245 Comments
Nov 10Liked by Suleika Jaouad, Holly Huitt

I want to thank you for your letter this morning. It touched me very much, it put things into perspective for me. You are going through so much and you try to look at the glass full every day, with all you’re going through. I admire you, truly admire you!!! I read your book years ago Between two kingdoms, absolutely wonderful. I lost my mom a few weeks ago and I’m just very very sad and then the outcome of the election was not what I wanted and that made me even more sad. I have to look at positive things in my life, as you do to get through things. I am very blessed, with three children, six grandchildren, and one more on the way. I am very fortunate. I will try extra hard, especially after reading your letter to find the good in every day. I will think of all the wonderful memories I had with my mom over the years, and hopefully that will keep me on the right path, the positive path. Thank you.💜

By the way, River is so adorable 😊

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Nov 10Liked by Suleika Jaouad, Holly Huitt

I am feeling exactly like you. You are not alone.

When my beautiful mom died (May 2021) these words helped me;

Miss me but let me go

When I come to the end of the road, and the sun has set for me

I want no rites in a gloom-filled room, why cry for a soul set free?

Miss me a little, but not too long, and not with your head bowed low.

Remember the love that we once shared, miss me, but let me go.

For this is a journey that we all must take, and each one must go alone.

It’s all part of the master’s plan.

When you are lonely and sick at heart, go to the friends we know.

And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds.

Miss me- but let me go.

Poet; Christina Rossetti.

Take care,

B.

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This literally brought me to tears 🙏 🤍

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Love this. I too lost my mom a few weeks back. A song to listen to, too, is Dolores Keane and Caledonia

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Karen said everything I wanted to say to you! To you Suleika… It’s the flower on top of the stem to hear positivity from a dark place!

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Nov 13Liked by Suleika Jaouad

I love reading about women who loved their mother because I don’t know what that is like personally. A sort of love is how I might call it but nothing comparable to the deep love for my husband. He was all things to both of us. Quite special and Holy deep.

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Holly,

What a good mom you had and have in your heart and life forever. My sympathy on the loss and thanks that she brought you into this world to do your work and share it. Hugs, Heart.

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You are blessed with love in the present and now in the spiritual realm.

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Nov 10Liked by Carmen Radley, Suleika Jaouad, Holly Huitt

Although I've loved all the Sunday letters since I first joined, I usually don't write comments. Maybe I'm too shy or don't necessarily believe in the value of my own writing. But today, it resonated so much that I felt a natural pull to come to this sharing space and weaving together words of my own experience. Hope is what transpires in today's letter and I realized that I needed a fresh perspectives on things -- a way to keep the focus on light vs darkness. A reminder that even in the middle of chaos, we have a choice. And it is up to us to decide where to direct our energy and focus. Thank you for this beautiful and uplifting letter. Sending much love.

ps: Pet therapy is a real thing. It is really mind blowing to me to see how much they do to support us -- like true companions on this journey we call Life.

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Well said. Thank you.

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Nov 10Liked by Carmen Radley, Suleika Jaouad, Holly Huitt

A brave and beautiful post, heartfelt gratitude, and this thought:

When I worked in pediatric oncology I heard a lot about "accepting" the reality of a diagnosis or impending death.

I offered a more gentle approach. It can be unacceptable that something has happened, but one can also not resist that it's what one has to deal with.

Maybe that's a distinction without a difference, or perhaps, another way to live into a hard truth.

Blessings and peace to all.

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I love your approach. Thank you for sharing.

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Nov 10Liked by Suleika Jaouad, Holly Huitt

Suleika, you are (as my late Mom said so often) the "epitome of grace under pressure." (I always capitalize "Mom" not giving a damn what grammer conventions say.) You, and The Isolation Journals are my gift for warding off (or at least handling) despair. We (my sisters and I) are in the last stage of sorting through all that was my parents and yesterday kicked my ass up the street, gutted my heart and then ran over it with a semi-truck. In the midst of the final "do you want this because if not, if 'goes' on Monday when Caring Transitions comes in and clears everything away," my daughter had a seizure. Ihad only stepped out of the house for a moment to cry and it all happened in such a spped up of time that I am still wearing the guilt and also the massivly heavy cloak of grief. So, with all that being said, I will (today) act in grace under pressure as an hommage to you, to Mom and Dad, to my daughter and also to me and my sisters. We have all lost and we have all gained, each in our own way. Thank you, Suleika.

