challenging? So many here write of illness/loss being the reason why they finally encountered and accepted rest. I am no different. But on this sabbath I did have one thought I welcomed: the God who created me took a sabbath rest -after he was done creating, he saw it was good SO he rested. (Gen 2:2). So..I’m trying to reframe my approach to rest..it’s not negative (“being lazy”) nor should it be forced (“I HAVE to rest after my surgery/chemo/brothers death…”)..Rest is just something God created that is good and if the Almighty needed it..well perhaps I do too!
Just thank you for all of this. Sometimes I need someone else to write my permission slip and today was your day. On Friday I was gifted a trip to Kittitas County WA and then yesterday a trip to Italy at the same travel time. I turned down Italy to go to WA because I need rest from the many ravages of chronic cancer. Also my dog ❤️. That is all.
Hi Suleika. Must share this after reading your amazing post. I had the privilege of attending Lockn' in Virginia, and experiencing Jon and his wonderful music live in concert. It was 100 degrees that day, the sun shining directly on Jon, his band, and amazing lady singers. We were all covered in perspiration. It didn't matter to Jon or anyone on stage. The music, of course, was incredible, but what I've told so many friends and coworkers is what Jon told the audience, " I love you, even if I don't know you. " So profound. We were in church!!! His work is a ministry, as is your writing and art work. Thank you for your memoir. It changed my life and my thinking. Thank you, and Jon, for reminding me of that beautiful moment last summer. I'll never forget his words. Kiss the pup. Congrats on your new addition to the family. Dogs do teach us so very much. Much love, Kath.
My dear friendS...I sometimes read The Isolation Journals three or four times. Each time I think how strong you both are. How you, Suleika, continued to write to your devoted followers and how you, Jon continued to perform your majestic music and voice. You both seemed so peaceful, as if nothing extraordinary was going on in your lives and new marriage. I idolize you both. I'm getting up toward age 80 and have a file of what I want my memorial service to contain. With your permission and blessing, Jon, I've requested "Don't Stop" to be played in the middle of the service. KD Lang's "Hallelujah" and in closing (having been a huge Elvis fan) will be his "American Triology".
Your new pup is adorable. I lost my SharPei at age 13 during Covid and I still wake up with my first thought is I have to let him out to pee. I know you felt similar things when you had to leave Oscar behind. Take your vacation! Quit working! Live life to the fullest! Cuddle, have pillow secrets and love each other like you have never loved before.
With my love, Sharron Dake (Kansas City, MO) Your #1 FAN
"One last thing I’d like to say—not a day has passed since I started this newsletter that I don’t feel overwhelmed with gratitude for this community." And we, in turn, feel so much gratitude to you for bringing us all together. Enjoy the sun, the beach, and the lovely River who's come into your life. :)
Suleika, I'm so glad I'm not alone in this...and so glad you recognize it as not particularly healthy...because I took a lot of pride in the following story...for quite a few years...until something inside caused me to realize it's nothing to brag about. When I was 51 I went back to school to fulfill a life long dream. I had always wanted to become a psychotherapist. After completed my BA (summa cum laude...which was crazy stressful), it was discovered that summer that I had a brain tumor. I had been accepted into a program for my masters that was to begin the following month, so this was unacceptable! I had surgery...one in which I lost my hearing in one ear, couldn't walk for three years, and the pupil of my left eye was now over towards my nose, so everything was double. It was so bad that for the first six months or so not even prism lenses would help it. The fatigue was unbelievable. It was like walking through water. Well, I was in bed for awhile before I began to get antsy about my goal. So I applied for an online program and did it that way...lying in bed with textbooks held up to my one good eye. Residencies were attended in a power chair. By the time I was done (3 years) I could walk and I could have prism lenses...so I began working toward licensing...forcing myself out of bed to work at an agency. Two years later I got licensed and opened a private practice. I only had the energy to book clients 3 days a week but in that time I saw 28 of them at times. I was exhausted...but so proud of myself. Two and a half years after opening my practice the tumor grew back and I had to have the surgery all over again. After I somewhat recovered, I still saw some clients and finally retired after only 10 years in 2020. People couldn't believe I did that! I couldn't believe I did that! I mean...I was the one who was in juvenile hall at 14 and kicked out of school at 15! What an accomplishment, right? Well, I've had some years to reflect and my feelings are very mixed. I know I had wanted to re-do my story...and I know I'm a driven person...and I know it was crazy and not too smart to have pushed my fragile self that way. I'm now 70 and in a better place...and now an artist and learning software to do pattern design...but for the first time in many, many years, I also give myself permission to rest...with the knowledge that at my age, the goals I have may not end up being completely accomplished, but the process is what I enjoy...that along with rest. Have the best time on that island! It sounds wonderful!
