Firstly, I need to say how stunningly beautiful the portrait of you and Lentil is. You both look so relaxed and peaceful. There is a stillness there that belies any ounce of anxiety.
I love the topic of messiness. My mother who had an artist’s soul was very messy. As a child used to be embarrassed to bring anyone home . As an adult, I see how much I am like her and for the same reason, other things were more important than mopping the floor or doing the dishes.
My mother loved to be outdoors. Whether it be in her beloved garden or gathering up kids in the neighbourhood to go on a hike.
I find the notion of tidying up things before doing something, I need to do is avoidance. It’s kind of therapeutic. It’s letting my mind rest. Then when my interior click says “enough”, I get to work.
I resonated strongly with both Anna and Suleika's posts. Many years ago, I was visiting the Centre of Confidence and Wellbeing in Scotland, to do some work. The director at one point looked up from her cluttered desk, smiled and said "I believe it's very difficult to have an organised mind AND an organised desk. I've chosen the former." I've always remembered this when my external spaces are messy. It's usually because I do have a big project going on that needs more of my attention. I do have a shrine of inspiration though. It's my tiny office and all the books are arranged in rainbows, every object has memory, meaning and purpose. For example I have a Japanese corner, and a musical shelf. This space nourishes and inspires me.
Suleika - all the best with the book. Great idea about reading it aloud to a trusted friend. Thank you.
Ahhhh...a new book-sending your heart out into the world and hoping it will find the hands and heart of another. As for my creative space, I have come to understand that my creative space is in my head. The output of that creativity can take place anywhere. I wrote the 1st draft of my second book on the steps to the bell tower at St. John's College in Annapolis (while waiting for my daughter as she would pass out from POTS), and the 2nd draft of the same book in The Clarisse Performing Arts Center at The University of Maryland while waiting to pick my daughter up from her internship (she cannot drive due to seizures). I handwrite (which is a pain in the ass because I have to then type it) because I never know when inspiration will hit. Seeing my hand on the pen....a hand I have known all my life, that has taken me from scribbles as a little one to Debut Book Author is art (to me) in itself.
Now that's what I call a freeing attitude! Also, I just love how you blend responsibilities with your art. I know plenty of people who pull out some knitting or hand-sewing while they watch kids soccer games. (also a Marylander here)
Thank you, Robin! It took me awhile to understand that "time" was a gift, and I could utilize that time. At first, I felt guilty, doing things for "me," and then...I didn't. I will say, that a lot of students and Professors (known as "Tutors" at St. John's) asked me if I wanted a "more comfortable place to work." The belltower stairs were beyond inspiring, as I wondered how many students had ascended those stairs over the many years. (The Seniors get to ring the bell when they turn in their Senior Thesis...now it's just a "button" to ring the bell.) Hello, fellow Marylander!
Oh, how I enjoy waking up super early on a Sunday morning ,and reading your Substack entry! I live in a house full of creatives, some messy, some secretly messy, but my dancing daughter and I have that “organize that messy draw thing “ going on. Suleika , you are absolutely spot on about the control stuff. While dancing daughter lived at home , I would find her sitting on the floor arranging her leotards by color and fabric type right before a rehearsal or performance. It was insane. On the other hand ,my painter daughter thrives in messiness, and it drives me crazy. As a Buddhist creative, I believe at my core a working environment free of distraction allows freedom of mind , enabling me to tap into the best parts of my creativity. Be whatever you want to be , please.❤️
Perhaps the need for tidiness is a way of avoiding getting to work because you know how sometimes the creative process can be excruciating so you put it off by going through your ritual of everything in its place thereby delaying the agony of it all. Avoidance becomes the enabler. I'm sure you are able to work through it all. Your friends are so precious and kind and helpful to you. Please keep writing all your wonderful messages
And by the way, I just received Beethoven Blues and am very excited to listen to the whole album. Thank you for that. The two of your are truly fortunate to have each other.
Clutter adds to my anxiety, as my anxiety is usually based on feeling like events are beyond my control. So I totally get your impulse to tidy up. There’s also a feeling of productivity that straightening a drawer or clearing a desk brings. A quick hit of dopamine and one less visual reminder that life can be chaotic. I love that photo of you and Lentil. Wishing you, Jon, your pack, and your people a happy Thanksgiving. I’m thankful for you and this community you’ve made.