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Hugs to you Mary. Sending you lots of love.🩷

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Thank you, Laurie. Love received and so appreciated.

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You do your best and now you are present to grace under pressure. Take care.

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Thank you, Rachel. "Grace under pressure" was yardwork yesterday and it ehlped, if only for the time I was doing it.

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Sending hugs to you and your sisters and your daughter.

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Cathryn, thank you! Hugs received!

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That’s a lot Mary. I hope today was a better day. Hugs.

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Thank you, Ilene, it was a doozy of a day. Yesterday was better. I feel kind of like the aftershocks after a big earthquake.

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Nov 10Liked by Holly Huitt, Suleika Jaouad, Carmen Radley

Dear Suleika,

You continue to inspire me as I struggle with pancreatic cancer. I just completed 11 cycles of chemo over 22 weeks and now I await surgery at the end of this month. Yes, we must look for the small wins in everyday life or “bonuses.” Although there are moments when such gifts don’t seem enough, I’m reminded of the positive outlook by others in similar circumstances and that alone makes the difference until the dark clouds pass. Thank you.

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Sending healing

from your online community member. Breathe and take care.

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Sending love to you Daniel.

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Nov 10Liked by Suleika Jaouad, Carmen Radley, Holly Huitt

A prompt for warding off despair-

Snuggling with Olympia my kitty

Seeing a child learning to walk

Making my bed and loving the colors

Reading a kind note

Crying

Opening my Memory box ( near my heart)

Grinding Peanuts and having a Royal Peanut butter on Flatbread treat

Unlocking buried dreams.

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Nov 10Liked by Holly Huitt, Suleika Jaouad

Thank you Suleika for this mornings prompt and the graciousness and positivity you carry. I felt a bit shell shocked after the election results came in. I was outside at 2 am with Rayder. But the sun came out. And there is nothing to can do to change what happened, I decided to just get up and do my best. Try to smile and be kind. It doesn’t mean I’ll be complicit.

A while ago I looked up Pat’s website and watched her documentary. Her website was up on my search engine one day. I wondered if someone is trying to direct me. I’ve also. Even inspired by Suleika, I looked up volunteer opportunities on the American Cancer Society website. I started the process to see if I qualify to drive patients to and from appointments. I may need to take a special driving class so I’m looking into that. I think putting some good back into the world. If this doesn’t work I’ll look to other volunteer options. Maybe help at the horse rescue. I’m kind of introverted, shy and can be cynical but I genuinely do like helping people. I always thought I’d like to volunteer at High Hopes which is a riding program for “disabled” riders. So finding a way to give back is on the top of my list.

Do my list looks like this. More if a note to self

Get up every day.

Be grateful. You woke up. There is possibilities in the world.

Give myself permission to feel like I feel. It’s ok,to not be ok with some things.

Try to love the hard to life

Connect with nature.

Walk the dogs (a lot)

Pet the dogs, hug the dogs,cuddle with the dogs. It’s all about the dogs.

Do something creative even if it’s small.

Nap ( that’s a given)

Exercise and eat healthy

Don’t dwell

If you slip forgive yourself and reset.

Listen to your intuition.

If you’re tired and can’t do something it’s ok.

Get your passport!!!

Send love and healing into the world.

Tell anxiety girl to shut the eff up.

Do one thing to improve the house even if it’s a very small thing.

Hope everyone is doubt well and staying positive after the election. I know it’s hard but carry on. Sending love to you Suleika. Every day you’re in my thoughts. Congrats on the Grammy nominations. And thank you for TIJ. I look forward to these prompts. They’re a highlight of my week.

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Thanks for these words. “Tell anxiety girl to shut the eff up” made me laugh, and laughter is good and has felt in short supply for me these last few days…

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I try. Sometimes she won’t kuseeb though.

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Do one thing to improve the house!! Okay, I’ll go reshelve all the cookbooks I’ve left around this week! Thank you for a concrete plan

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Love your list

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There is a book I love called The book that wouldn’t Burn. There is a character named EVar and I think of that book when I see your name. Excellent book.