Your story means the world to me. Just know I share some of the details & feelings w/you. Thank you thank you for sharing.🤗♥️📚
When I was a teacher of young children, one of their very favorite things, was when we gathered together on the rug, sitting together, and they would say, "Read us a story Ms. Mary and sing part of it too". So, as we gather here, this Collective of Hearts to wish Suleika a restful month, I share, "I've got peace like a River, I've got peace like a River, I've got peace like a River in my soul, in my soul".
Beautiful! Simply beautiful! Mary, I hope we meet in real life one day because I am sure your heart simply exudes joy that must radiate to those around you.
Oh yes-meeting in real life would be wonderful! I so enjoy your writing, your musings, your humor, your authenticity. How fortunate we are to have both found The Isolation Journals...a joint connection to those who feel alone and then realize that other Big Hearts are out there.
Suleika you had me in tears! You remind me of myself in so many ways. Not only as Leukemia survivors but also as a career oriented person and workaholic. Whether it was being a student or being a music teacher I always gave it my all. Even when I stopped teaching to focus on my family, I worked part time and still gave it my all. I think when one’s life is in question due to a disease or chronic illness, we go into survival mode. Having goals, creative outlets and a reason for being, kept me going. It made me feel alive! It gave me a reason to fight to stay alive. I may not be fighting cancers anymore but I have a wicked diabetes that seems to want to take me down no matter how hard I try. I’m now a vegetarian and take all my medications like I’m supposed to. Yet I still have chronic illnesses and neuropathy that’s spreading. Yesterday I surrendered to purchasing a wheelchair. I always loved walking, moving and having my freedom. However using a cane is no longer enough. And although I am having all these physical difficulties I have taken on an entrepreneurial job that requires more freedom of movement. Why? Because I am a fighter. I refuse to give up! I refuse to surrender my mind, body and spirit to this disease that seems so determined to take me down. So here I am…still fighting, still struggling. I am constantly praying for you Suleika and Jon as well. Enjoy your vacation! You both deserve it! ❤️ PS I am so very happy you have River. 🐾
Rest well, dear. Rest radically.
Suleika, you are such a remarkable goddess of a human being. Your words and your wisdom and the way you express yourself in everything you do, has a magical, spiritual component that always brings out the deepest emotions and poignant feelings—-even though we have never met face to face, you and jon have become part of my daily thoughts and prayers—- you pop up in my meditations and journaling, and as a LOVER of the music of jon batiste, you will often hear me saying, “hey Alexa, play some music of jon batiste” and of course no matter what is happening within me or around me, I start singing and dancing‼️You have have touched my life and I am forever grateful to have met you ( sort of) and jon and wish you only LOVE and Blessings💕✨😎❌⭕️
Your comment that we carry forward the hard things in our lives and never attain the separation we seek resonated with me. I have been trying so hard to let go of some very painful memories and found that task impossible. As hard as I try to avoid them, at some moment those memories return as fresh and painful as ever. Your words made think that I must find a way forward carrying that pain.
It's okay if you're never completely okay
Rises the spirit in the arms of stillness and love. Enjoy your time of rest and renew. ✨
Thank you for Isolation Journals and a community of inspire.
his is the time to be slow,
Lie low to the wall
Until the bitter weather passes.
