I love this post so much. I am legendary in my family--not in a laudable way--for my sensitivity. There is a story they trot out and trade around about me bursting into tears about a dead deer that turned out to be a bag of trash in a ditch.
I never lost that intensity, but I was always apologizing for it. Last year, someone reframed it as a superpower. And oh my goodness! am I drawing on it now, as my mom's earth-time dwindles to days. I am not afraid to feel the pain of this separation. It only shows how deeply Mom is loved. And I am going to make art out of these incredible, break-your-heart-beautiful final moments with her. Thank you, Suleika and Holly.
I still love my Teddy. I don't know where who Teddy came to me. Teddy was a comfort, a friend, and a source of love after my mother was gone. Then I got the Measles, and threw up on Teddy. I looked out my window and Teddy was hanging up on the clothe line by the ears. That is what I remember about Teddy. When I opened a learning Center in Brooklyn (one of the first-a point of pride) I had little cash, was on unemployment, and no window dressing. I bought another Teddy this one was dressed up like Teddy Roosevelt. I had big sheets of paper and wrote a note to families, Introducing myself as a Dr. a doctor of Education. This was unique for 1983- and probably today-so bold and improvised. That Teddy is still with me-- a little worn- like my life-but still here. Sorry no picture- I totally love Teddy's and basically most creatures as we are family.. cliche.
Jun 11, 2023·edited Jun 12, 2023Liked by Suleika Jaouad, Holly Huitt
Prompt 247
Write about a holdover from your child self. Look closely—it may be something that, up until now, you perceived as a weakness or embarrassment. What is your earliest memory of that trait? How would it feel to embrace it as an adult?
Holly, you are not alone in how you feel about roadkill (a rather insensitive label). I too study the road to prevent hitting anything that darts out in front of me. I also notice those who were hit and died on and along the road. When seeing these innocent creatures, often left to decay, I am angered by careless drivers, by the disregard for their lives. I do recognize that even the best intended drivers may have no time to avoid hitting an animal racing across the road. Nonetheless, I feel sorrow, anger, despair, and I question the “design” of this realm. Often, I tell myself that their death was planned by the “intelligence” of this design, and that they still have a future – in a realm we cannot see with our eyes. I hope.
As a kid, I was troubled by cars smashing ants, bugs, or earth worms on the road. If I saw any in harm’s way, I would pick them up and place them on the grass to help them along. Hey, I thought, these little ones have an equal right to life and the pursuit of happiness (or the equivalent) that we do. We are all important.
For a long period, I could not relax knowing that I could not save them all. I became anxious, and I tried to find a solution for this problem. In some ways, I still feel this way, but as an adult, I know that these traumas are a part of life. We do not have to accept them, but we can learn to tolerate them while disliking the unfairness.
I had a bird once. A Sparrow. As I was walking to school (4th grade) I spotted a baby sparrow (not even a fledgling) by itself hopping for cover in a nearby bush. I saw no parents. Surely, this little one would get smashed by a car, or eaten by a cat, so I picked her up and took her home. I was late for school that day. Luckily, my parents did not care, and my bedroom became her new home for about three months. She slept in my bed by my neck, and she ate bread soaked in milk. By summer’s end, she was ready to fly away. We let her go, and for many weeks she stayed in a sugar maple tree in our back yard. She would land on our screen door when she wanted to come in, either for food, or just to visit. In autumn, she was gone. Mixed feelings: she survived to become an adult and fly away, but we lost a little friend. She showed up the following spring to greet us on the screen door! That summer, she visited less and less. It was great seeing her and amazing that she remembered us.
I would say that my response to innocent creatures in peril is even stronger today than when I was a child. Several years ago, I stumbled on a Red-Tailed Hawk with a broken wing. I called a raptor center way up in northern Wisconsin (near Antigo) for advice on how to scoop it up, and I asked if they would take care of it. They took it and nursed it back to health. A year earlier I saw a male Cardinal on the road who had apparently crashed into a passing car’s windshield. He was still alive, but immobile. A wild animal rehab center on the other side of the state said they would care for it, so I took him to the Eau Claire area. When his rehab was complete, I was notified by the center that someone would drive to my house to release it where I had found it. What a joy seeing the fellow fly away and perch on a limb above us.
We can make a difference by how we respond. One day you may be in peril, hoping for some help, just like these little ones.