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Nov 10Liked by Holly Huitt, Carmen Radley, Suleika Jaouad

Aww...River! Suleika, I teared up thinking of you at that appointment. We NEED people to care about us when we are ill and it's hard to hear, "I'm sorry," when what we need is, "Of course! You are important and our priority!" I'm also experiencing medical "stuff," and know the feeling of wishing it all away and having to re-sink into it and accept. The things that stand with me are the stars and the moon. After the election I woke up and went to the window. The stars were brighter than I've ever seen them...faithful and true...they will not change. I drew a deep breath and thought, "Yes, we can do this." I just got a new gratitude journal and each day we write three things we are grateful for. I do find it a good counterbalance to the dread and worry and fear as I wait for yet another MRI result. Also...just stopping. Giving my usually driven self a break if I'm "done." I love that. I used to tell people, "I'm at the point..." and that is what I meant.

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May you continue bring the light of the night and early morning sky into your healing.

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Brave and wild, Suleika! Thank you for your voice.

River has the sweetest eyes—soft and empathetic.

What we lean into during struggles and health stuff are ways to nourish our hearts and to navigate the waves of emotions and obstacles. It’s different for us all this ride into the unknown. For me, to have practices like stargazing or the noticings of the moon or snuggling with the hounds or sheer escapism into Ina Garten’s Secret Garden and kitchen of magical concoctions or sitting with a simple poem or music or quiet… and sometimes tears and fury bloom. And sometimes gallow’s humor and sometimes the unexpected Woodpecker or fawn in the tall grasses. And what is it about goats? And soft blankets and dark chocolate. I’m rambling… and this one from Wendell Berry

When despair for the world grows in me

and I wake in the night at the least sound

in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,

I go and lie down where the wood drake

rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.

I come into the peace of wild things

who do not tax their lives with forethought

of grief. I come into the presence of still water.

And I feel above me the day-blind stars

waiting with their light. For a time

I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

Love to you all. ♥️💫🌕🍫📚🐾🛋️☕️

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I love Wendell Berry, thank you for this!

Amazing how there are so many posts about stars and the moon. Last night, as it was getting dark, the crescent moon was very bright, and I saw Venus shining like a huge star. I had to use one of my sky apps to identify her. I felt very lucky to have that moment.

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Me too! You’re welcome, Carol. What a cool moment. Something about the cosmos and sky and stars. I’ll have to check out these sky apps you mention. I like the bird and nature apps. May you collect other lucky glimmers!

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Sky View is fun. It shows constellations 😊 and planets

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Cool! Thank you. I’ll look it up. Take good care.

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Your writing is beautiful❤️🪶🌕 I also love the moon. Last night was a half moon. I was able to get a few ok photos.

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Thank you, Laurie. I’m so glad you got some okay photos. It’s not easy to photograph the moon. 🌝 May you find more celestial moments and nature guidance.💛💫🐾

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Someone showed me a little truck for getting pictures of the night sky. I’m technically challenged in some things. When I was a little girl I was fascinated by the moon. I am a Cancer after all. The moon and the rampant colt on the dome of Colt in Hartford.

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Awww…. Wonderful illumined memories! Love the imagery. Sounds like a great collection of short stories. I remember many weekends driving along the Mississippi River under the Harvest Moon. I’m among the Southern Pines now and still the moon brings sweet solace. The waves of tides bring watery dreams and a call to be still in what poet, Maggie Smith, calls “the good dark.”

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Thank you for the poem Constellations, I'm sending Berry to friends.

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You’re welcome, MB! Poet it forward. Cool. 💛

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Nov 10Liked by Holly Huitt, Suleika Jaouad

YES!! YES!! YES!! The exact same timeframe Friday I was on long phone calls with a specialty pharmacy who had apparently not received the local pharnacy’s Rx for an important new medicine (one of the new ones) that I was supposed to start Thursday. I ended up calling my medical team - office closed. OMG so I had a mobile phone number that I had captured once and it was my Bone Marrow PA who was at the Opthalmologist getting ready to go to a basketball game. But she understood and called in the prescription to the Health System Cancer Center Pharmacy (instead of the retail pharmacy) and I am getting the med Monday. Much better than the specialty pharmacy who said they’d call me Monday or Tuesday to get all the info and set it up. One needs blood pressure and anxiety meds for these things! (Not actually). Your column is a perfect description. And a so welcome camaraderie. Thank you.