Try, as best you can, not to let
The wire brush of doubt
Scrape from your heart
All sense of yourself
And your hesitant light.
If you remain generous,
Time will come good;
And you will find your feet
Again on fresh pastures of promise,
Where the air will be kind
And blushed with beginning.
John O’Donohue, Irish poet and philosopher
Excerpt from his books, To Bless the Space Between Us (US) / Benedictus (Europe)
https://johnodonohue.com/
With great gratitude... I wish you, Jon, and River abundant joy in your BEingness. La’Chaim!
Rest is best. I love you and Jon and River🌸💜
Rest, rejuvenate, and drink in the love of this community! Thanks for what you have created and nurtured here.
I’ve been following the Isolation Journals on the sidelines but was really pulled in by yesterday’s entries..the absolute beauty of each person’s creativity. To find my way back to my Creative Center is challenging. The prompt today to rest: even more challenging. Whenever I try to get quiet in early mornings through prayer and meditation I’m immediately bombarded by a meteor shower of thoughts each vying for my immediate attention to either examine or hide from. Why should rest be so challenging? So many here write of illness/loss being the reason why they finally encountered and accepted rest. I am no different. But on this sabbath I did have one thought I welcomed: the God who created me took a sabbath rest -after he was done creating, he saw it was good SO he rested. (Gen 2:2). So..I’m trying to reframe my approach to rest..it’s not negative (“being lazy”) nor should it be forced (“I HAVE to rest after my surgery/chemo/brothers death…”)..Rest is just something God created that is good and if the Almighty needed it..well perhaps I do too!
Just thank you for all of this. Sometimes I need someone else to write my permission slip and today was your day. On Friday I was gifted a trip to Kittitas County WA and then yesterday a trip to Italy at the same travel time. I turned down Italy to go to WA because I need rest from the many ravages of chronic cancer. Also my dog ❤️. That is all.
Hi Suleika. Must share this after reading your amazing post. I had the privilege of attending Lockn' in Virginia, and experiencing Jon and his wonderful music live in concert. It was 100 degrees that day, the sun shining directly on Jon, his band, and amazing lady singers. We were all covered in perspiration. It didn't matter to Jon or anyone on stage. The music, of course, was incredible, but what I've told so many friends and coworkers is what Jon told the audience, " I love you, even if I don't know you. " So profound. We were in church!!! His work is a ministry, as is your writing and art work. Thank you for your memoir. It changed my life and my thinking. Thank you, and Jon, for reminding me of that beautiful moment last summer. I'll never forget his words. Kiss the pup. Congrats on your new addition to the family. Dogs do teach us so very much. Much love, Kath.
My dear friendS...I sometimes read The Isolation Journals three or four times. Each time I think how strong you both are. How you, Suleika, continued to write to your devoted followers and how you, Jon continued to perform your majestic music and voice. You both seemed so peaceful, as if nothing extraordinary was going on in your lives and new marriage. I idolize you both. I'm getting up toward age 80 and have a file of what I want my memorial service to contain. With your permission and blessing, Jon, I've requested "Don't Stop" to be played in the middle of the service. KD Lang's "Hallelujah" and in closing (having been a huge Elvis fan) will be his "American Triology".
Your new pup is adorable. I lost my SharPei at age 13 during Covid and I still wake up with my first thought is I have to let him out to pee. I know you felt similar things when you had to leave Oscar behind. Take your vacation! Quit working! Live life to the fullest! Cuddle, have pillow secrets and love each other like you have never loved before.
With my love, Sharron Dake (Kansas City, MO) Your #1 FAN
"One last thing I’d like to say—not a day has passed since I started this newsletter that I don’t feel overwhelmed with gratitude for this community." And we, in turn, feel so much gratitude to you for bringing us all together. Enjoy the sun, the beach, and the lovely River who's come into your life. :)