Yes! Then once that drawer is tidied I get a dopamine hit every time I open it and see how tidy it is. Ha! It’s kind of funny to say, but it can also be quite a powerful little pick-me-up when life is hard. ❤️
A few years ago, I needed to work through some painful old internalized feelings that had sabotaged my creativity for far too long. It was about having confidence in my work and my creativity. It was about strengthening my boundaries to the point that I could recognize and ignore unhelpful criticism. I would no longer allow manipulation (not everyone is happy to see others create) to change the course of my creative desires.
Also, I just needed more space. So, I turned our dining room into my sewing space complete with a large wall for me where I plan my patchwork designs. I claimed my home as MINE when I did that. I do convert the space into a true dining area during the holidays when I host large family parties.
For me, allowing the world to see my work, and how I work- even if it is still in progress, is huge. Since I am tidy by nature, I am not too worried about the "mess". But it has been extremely freeing for me to allow others to see what I am up to and, well, who I am. I figured out how to handle the various reactions from people coming into my home. I am not surrounded by artists. So I guess I am showing them how an creative person operates.
Truth! "...not everyone is happy to see others create." I love this too, "So, I guess I am showing them how a creative person operates." Wow. I never thought of it that way. Thank you.
I so rarely comment here -- always feeling too shy, too intimidated, too....messy in my brain to put down what I would hope are coherent thoughts. This is frequently my brain: messy, ideas and images frog jumping and doing somersaults one over another. Sometimes I can write one down. Mostly? Nope. The contrast between my chaotic, polka-dotted, striped brain with thoughts tumbling around and my environment -- that is real. REAL real. I can become almost immobilized if my environment is too messy. I feel like it mirrors my ADHD brain too acutely and I just can't take it. (I have tried to explain that to my husband and daughter but this is not something they get from the inside out.) I have a room on the top floor of our house. It is sparse other than books, note pads, pens. A sculpture from my now dead father that makes me feel his presence. A few photos. Many ideas have been started in there. I have no idea what, if anything, will get finished. Sometimes I pick up a slip of paper that has one sentence on it I wrote who knows when. Sometimes I still like it, sometimes not. those feel like treasures to me and sometimes I organize them. Sometimes not. Strangely that's okay by me. This has gone on way too long and I fear, incomprehensible. So, without re-reading for typos I will just hit post. Thanks for giving me the space to put this here, community. It feels less scary than I thought it would. XO
I love this comment, which is neither too long nor incomprehensible. It is wonderful to have a glimpse into your creative space and your polka-dotted, striped brain. ❤️
Thank you for that reassurance, Holly. You have no idea how appreciated it is. I'm trying mightily to connect with others as that is not my natural state. However, just because something is my natural state doesn't mean it works well for me. Grappling with dash of inner conflict on top of others...well, as I said, your reassurance and kind words mean so very much to me. XO
I second what Holly said! And there's even more beauty here: "Just because something is my natural state doesn't mean it works well for me." ❤️ So glad to have your voice here!
I’ve found whether I be a messy creative or a neat one, don’t judge myself about it. I happen to be a neatness and orderly creative. I get overwhelmed in a messy space. Dearest Suleika good luck on your new book. You are truly amazing with all of your health challenges and the amount of dreamy work you put out into the universe. Goddess bless you, Carmen, Holly and Jon. It’s amazing to me with all of your health issues, the photographer picked up an element of serenity and grace within you that is truly beautiful. Blessings to our community of love, light, authenticity and wisdom.
You and Lentil are radiant love bugs! So glad you have each other. I was just singing a morning song to CJ Hound. She smiles in sweet harmony. Harmony is a word I’ve embraced lately to make sense of the dissonance and struggle of hard moments. I too have been releasing perfectionism for soft and wild spaces of books and fuzzy dog beds and plants leaning into the sun and favorite rocks and assorted treats in the kitchen. I do crave a certain amount of a minimalist vibe because too much stuff makes my brain cluttered too and then just finding my glasses can be a trip! I’m super excited about your heart’s book coming out when the Spring bulbs break through the soil. May there be peonies and daffodils and so much delight. Thank you to you and Carmen (and Holly too) for the Hatch video. I will enjoy it. Take tender care of yourself and one another. Woof! ♥️💫🐾📚
So looking forward to reading your new book. Thank you for sharing your journey during the final moments of birthing your work. It helps all of us who’ve felt the similar misgivings as we labor to the end.