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Not all heroes wear a cape!

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Sometimes we have be our own advocates and stand up for ourselves. Thankfully, there are caring health care professionals that will assist you in finding a way.

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And your resourcefulness led you to

A wonderful solution. Be well.

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Nov 10Liked by Holly Huitt, Suleika Jaouad

Oh boy, what a week you've had.

And what strength to take a deep breath and find a way to work with the receptionist and find a solution.

I think that's true serenity - where you choose where you put your energy and try to let go of the frustration.

I love it. Keep going.

Sending you love and admiration.

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Nov 10Liked by Holly Huitt, Suleika Jaouad

How to thank you for making room for us at this time for us and for you. Your words are like that one seedling that holds up its bloom in a field that has otherwise yielded to drought. You write the undiminished truth and yet we come to the end of your words with hope. To every ounce of moon and to not having to do what you don’t want to do sooner than soon.

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What a lovely note that says so much too many of us who don’t have the right words. Whew that was a mouthful but it came from the heart.

And I think we all need a virtual hug right now.

Love to you Sulieka. Thinking about you so much.

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Nov 10Liked by Holly Huitt, Suleika Jaouad

This is my first visit to your Substack. It randomly appeared as I switched my phone from sleep mode so I decided it was meant to be. My biggest takeaway was that I,too, took great comfort in the crescent moon the evening after the awful day. Thank you for the poem as well.

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Thank you for reading! ❤️

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Nov 10Liked by Holly Huitt, Suleika Jaouad

Good Morning All. With much gratitude for you Suleika. Your beautiful piece this morng spoke in so many ways. " how absolutely defeating it can be when one thing after another goes wrong, when it’s crappy plot twist on top of crappy plot twist, and how often you wish with everything in you that the circumstances were different—better." "But the lesson I have to learn again and again is that it’s pointless to fight against my circumstances. To wish my reality were different and to be consumed by frustration—that’s not a good use of my energy. I have to accept my reality and focus on what’s in my control, like regulating my nervous system so my frustration doesn’t come out sideways, like doing what I can to get a good night’s sleep so I can wake up feeling rested, feeling better, ready to take on whatever the day brings." I wrote these down to remind myself as I go through my own medical journey. And I loved the piece Garlic for the Energy Vampires. I send you lots of energy for your journey and deep gratitude for you.

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Nov 10Liked by Holly Huitt, Suleika Jaouad

I work ten plus hour shifts in an emergency room. I witness a great deal of suffering, pain, hardship and despair daily. Many of my patients have had horrible lives with intractable problems. It is not difficult to get sucked into their anguish and throw up my hands since there is only so much I can do. I have found a few things that help me to continue my work.

The Talmud says: It is not up to you to finish the work, but neither are you free to desist from it. Maybe I cannot end homelessness or mental illness, but I can do a little part by making referrals, giving out clean clothes or a sandwich.

Sometimes when I am dealing with a patient with a particularly sad and complicated life I give myself self compassion and I repeat to myself what Kristen Neff says (and I paraphrase): “Everyone is on their own life journey. I am not the cause of this person’s suffering. Nor is it completely within my power to make it go away even though I wish I could make it go away. Moments like this are very difficult to bear and I will try to help if I can.”

Cyclic Sighing is very useful in taking away anxiety and sadness.

I also take myself on a walk around the block and breath some fresh air.

Humor is a great tool as well. Look for the funny things and laugh at them.

Talking to friends and co-workers provides support as well.

Writing down my feelings and experiences is yet another wonderful tool.

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Lisa you sound like a kind and caring person. Thank you for all you do. You’re making a difference. ❤️🪶

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That Pirkei Avot quote is my screensaver at work. Never more important than now

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Nov 10Liked by Holly Huitt, Suleika Jaouad

I walk alongside you. I went to the ER twice this week and experienced so much of the same- and met the outer edges of my patience and optimism whee it’s so easy to see despair. And yet you triumphed over it - with your open heart and embrace of the cosy moments finally coming back to you. I am headed to pick up my grandson for a low key morning where my husband does all the work. But I get to take in those eyelashes and hilarious 3 year old POV

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