I have a few carryovers from childhood - insecurity, lack of self esteem/worth and concern that any problem is always my fault. My father was difficult and didn't hold women in high regard. I was often cut down to size - When he'd call for me, it was always to point out something I did that was wrong or to criticize me. To this day, anytime I'm summoned, by any figure of authority (can also be someone who needs to speak with me), I reflexively think I did something wrong and that it's entirely my fault. It's so deep rooted that I still carry this for over 60 years. I try to tell the little girl inside that you're okay. It's okay. So odd that these tendencies persist and appear to be as fixed as our physical attributes.
Suleika, I love your lamp shades and your creativity. I love your paintings. You are a force of nature and it’s a wonderful thing. You know how to harness all that energy into a creative force with your art, speaking and writing. You also reach so many people. Thank you for that!
Oh Holly! I’m so glad your deceased blackbird was actually a glove. I sometimes see objects as different then their reality. There is a downed tree in my backyard and every time I look out the windows see a yak covered in pine needles. I see pictures and forms in trees, clouds, walls, etc.
When I was a child, I was always intensely affected by social issues. Even as a child it always angered me that there were laws governing other peoples bodies. Abortion was illegal at that time and debated. I never understood how this was an issue. Don’t we all have a right to govern our own bodies. I always thought humans should be accepted as humans.integration! I’m still baffled this was an issue in my lifetime. Why was it ever an issue in anyone’s lifetime? I’m the same age as Ruby Bridges. I don’t know if first grade me would have had the strength to walk past angry mobs with a group of towering men around me into that school. There was talk about forced sterilization (eugenics) in my lifetime. I was also always intensely drawn to Nature American issues. I still am intense on social issues.
. Maybe because there were times in my home where I didn’t always have full body autonomy. I’m still triggered when I feel I don’t have control over certain parts of my life. I don’t like being touched without consent. I even will tell people right out I’m not comfortable with people walking up and touching me. Even when no harm is intended. When the Supreme Court overturned Roe V. Wade I feet so violated. Even though I with be affected by this as I’m passed menopause. I’m not sharing this to stir controversy. It just happens to be an issue that has always stirred intensity in me from childhood.
I was also intense with horses (and animals in general). I’m reality’s grateful my mother did support me I’m riding and horsemanship lessons. I was in 4H and Vo-Ag just because I loved horses. Ins my intensity has shifted to wolves and conservation efforts.
These are both so beautiful ....I've been told since childhood that I'm too intense and that I care too much. Sometimes I agree-- caring so much can be painful. I try to channel it into proper and good work when I can or prayer when I can't. We are who we are. Thanks for the encouragement, both of you (and Suleika, glimpses of your home are always lovely. I'm sure the photos will be beautiful. Wishing Brooklyn (and Canada!!) clean air very soon!
Thank you so much for everybody’s comments, and of course the article itself. I was always the “sad one“ in my family. Every family picture shows me looking down and pretty gloomy. I wish instead of labeling me they had asked me what the problem was or gotten me some help. I can’t say I embrace the part of me that gets depressed but I know now that it is just one part of me and that I will come up to the air again eventually. I also believe my sensitivity is what makes me a poet and a painter. So I am grateful for that.
Thank you Holly for your beautiful and honest story. The kindness within me disappeared in sixth grade and wasn’t seen as one of my superpowers until I was 50. How it happened we were sitting in sixth grade class, and a male student was running down the aisle to pickup something of his on the teacher’s desk. Another boy stuck out his leg to trip him and he fell to the floor and I immediately jumped up to help him up. Then the class, the “tripper” and “the boy who was tripped all began making fun of me for helping him.
I freak out every time I see a dead animal on the highway it upsets me to my core, and rattles my spirit .
Just two weeks ago I almost got myself killed in a car accident when I saw a cat run across the street and I just went into some trance, not paying attention that I was crossing an intersection. I haven’t stopped thinking about it really shook me up. (The cat was fine).
I remember another car accident several years ago I was in my car with my two dogs, and a lady was jn her car in the opposite direction, and she was looking at me and smiling, as my two dogs were pretty cute and we’re in the backseat and then she got in an accident. It’s funny how animals can put us in trances.
I have to save every insect, every butterfly , anything that has life I feel is my responsibility to respect and protect to my ability.
Jun 11, 2023·edited Jun 11, 2023Liked by Suleika Jaouad, Holly Huitt
My childhood was fraught with self-doubt and sometimes self-loathing because of what I was told by my mother, and it was reflected in the child that I was in those years. Hearing her say many times, “I just don’t know what to do with you!” could have crushed a weaker me, but my dad and grandma scooped me up and assured me that I was wonderful.
