178 Comments

Carmen, I was gutted when I read this. I admire so, that you share with us now and with the Hatch then, the absolute magnitude of hate and countering it with love. Oh, those lingering schniblets of hate and how they pop like old tissues forgotten in a pocket, washed, and caught in the lint trap of life. One of my students (4 years old) whom I have had since he was 3, is a hard charger. Friday, he was hurt on the playground, and for the first time ever, he came to me, arms outstretched, knowing I was that soft place to fall, held on to me, crying tears of silence. For those moments, all the rest of the world was the two of us, clutching one another. I felt a deep grace fall over us, shielding us, protecting us and our deep, deep feelings. After, he smiled at me and said, "I love you," and skipped off to play. I stood there in my puffy to the annkles playground coat, warmed in a glow I feel sure was created by my late mom. I felt her presence and looked up to the sky-just for a moment as I needed to "return" to keep vigilant watch over all the young souls and their joyous play. I was officially, "glad racketed."

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So tender and buoying. Thank you for sharing, Mary ❤️❤️

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Suleika, thank you. That lovely word, "tender," makes my heart so warm. I truly don't know what I would have done without The Isolation Journals these past years. And now too, every Sunday is Suleika Day, where I will read, reflect, write and feel deeply, knowing I am connected to others, doing the same.

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This brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful moment of connection both with this child and your mother.

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Thank you, Bridget. It was, truly one of the finest moments of my life.

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Oh hallowed moment. Thank you for sharing… I had one of these on diagnosis of stage 4 cancer when a little girl in a red dress chose Sarah and I to wave and wave and wave at. Children recognise vulnerability and safety. It’s a magical gift of theirs. ✨

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4dEdited

Oh! Such a beautiful and profound moment, wishing you wellness and peace from another Sarah ☺️ Like you I was facing a scary cancer though it was in 2009 (mine was stage 4 Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma.) I stand with you now ❤️

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Mel, that is just such a joyful mental image. "The Little Girl in the Red Dress."

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Thank you. I have written about her. It affected me profoundly. It was my first Substack piece. I think of her often. ❤️

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What a beautiful moment

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Thank you, Abby. It was so unexpected and beautiful.

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Thank you for sharing this precious moment. It feels like the most needed blessing me heart desperately needs.

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Wow...Julia, I am humbled by your tender heart and thank you.

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Mary, your shared moment of connectedness caused a shiver of recognition to vibrate throughout my body. Yes. A tiny seed cultivated with love blossoming within the next generation to be passed on by you into that seedling of a child - magnificence personified.

Thank you for sharing this with us today.

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And I think that's what we need to do now in these troubling times. Pass along these tiny seeds of blossoming love. From Mother to child. Teacher to child.

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Whew, Pat, your words here have brought tears to my eyes and I thank you. I am still grieving the loss of my mom so deeply.

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This made me smile, thinking of the glow surrounding and protecting you...I'm so happy this moment found you both ❤️

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Sarah, thank you. I love this, "I'm so happy this moment found you both."

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Lint trap of life, beautiful

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Thank you, Bonnie!

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Children have this ability to break open our hearts and see, feel, and know the wonder of a moment. How lovely, Mary, Thank you for sharing. Besides old people and dogs, children are my favorite.

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Oh, yes, Jacqueline! They connect us back to that which is so precious, so everlasting and remind us of that part way down deep inside ourselves-the part untouched and forever there. Thank you!

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Hello All. I loved reading about the journey of the book Suleika. It is a joyful moment by moment!! And I filled out the survey. It would be a delight to have you here. However it is an awe moment that you are dreaming to go out in the moment. And I loved Carmen's writing. I missed that day in the hatch. I loved the telling of it and the many blessings. You both are blessings. This week has been very difficult. My mom's facility has the norovirus. My mom had it for 5 days. She is now ok. My husband and I went to care for her. I then had it 2 days later. With all my medical issues I was extremely ill. Today 7 days later I am feeling better. My husband has it now at day 5. I am so grateful for this community. I hope to see you all this afternoon

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The compounding of illness is so hard. Hoping everyone is on mend soon ❤️

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The hospital here is also overrun with covid, influenza and norovirus - it’s a tough time. I’m grateful you are mending but I know how hard and slow it can be. Please everyone protect yourselves when you can and take good care of each other. ☮️

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Illness...may it pass and leave your family. Peace for the space always inside.