As for messy work space, I find my space comfortably cluttered. It’s not dirty, but my altar and prayer space is next to my computer and work space. Candles, stones and feathers wind up wherever they want. Books piled everywhere. Barely controlled chaos. My room is the messiest space in our otherwise tidy home.
Love that you read aloud with another. Great way to judge one’s own work. Well I am back from my big 80 trip to Asia. It was fabulous. Had a wonderful trip. The problem is that my two female Chihuahuas are fighting over my attention. This is never happened before and I have traveled a lot. People seem to think that this is quite common, dog dominance, but for me to wake up in the middle of the night suffering from Jetlag and break up a dogfight on my bed in the dark, a real life nightmare! life always has some unexpected challenges, in this case, certainly not something I was expecting nor have experienced before. Took the dominant Chihuahua to the vet to have her checked it for any illness, but mostly I think she wants to be top dog, All 7 pounds of her. So big mama is figuring out how to resolve le probleme du jour. The girls are now sleeping in separate rooms away from big mama. That is what the expert suggested . oy vey😱
Oh, neatness! When my daughter was in the hospital for the better part of 3 months. I started to make my bed. Every single morning. Telling myself. I enjoyed having a false sense of control over my life
I moved on Election Day, into a house where I plan to stay for the foreseeable future. I have set up my bedroom, bathroom and kitchen to be arranged and functional. There are boxes in what will be my guest room and office, and let’s not even discuss the basement. I figure I have the winter to deal with those. I told my Pilates teacher I’d probably do one box a night and she said, “Oh, no, one box a week.” (I’ve gotten a little banged up and I think she’s concerned about my bruises and aches.) At that rate, it could be 2030, and I want to move a little faster, but I like the idea of just letting things sit out of the way for a while. Like Suleika, I get filled with anxiety opening a box and wanting to find a place for things right away, but some space of time might be helpful.
Firstly, I need to say how stunningly beautiful the portrait of you and Lentil is. You both look so relaxed and peaceful. There is a stillness there that belies any ounce of anxiety.
I love the topic of messiness. My mother who had an artist’s soul was very messy. As a child used to be embarrassed to bring anyone home . As an adult, I see how much I am like her and for the same reason, other things were more important than mopping the floor or doing the dishes.
My mother loved to be outdoors. Whether it be in her beloved garden or gathering up kids in the neighbourhood to go on a hike.
I find the notion of tidying up things before doing something, I need to do is avoidance. It’s kind of therapeutic. It’s letting my mind rest. Then when my interior click says “enough”, I get to work.
Lentil has this effect on me. ❤️
Thank you 🙏
I resonated strongly with both Anna and Suleika's posts. Many years ago, I was visiting the Centre of Confidence and Wellbeing in Scotland, to do some work. The director at one point looked up from her cluttered desk, smiled and said "I believe it's very difficult to have an organised mind AND an organised desk. I've chosen the former." I've always remembered this when my external spaces are messy. It's usually because I do have a big project going on that needs more of my attention. I do have a shrine of inspiration though. It's my tiny office and all the books are arranged in rainbows, every object has memory, meaning and purpose. For example I have a Japanese corner, and a musical shelf. This space nourishes and inspires me.
Suleika - all the best with the book. Great idea about reading it aloud to a trusted friend. Thank you.
I love this idea of a shrine of inspiration. I wonder how many of us have one of these without realizing it. I know I do!
Ahhhh...a new book-sending your heart out into the world and hoping it will find the hands and heart of another. As for my creative space, I have come to understand that my creative space is in my head. The output of that creativity can take place anywhere. I wrote the 1st draft of my second book on the steps to the bell tower at St. John's College in Annapolis (while waiting for my daughter as she would pass out from POTS), and the 2nd draft of the same book in The Clarisse Performing Arts Center at The University of Maryland while waiting to pick my daughter up from her internship (she cannot drive due to seizures). I handwrite (which is a pain in the ass because I have to then type it) because I never know when inspiration will hit. Seeing my hand on the pen....a hand I have known all my life, that has taken me from scribbles as a little one to Debut Book Author is art (to me) in itself.
Now that's what I call a freeing attitude! Also, I just love how you blend responsibilities with your art. I know plenty of people who pull out some knitting or hand-sewing while they watch kids soccer games. (also a Marylander here)
Thank you, Robin! It took me awhile to understand that "time" was a gift, and I could utilize that time. At first, I felt guilty, doing things for "me," and then...I didn't. I will say, that a lot of students and Professors (known as "Tutors" at St. John's) asked me if I wanted a "more comfortable place to work." The belltower stairs were beyond inspiring, as I wondered how many students had ascended those stairs over the many years. (The Seniors get to ring the bell when they turn in their Senior Thesis...now it's just a "button" to ring the bell.) Hello, fellow Marylander!