There is no difference in the young Peg from back then and the seasoned and experienced Peg of today. I brought that Peg with me, my arm around her shoulder, giving her an “Atta Girl!” when she needs to know and validate her self worth. She’s smart-mouthed, irreverent, and opinionated, along with equal parts of compassion, kindness and love. She’s my best friend.
I, too, am distressed by the pain of others and saddened by dead animals. My parents wouldn’t let me watch Lassie when I was little because Lassie always got hurt and I always cried (forget about Timmy; he was usually responsible for getting into situations where Lassie got hurt!). There’s a risk of becoming numb with so much death and destruction in the world. I’m trying to keep the tender-hearted part of me alive.
The other holdover from my child self is a low sense of self-worth, leading to people-pleasing and conflict avoidance. This trait does not serve me well and I’m trying to minimize it. I’m curious to know if there’s any way to turn that into a positive.
As the middle child of 5 but the first girl after two boys (with two sisters to follow me) I feel I got the best and complexities of both worlds - the middle child, yet the first girl. I soon found that making others laugh was a way of being seen, but also it needed to be dampened down at times. The message my child self heard was that “you are being too loud, or showing off or drawing attention to yourself/us and are making us feel uncomfortable. Temper yourself to fit in. Manage it. Direct it. However, I was blessed to have parents who also applauded my creativity and yearning to make a difference in the world - not academically, but through the arts. Producing, writing and performing in musical theatre was the perfect fit for my loud, show-off and attention driven adult self. Like Suleika’s Mom implied - once you find a way to direct your intense (passionate) energy - you not only will ease your parent’s mind but settle into your most significant self.
Thank you. Intensity in creating and loving imperfectly is living fully! though not without tears. Without passion there is no compassion. For me it begins with letting the “wonder child” (HP) out of his cupboard closet. Going with the inspiration, not being afraid to travel to a new country. Making new friends on the way. Sometimes whirling dervishes of love and art making. Life is gift.
It is troubling to read these comments and realize how many others carry difficult memories from childhood that haunt them as adults. I have always been jealous of people who speak glowingly and lovingly of their parents and the way they were raised because my memories are mostly traumatic. Some of us weren’t so lucky, and we carry the burden of all that pain and insecurity with us for life.
As a child, and later as a young adult, I had difficulty talking to people. Perhaps because of the abuse I suffered, I didn’t think anyone could possibly be interested in what I had to say. I’m the kind who would shut down in a group conversation, afraid to open my mouth, afraid I'd sound silly.
But as I grew and matured I learned to manage my insecurities better. And one thing I realized was that not talking much isn’t so bad in that you can be a good listener. Now, when I’m visiting with friends, I am the one who asks good questions that get everyone else talking. That way I can just sit back and enjoy the conversation going on, lessening any stress I feel. Over time I’ve become less self-conscious about hearing myself talk and find that people actually enjoy what I have to say.
I wish I could tell my younger self to hang on and be patient. You will grow, dear, you'll improve your communication skills; someday you’ll realize you’re ok the way you are.
Everything about the post from you Suleika & Holly touches my heartstrings! I was often told "Don't be so shy!" as a child....and beyond. As I've grown older, I take notice, try to understand and be gentle with this way of knowing and being in life.
My biggest holdover from my childhood isn't anything material or something you can see. I guess maybe feel. That would be my fear of heights. Yes I did perceive as an embarrassment because thats how it was talked about for so long by people around me. Growing up as an adult that thinking stuck with me and had really limited things. I say had because that changed last year . When my daughter had to be admitted to sick kids and floor we were staying was on the 8th floor. Which before we got up there I was having little personal panic attacks no one could see or so I thought. This experience with this hospital and nurses was a blessing. It was a 8pm into a latenight discussion i had with this wonderful nurse. My daughter wanted chips and I was too chicken to go downstairs and the face the atrium area. We managed to get crackers for my daughter instead. After that was settled i was upfront with the nurse by telling her my fear of heights got in the way of getting my daughter what she wanted. The discussion we had about that was so incredibly positive about that like nothing I've experienced before. Her words took away the shame I've been living with for years. During our time there i did overcome my fear of walking by the atrium and sitting near this big window that looks out on to the street. Actually say on the bench for a few minutes which i never thought I'd be able to do. Now when I'm faced with this situation this nurses words are in my head and it gives me the courage to at least try and see. It's because of this and how she helped our family in general i filed a nomation with the hospital for her efforts to be recognized. Thank you for doing this forum Sulieka. Its been a great way for me to explore and deal with 2022 much better.