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Sending comfort to you Gina. Sometimes there are weeks like these. The succour of the group and the words of others help us heal I find. Hope you’re feeling better. ⭐️

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Please feel better.❤️

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Feel better.

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Beautiful. I’m trying to learn how to give more grace to myself. My mother had a hemorrhagic stroke two months ago tomorrow, and though she has recovered miraculously, I’ve felt so off ever since. Reading these words today felt like a hug.

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Sending you so much love as you recover too, Joy ❤️

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Thank you!

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Big hugs, Joy. Sitting alongside you. I hear you. xo

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That means so much, thank you.

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Oh, Joy..."Yes" to grace, self-healing and to finding that which moors you.

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Thank you so much.

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Dearest Suleika and Carmen. Thank you so very much for this stunning prompt. Just wanted to say that, although I have not commented for months, due to my being on virtual overload, I cherish both of you, Holly and this beloved community so very much! Your voices and words have remained a cherished part of my life, now for almost 5 years. I am deeply, deeply grateful.

With love,

Janet

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I’m so happy to hear from you, Janet! It’s all a lot right now—wishing you quiet and calm and peace ❤️

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Plus one, Janet

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Ditto. Both on your comment, Janet, and on Elizabeth and Suleika's responses.

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As soon as I wake up on Sunday mornings, the first thing I do is open your email. It warms my heart and makes me realize that we are all in this together. I am so frightened of what is happening in the country and have been burying my head in the sand since November. Thank you for being our guiding light and friend, dear Suleika. I filled out the survey and desperately hope to meet you in person one day (I’m in New Haven but will travel). I pre-ordered your book when it was first available and can’t wait to read it. ❤️ And thank you, Carmen, for your share. There are mean people out there, especially now. Thank you for managing them with patience and grace.

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Grateful we’re in this together. Much love to you Becky ❤️

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This week has just torn me up inside. I too, was in a bit of denial since November. Reality hit hard this week. So grateful to have this community as a safe and gentle landing and launching pad !!! ❤️

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R.J. Julia in Madison would be a perfect bookstore I think. I’m in Ct too.

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Couldn’t agree more!

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There are times when deeply, consciously, communing with my mother produces a howl that feels borne of the primordial ooze. Still, after all these years (d. 1973). Nora del Carmen Hope Espinoza - may she have found peace. May grace also be hers as I continue to grant my own. Te amo mama. Thank you Carmen, Suleika, Holly and the rest of the posse.

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A friend recently described losing his parents as a tectonic shift. Such movement is promordial, and I’m glad you make the space to howl in love.

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Sandra, your "primordial ooze" sits with me, since I read it this morning. "May grace also be hers as I continue to grant my own." I love this as a mantra. I need a mantra for those thunder blasts of grief. Thank you.

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Mary. Grief is truly a wave you ride. And if you’ve ever watched surfers, really good ones, they don’t resist the waves, they take them on and ride, emoting as necessary. There is a place in Portugal called Nazarene I believe, where the waves, thus the surfing, is extraordinary. I’ve watched surfing there and the ocean/ the waves, are truly amazing. In any case, I thought of Nazarene after thinking about your being walloped by grief. (wallops, of course being my word not yours). That’s it for now. But I’ve kept thinking about your response to my post and just now that’s what I came to. Be well, Mary.

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A few weeks ago I resigned from my job of six-plus years after months of waiting for paperwork for a new job to clear. It finally had, and I finally made that call. I had known that there was nothing left for me in the work I was doing and the place I was doing it for nearly a year, and as the months of job searching, soul searching, and eventually just politely, discreetly waiting, I had made the ugly discovery of what boredom and disappointment over long, uncertain periods, does to me. By the time I could take action on my own problem, I felt wrecked inside and out.

And so when I finally sprang free I sprang far. Accepting an invite to meet a friend in Paris, I snagged plane and train tickets to Paris and Strasbourg - Paris because I had people and knew there would be plenty to do even in January, and Strasbourg because it was there and I had never been. It’s hardly the ideal time of year to see such a stunning country but I felt gladracketed all day every day. Dusting off my French gave my ego I boost I forgot I needed, while simply seeing new places with practically no agenda except “to notice” awoke parts of me that had been dormant for far too long. My curiosity was overwhelming. I went to at least one museum a day and became fascinated with the Alsatian culture and region. I stopped for anything, ANYthing that caught my eye. I swapped my Kindle for a sketchbook, sitting in galleries and mimicking works that either appealed or confused to see what I’d find by getting lost in the curves and lines and use of light. My consciousness seemed to even out and open up, like a seltzer when the bottle is first opened and all those bubbles spring up from their factory-set pressure, then normalize to the open air shared with everything else.