This is such an important realization! ❤️
I agree Mary. Our true creativity is within us. ❤️ I love that! My thoughts are messy and so is my external areas.
Ahhh...messy inner lives that somehow transform into art. It's so cool, isn't it?
Absolutely this 😎😎nice to know I’m not alone !
Me as well, Karen. The Isolation Journals have given me a written connection with other souls, that I would not have had otherwise.
Oh, how I enjoy waking up super early on a Sunday morning ,and reading your Substack entry! I live in a house full of creatives, some messy, some secretly messy, but my dancing daughter and I have that “organize that messy draw thing “ going on. Suleika , you are absolutely spot on about the control stuff. While dancing daughter lived at home , I would find her sitting on the floor arranging her leotards by color and fabric type right before a rehearsal or performance. It was insane. On the other hand ,my painter daughter thrives in messiness, and it drives me crazy. As a Buddhist creative, I believe at my core a working environment free of distraction allows freedom of mind , enabling me to tap into the best parts of my creativity. Be whatever you want to be , please.❤️
Be whatever you want to be. ❤️
Perhaps the need for tidiness is a way of avoiding getting to work because you know how sometimes the creative process can be excruciating so you put it off by going through your ritual of everything in its place thereby delaying the agony of it all. Avoidance becomes the enabler. I'm sure you are able to work through it all. Your friends are so precious and kind and helpful to you. Please keep writing all your wonderful messages
And by the way, I just received Beethoven Blues and am very excited to listen to the whole album. Thank you for that. The two of your are truly fortunate to have each other.
Much good health and happiness to you always.♥️♥️
Yes, I think there is much truth in this. Thank you. ❤️
I tried to respond to you here, Wendi, and I was unable to get it to stick, so it's up above. I hope you see it!
Clutter adds to my anxiety, as my anxiety is usually based on feeling like events are beyond my control. So I totally get your impulse to tidy up. There’s also a feeling of productivity that straightening a drawer or clearing a desk brings. A quick hit of dopamine and one less visual reminder that life can be chaotic. I love that photo of you and Lentil. Wishing you, Jon, your pack, and your people a happy Thanksgiving. I’m thankful for you and this community you’ve made.
Yes! Then once that drawer is tidied I get a dopamine hit every time I open it and see how tidy it is. Ha! It’s kind of funny to say, but it can also be quite a powerful little pick-me-up when life is hard. ❤️
Exactly! I’ll go back and look at that drawer many times.
A few years ago, I needed to work through some painful old internalized feelings that had sabotaged my creativity for far too long. It was about having confidence in my work and my creativity. It was about strengthening my boundaries to the point that I could recognize and ignore unhelpful criticism. I would no longer allow manipulation (not everyone is happy to see others create) to change the course of my creative desires.
Also, I just needed more space. So, I turned our dining room into my sewing space complete with a large wall for me where I plan my patchwork designs. I claimed my home as MINE when I did that. I do convert the space into a true dining area during the holidays when I host large family parties.
For me, allowing the world to see my work, and how I work- even if it is still in progress, is huge. Since I am tidy by nature, I am not too worried about the "mess". But it has been extremely freeing for me to allow others to see what I am up to and, well, who I am. I figured out how to handle the various reactions from people coming into my home. I am not surrounded by artists. So I guess I am showing them how an creative person operates.
“This is how a creative person operates.” I love this line.
Truth! "...not everyone is happy to see others create." I love this too, "So, I guess I am showing them how a creative person operates." Wow. I never thought of it that way. Thank you.