I love this post so much. I am legendary in my family--not in a laudable way--for my sensitivity. There is a story they trot out and trade around about me bursting into tears about a dead deer that turned out to be a bag of trash in a ditch.
I never lost that intensity, but I was always apologizing for it. Last year, someone reframed it as a superpower. And oh my goodness! am I drawing on it now, as my mom's earth-time dwindles to days. I am not afraid to feel the pain of this separation. It only shows how deeply Mom is loved. And I am going to make art out of these incredible, break-your-heart-beautiful final moments with her. Thank you, Suleika and Holly.
I still love my Teddy. I don't know where who Teddy came to me. Teddy was a comfort, a friend, and a source of love after my mother was gone. Then I got the Measles, and threw up on Teddy. I looked out my window and Teddy was hanging up on the clothe line by the ears. That is what I remember about Teddy. When I opened a learning Center in Brooklyn (one of the first-a point of pride) I had little cash, was on unemployment, and no window dressing. I bought another Teddy this one was dressed up like Teddy Roosevelt. I had big sheets of paper and wrote a note to families, Introducing myself as a Dr. a doctor of Education. This was unique for 1983- and probably today-so bold and improvised. That Teddy is still with me-- a little worn- like my life-but still here. Sorry no picture- I totally love Teddy's and basically most creatures as we are family.. cliche.
Prompt 247
Write about a holdover from your child self. Look closely—it may be something that, up until now, you perceived as a weakness or embarrassment. What is your earliest memory of that trait? How would it feel to embrace it as an adult?
Holly, you are not alone in how you feel about roadkill (a rather insensitive label). I too study the road to prevent hitting anything that darts out in front of me. I also notice those who were hit and died on and along the road. When seeing these innocent creatures, often left to decay, I am angered by careless drivers, by the disregard for their lives. I do recognize that even the best intended drivers may have no time to avoid hitting an animal racing across the road. Nonetheless, I feel sorrow, anger, despair, and I question the “design” of this realm. Often, I tell myself that their death was planned by the “intelligence” of this design, and that they still have a future – in a realm we cannot see with our eyes. I hope.
As a kid, I was troubled by cars smashing ants, bugs, or earth worms on the road. If I saw any in harm’s way, I would pick them up and place them on the grass to help them along. Hey, I thought, these little ones have an equal right to life and the pursuit of happiness (or the equivalent) that we do. We are all important.
For a long period, I could not relax knowing that I could not save them all. I became anxious, and I tried to find a solution for this problem. In some ways, I still feel this way, but as an adult, I know that these traumas are a part of life. We do not have to accept them, but we can learn to tolerate them while disliking the unfairness.
I had a bird once. A Sparrow. As I was walking to school (4th grade) I spotted a baby sparrow (not even a fledgling) by itself hopping for cover in a nearby bush. I saw no parents. Surely, this little one would get smashed by a car, or eaten by a cat, so I picked her up and took her home. I was late for school that day. Luckily, my parents did not care, and my bedroom became her new home for about three months. She slept in my bed by my neck, and she ate bread soaked in milk. By summer’s end, she was ready to fly away. We let her go, and for many weeks she stayed in a sugar maple tree in our back yard. She would land on our screen door when she wanted to come in, either for food, or just to visit. In autumn, she was gone. Mixed feelings: she survived to become an adult and fly away, but we lost a little friend. She showed up the following spring to greet us on the screen door! That summer, she visited less and less. It was great seeing her and amazing that she remembered us.
I would say that my response to innocent creatures in peril is even stronger today than when I was a child. Several years ago, I stumbled on a Red-Tailed Hawk with a broken wing. I called a raptor center way up in northern Wisconsin (near Antigo) for advice on how to scoop it up, and I asked if they would take care of it. They took it and nursed it back to health. A year earlier I saw a male Cardinal on the road who had apparently crashed into a passing car’s windshield. He was still alive, but immobile. A wild animal rehab center on the other side of the state said they would care for it, so I took him to the Eau Claire area. When his rehab was complete, I was notified by the center that someone would drive to my house to release it where I had found it. What a joy seeing the fellow fly away and perch on a limb above us.
We can make a difference by how we respond. One day you may be in peril, hoping for some help, just like these little ones.