The next chapter of my life is hardly without soul-challenging systems or chronic frustrations. My personal life remains a kind of fixer-upper and my health an object of constant vigilance. But re-awakening my curiosity, noticing the surge of vitality I get when I commit to my gladrackets, has guided me to an inner place where I know I can thrive.

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Thank you so much for sharing this! “No agenda but to notice” I love that, and wish you much delight, discovery and joy as you work through what’s next. I love that you exchanged your kindle for a sketchbook! I could feel my own soul filling as you drew!

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Sounds like you are having an excellent adventure Eleanor! I find inspiration in your "carpe diem" style. Bonne chance et bon voyage... (you just had me pull out my dusty French!).

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Suleika and Carmen, your writing, and everything you offer is here, gladrackets me. Sitting by candlelight at 5am with my ten year old son snuggled in a blanket next to me, reading your beautiful words on a Sunday morning always brings me joy and hope.

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I love this sweet image of you nestled with your sweet boy! ❤️

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❤️❤️

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Me too to the Sunday morning ritual… I am often even earlier as I live in London. Lovely to feel the fellow early birds. 🤍

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Thank you , Suleika and Carmen. I must confess that I have never been part of a Hatch meeting. These days, except for my immediate family and medical professionals I don’t partake. I am battle weary, needing to keep my circle very small. Just when MSKCC released me from care for ovarian cancer, my damn BRCA 1 mutation produced something suspicious in my breast. I cannot catch a break. So what gladrackets me, my Tibetan Buddhist practice. Lately it is the Heart Sutra. “Form is emptiness, emptiness is form”. You guys are beautiful, keep working it.❤️

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Sending you love, Wendi ❤️

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Thank you .❤️

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Wendi it sounds like you have been through an extremely hard time. I will be doing some tonglen practices for you in the next hour. Much love.

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Thank you.❤️ My teacher tells me my cancer journey has been a “gift”. Through it, I have learned much about the nature of “suffering “, using the Four Noble Truths as a road map. Lately, I have been practicing tonglen to help ease the suffering of my dear friend who lost everything in the PP fire. Easing the suffering of sentient beings in the past always energized me. Sadly, I remain depleted,don’t know how to refuel.

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The feelings of being utterly defeated can be frightening for me. Last Saturday after losing my credit card for the 4th time in six months and then backing the car out of the garage and taking the mirror off the car door and spending the morning watching my loved one suffer so much post his stroke - I felt like I could not find an ounce of energy left for anything except rage.I felt so overwhelmed and I wanted the feelings of anger, grief, depletion and overwhelm to go away. I spent an hour sobbing and then I allowed all the hardest emotions to be welcomed- which at first I did not want to do- but I finally felt some peace. Blessings to your friend who lost everything. Holding you in my ♥️ heart Wendi.

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Wendy

Jon Batiste songs always refuel me….i can’t explain but the right song always comes up on my phone and it’s a blessing!

Hoping you find what will do that for you. ❤️🙏

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Oh Wendi, I feel you. I too am in cancerland. The solace and connection of others is vital for survival. Keep well. 🤍

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You are absolutely correct! I am just so tired of this cancer journey.Unfortunately, BRCA 1 will keep me a cancer prisoner. This is why I try to place great importance on impermanence and emptiness.

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Masha Gessen in her book “Blood Matters” describes her experiences after learning she has the BRCA1 mutation.

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It’s such a shocking space to inhabit at first I feel and somehow in time, I am learning to inhabit planet cancer with the other cancernauts. Rest and respite from the daily physical and emotional grind. I wish you ease and comfort in the gaps.

Hold on tight or loosely depending on what lands I guess. 🤍🤍🤍

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Thank you.❤️

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Suleika, I cannot wait to hold your book in my hands and to see you on tour. It’s extraordinary that this community you created is approaching its five-year anniversary. As I’ve said many times, TIJ literally changed my life.

Carmen, I adore you and I remember that day you wrote about so clearly. I know that violation felt so personal to you and I was so grateful that you were able to feel the support surrounding you in The Hatch. What a great prompt for today. I’m going to journal on it later. Xo

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❤️❤️❤️

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I too cannot wait to hold it in my hands. The thing of it! 🤍

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I love this prompt. For a long while, I have had an idea for another 100-day project - one that related to correspondence with my grandmother, but hadn’t taken it up. I decided that Monday was the day to start. I am so glad I did because it is gladracketing me, thanks to you.