I have a few carryovers from childhood - insecurity, lack of self esteem/worth and concern that any problem is always my fault. My father was difficult and didn't hold women in high regard. I was often cut down to size - When he'd call for me, it was always to point out something I did that was wrong or to criticize me. To this day, anytime I'm summoned, by any figure of authority (can also be someone who needs to speak with me), I reflexively think I did something wrong and that it's entirely my fault. It's so deep rooted that I still carry this for over 60 years. I try to tell the little girl inside that you're okay. It's okay. So odd that these tendencies persist and appear to be as fixed as our physical attributes.
Suleika, I love your lamp shades and your creativity. I love your paintings. You are a force of nature and it’s a wonderful thing. You know how to harness all that energy into a creative force with your art, speaking and writing. You also reach so many people. Thank you for that!
Oh Holly! I’m so glad your deceased blackbird was actually a glove. I sometimes see objects as different then their reality. There is a downed tree in my backyard and every time I look out the windows see a yak covered in pine needles. I see pictures and forms in trees, clouds, walls, etc.
When I was a child, I was always intensely affected by social issues. Even as a child it always angered me that there were laws governing other peoples bodies. Abortion was illegal at that time and debated. I never understood how this was an issue. Don’t we all have a right to govern our own bodies. I always thought humans should be accepted as humans.integration! I’m still baffled this was an issue in my lifetime. Why was it ever an issue in anyone’s lifetime? I’m the same age as Ruby Bridges. I don’t know if first grade me would have had the strength to walk past angry mobs with a group of towering men around me into that school. There was talk about forced sterilization (eugenics) in my lifetime. I was also always intensely drawn to Nature American issues. I still am intense on social issues.
. Maybe because there were times in my home where I didn’t always have full body autonomy. I’m still triggered when I feel I don’t have control over certain parts of my life. I don’t like being touched without consent. I even will tell people right out I’m not comfortable with people walking up and touching me. Even when no harm is intended. When the Supreme Court overturned Roe V. Wade I feet so violated. Even though I with be affected by this as I’m passed menopause. I’m not sharing this to stir controversy. It just happens to be an issue that has always stirred intensity in me from childhood.
I was also intense with horses (and animals in general). I’m reality’s grateful my mother did support me I’m riding and horsemanship lessons. I was in 4H and Vo-Ag just because I loved horses. Ins my intensity has shifted to wolves and conservation efforts.
These are both so beautiful ....I've been told since childhood that I'm too intense and that I care too much. Sometimes I agree-- caring so much can be painful. I try to channel it into proper and good work when I can or prayer when I can't. We are who we are. Thanks for the encouragement, both of you (and Suleika, glimpses of your home are always lovely. I'm sure the photos will be beautiful. Wishing Brooklyn (and Canada!!) clean air very soon!
Thank you so much for everybody’s comments, and of course the article itself. I was always the “sad one“ in my family. Every family picture shows me looking down and pretty gloomy. I wish instead of labeling me they had asked me what the problem was or gotten me some help. I can’t say I embrace the part of me that gets depressed but I know now that it is just one part of me and that I will come up to the air again eventually. I also believe my sensitivity is what makes me a poet and a painter. So I am grateful for that.
Thank you Holly for your beautiful and honest story. The kindness within me disappeared in sixth grade and wasn’t seen as one of my superpowers until I was 50. How it happened we were sitting in sixth grade class, and a male student was running down the aisle to pickup something of his on the teacher’s desk. Another boy stuck out his leg to trip him and he fell to the floor and I immediately jumped up to help him up. Then the class, the “tripper” and “the boy who was tripped all began making fun of me for helping him.
I freak out every time I see a dead animal on the highway it upsets me to my core, and rattles my spirit .
Just two weeks ago I almost got myself killed in a car accident when I saw a cat run across the street and I just went into some trance, not paying attention that I was crossing an intersection. I haven’t stopped thinking about it really shook me up. (The cat was fine).
I remember another car accident several years ago I was in my car with my two dogs, and a lady was jn her car in the opposite direction, and she was looking at me and smiling, as my two dogs were pretty cute and we’re in the backseat and then she got in an accident. It’s funny how animals can put us in trances.
I have to save every insect, every butterfly , anything that has life I feel is my responsibility to respect and protect to my ability.
My childhood was fraught with self-doubt and sometimes self-loathing because of what I was told by my mother, and it was reflected in the child that I was in those years. Hearing her say many times, “I just don’t know what to do with you!” could have crushed a weaker me, but my dad and grandma scooped me up and assured me that I was wonderful.
There is no difference in the young Peg from back then and the seasoned and experienced Peg of today. I brought that Peg with me, my arm around her shoulder, giving her an “Atta Girl!” when she needs to know and validate her self worth. She’s smart-mouthed, irreverent, and opinionated, along with equal parts of compassion, kindness and love. She’s my best friend.
I, too, am distressed by the pain of others and saddened by dead animals. My parents wouldn’t let me watch Lassie when I was little because Lassie always got hurt and I always cried (forget about Timmy; he was usually responsible for getting into situations where Lassie got hurt!). There’s a risk of becoming numb with so much death and destruction in the world. I’m trying to keep the tender-hearted part of me alive.
The other holdover from my child self is a low sense of self-worth, leading to people-pleasing and conflict avoidance. This trait does not serve me well and I’m trying to minimize it. I’m curious to know if there’s any way to turn that into a positive.
Thank you both for sharing. ❤️
As the middle child of 5 but the first girl after two boys (with two sisters to follow me) I feel I got the best and complexities of both worlds - the middle child, yet the first girl. I soon found that making others laugh was a way of being seen, but also it needed to be dampened down at times. The message my child self heard was that “you are being too loud, or showing off or drawing attention to yourself/us and are making us feel uncomfortable. Temper yourself to fit in. Manage it. Direct it. However, I was blessed to have parents who also applauded my creativity and yearning to make a difference in the world - not academically, but through the arts. Producing, writing and performing in musical theatre was the perfect fit for my loud, show-off and attention driven adult self. Like Suleika’s Mom implied - once you find a way to direct your intense (passionate) energy - you not only will ease your parent’s mind but settle into your most significant self.
Thank you. Intensity in creating and loving imperfectly is living fully! though not without tears. Without passion there is no compassion. For me it begins with letting the “wonder child” (HP) out of his cupboard closet. Going with the inspiration, not being afraid to travel to a new country. Making new friends on the way. Sometimes whirling dervishes of love and art making. Life is gift.
It is troubling to read these comments and realize how many others carry difficult memories from childhood that haunt them as adults. I have always been jealous of people who speak glowingly and lovingly of their parents and the way they were raised because my memories are mostly traumatic. Some of us weren’t so lucky, and we carry the burden of all that pain and insecurity with us for life.
As a child, and later as a young adult, I had difficulty talking to people. Perhaps because of the abuse I suffered, I didn’t think anyone could possibly be interested in what I had to say. I’m the kind who would shut down in a group conversation, afraid to open my mouth, afraid I'd sound silly.
But as I grew and matured I learned to manage my insecurities better. And one thing I realized was that not talking much isn’t so bad in that you can be a good listener. Now, when I’m visiting with friends, I am the one who asks good questions that get everyone else talking. That way I can just sit back and enjoy the conversation going on, lessening any stress I feel. Over time I’ve become less self-conscious about hearing myself talk and find that people actually enjoy what I have to say.
I wish I could tell my younger self to hang on and be patient. You will grow, dear, you'll improve your communication skills; someday you’ll realize you’re ok the way you are.
Everything about the post from you Suleika & Holly touches my heartstrings! I was often told "Don't be so shy!" as a child....and beyond. As I've grown older, I take notice, try to understand and be gentle with this way of knowing and being in life.
My biggest holdover from my childhood isn't anything material or something you can see. I guess maybe feel. That would be my fear of heights. Yes I did perceive as an embarrassment because thats how it was talked about for so long by people around me. Growing up as an adult that thinking stuck with me and had really limited things. I say had because that changed last year . When my daughter had to be admitted to sick kids and floor we were staying was on the 8th floor. Which before we got up there I was having little personal panic attacks no one could see or so I thought. This experience with this hospital and nurses was a blessing. It was a 8pm into a latenight discussion i had with this wonderful nurse. My daughter wanted chips and I was too chicken to go downstairs and the face the atrium area. We managed to get crackers for my daughter instead. After that was settled i was upfront with the nurse by telling her my fear of heights got in the way of getting my daughter what she wanted. The discussion we had about that was so incredibly positive about that like nothing I've experienced before. Her words took away the shame I've been living with for years. During our time there i did overcome my fear of walking by the atrium and sitting near this big window that looks out on to the street. Actually say on the bench for a few minutes which i never thought I'd be able to do. Now when I'm faced with this situation this nurses words are in my head and it gives me the courage to at least try and see. It's because of this and how she helped our family in general i filed a nomation with the hospital for her efforts to be recognized. Thank you for doing this forum Sulieka. Its been a great way for me to explore and deal with 2022 much better.