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Sounds like a wonderful idea—I’ve recently been going through my grandmother’s recipe collection—I’ve have it for about 25 years, but only now have time to go through the box. Love the idea of a personal 100 day project. ❤️

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How lucky you are to have that! It may tell you a lifetime, or generations, of stories.

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I'm so thankful for you, Suleika, in many ways - for your journey, for the gifts you give us through your writing and story, for so may things.

Hopefully, you get to visit non-US citie too. A brief stop in London would be amazing. P.S. seems like the survey button is wrongly hyperlinked.

Carmen, I got teary as I read you recount the hacking incident. As today will be my first participation in The Hatch, I obviously wasn't at the hacking incident, but the community you described, the coming together - I'm glad I get to get a glimpse of that today.

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Hello London person! ☺️

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Hello from another London person! Maybe we can host a little London Hatch meet up? Xx

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Let’s! 🤩

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Yes please, that would be beautiful 😍

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Let's try and find a date in March?

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I love this meet up plan so much! Please let us know how it goes! ❤️❤️

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I like how with each comment, it gets more real 😃.

March sounds good. Maybe a week day evening or a weekend late morning or early afternoon meet-up?

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Hmmm. As I read and hear the word “gladracket”, I imagine a tennis racket. A tennis ball soars through the air and presents itself to my racket. I’ve only to keep my eye on the ball and swing. That first moment of contact, the feel and sound, the pulse of connection! For me, one who only tasted tennis, the ball represents the first musical tone released from my flute; the cosmos has “suggested” that sound, and asked me to listen and breathe into it, to send this tone out into the world. As a prayer. And once I feel/hear this tone, the unknown joyous journey begins. Though I may hold the racket(flute) in my hands, it is “I” being racketed out into the world. 🏮🐸🏮

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I love this, David! ❤️

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As some others have written, this community, these stories of hardship, great pain and difficulty mixed with grace are affirming while simultaneously heart wrenching. I'm at a place where I want to move into a new chapter after a long career, wanting to believe that new challenges can arise in my late '50's and then onward. It's easy in "older age" (whatever that is) to believe that you have to keep doing the same stuff, but life is not just the same thing over and over because at some point, a loved one dies unexpectedly or a professional failure occurs to shake us awake. It gladrackets me when I discover I can do things or leave things or risk things that I thought I couldn't. I think now especially as there's a lot of ugliness breaking into our lives (and there needs to be ways to detach from it), it's crucial to have nourishing communities and inspirations like you all provide here.

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Definitely two parts of this communication to us all - speaking on the upcoming book publishing and release of this tender child into the sometimes brutal, unknown world …Congratulations on everything you’ve done. All the hard work and vulnerability. All the trust in US the readers. That’s always what I feel when I read an excellent book … just so much gratitude that they trusted me (and others) with these sacred moments and thoughts and dreams and terrifically hard times. It is an honor to be allowed into someone’s world that way. This way.

And please take good care of yourself during the publicity tour. I know it must be glorious to share the experience and excitement of a brand new book finally reaching this stage after so much work and effort and struggle. And to do that in person with all the people so anxious to meet you and spend time together. Also know how much illness is circulating and please protect yourself. You obviously know best how to do that. And I sure appreciate your note about the great value in virtual community and ability to find real, true family connections in amongst these groups. Like the one(s) we have created here, together.

So just a heart brimming with happiness for you and all good wishes for a well earned time of celebration for this beautiful piece of art you’ve put out into the world.

Thanks also, to you and your amazing team for this T. I. J. community. It is helping so many of us get through some hugely important, challenging, and rocky times. What a gift you continue to give us in the Hatch and out - even as you were/are so busy with huge personal projects like this beautiful new book!!! ☮️❤️🌷

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"Orlando had become a woman – there is no denying it. But in every other respect, Orlando remained precisely as he had been". Reading Orlando gave me great joy- and I was very young-the world is so unnecessarily serious-- and romping through life (which I have not recently) seems highly beneficial.. Orlando had the best of worlds as I remember being perplexed but not too serious.

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A truly magical book! Such a strange and wonderful and radical lark!

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Seems appropriate in the upside downside world...

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Tilda Swinton plays a marvelous Orlando!

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What a terrific book, thank you for sharing this quote and reminder of it’s presence in the world.

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