I so rarely comment here -- always feeling too shy, too intimidated, too....messy in my brain to put down what I would hope are coherent thoughts. This is frequently my brain: messy, ideas and images frog jumping and doing somersaults one over another. Sometimes I can write one down. Mostly? Nope. The contrast between my chaotic, polka-dotted, striped brain with thoughts tumbling around and my environment -- that is real. REAL real. I can become almost immobilized if my environment is too messy. I feel like it mirrors my ADHD brain too acutely and I just can't take it. (I have tried to explain that to my husband and daughter but this is not something they get from the inside out.) I have a room on the top floor of our house. It is sparse other than books, note pads, pens. A sculpture from my now dead father that makes me feel his presence. A few photos. Many ideas have been started in there. I have no idea what, if anything, will get finished. Sometimes I pick up a slip of paper that has one sentence on it I wrote who knows when. Sometimes I still like it, sometimes not. those feel like treasures to me and sometimes I organize them. Sometimes not. Strangely that's okay by me. This has gone on way too long and I fear, incomprehensible. So, without re-reading for typos I will just hit post. Thanks for giving me the space to put this here, community. It feels less scary than I thought it would. XO
I love this comment, which is neither too long nor incomprehensible. It is wonderful to have a glimpse into your creative space and your polka-dotted, striped brain. ❤️
Thank you for that reassurance, Holly. You have no idea how appreciated it is. I'm trying mightily to connect with others as that is not my natural state. However, just because something is my natural state doesn't mean it works well for me. Grappling with dash of inner conflict on top of others...well, as I said, your reassurance and kind words mean so very much to me. XO
I second what Holly said! And there's even more beauty here: "Just because something is my natural state doesn't mean it works well for me." ❤️ So glad to have your voice here!
I’ve found whether I be a messy creative or a neat one, don’t judge myself about it. I happen to be a neatness and orderly creative. I get overwhelmed in a messy space. Dearest Suleika good luck on your new book. You are truly amazing with all of your health challenges and the amount of dreamy work you put out into the universe. Goddess bless you, Carmen, Holly and Jon. It’s amazing to me with all of your health issues, the photographer picked up an element of serenity and grace within you that is truly beautiful. Blessings to our community of love, light, authenticity and wisdom.
You and Lentil are radiant love bugs! So glad you have each other. I was just singing a morning song to CJ Hound. She smiles in sweet harmony. Harmony is a word I’ve embraced lately to make sense of the dissonance and struggle of hard moments. I too have been releasing perfectionism for soft and wild spaces of books and fuzzy dog beds and plants leaning into the sun and favorite rocks and assorted treats in the kitchen. I do crave a certain amount of a minimalist vibe because too much stuff makes my brain cluttered too and then just finding my glasses can be a trip! I’m super excited about your heart’s book coming out when the Spring bulbs break through the soil. May there be peonies and daffodils and so much delight. Thank you to you and Carmen (and Holly too) for the Hatch video. I will enjoy it. Take tender care of yourself and one another. Woof! ♥️💫🐾📚
To soft and wild spaces. ❤️
♥️♥️♥️
So looking forward to reading your new book. Thank you for sharing your journey during the final moments of birthing your work. It helps all of us who’ve felt the similar misgivings as we labor to the end.
As for messy work space, I find my space comfortably cluttered. It’s not dirty, but my altar and prayer space is next to my computer and work space. Candles, stones and feathers wind up wherever they want. Books piled everywhere. Barely controlled chaos. My room is the messiest space in our otherwise tidy home.
Congratulations on the release of your new book. It must be so exciting to finally share it with the world. Good luck! I pre-ordered it.
Love that you read aloud with another. Great way to judge one’s own work. Well I am back from my big 80 trip to Asia. It was fabulous. Had a wonderful trip. The problem is that my two female Chihuahuas are fighting over my attention. This is never happened before and I have traveled a lot. People seem to think that this is quite common, dog dominance, but for me to wake up in the middle of the night suffering from Jetlag and break up a dogfight on my bed in the dark, a real life nightmare! life always has some unexpected challenges, in this case, certainly not something I was expecting nor have experienced before. Took the dominant Chihuahua to the vet to have her checked it for any illness, but mostly I think she wants to be top dog, All 7 pounds of her. So big mama is figuring out how to resolve le probleme du jour. The girls are now sleeping in separate rooms away from big mama. That is what the expert suggested . oy vey😱
I’m glad you had a great trip Suzi! Sorry to hear about your dogs having a hard time adapting. I hope it gets better soon.
Oh, neatness! When my daughter was in the hospital for the better part of 3 months. I started to make my bed. Every single morning. Telling myself. I enjoyed having a false sense of control over my life
I have not read you & my other regulars on substack in a while , im blown away with how extremely beautiful & healthy you look ! Just stunning !
I moved on Election Day, into a house where I plan to stay for the foreseeable future. I have set up my bedroom, bathroom and kitchen to be arranged and functional. There are boxes in what will be my guest room and office, and let’s not even discuss the basement. I figure I have the winter to deal with those. I told my Pilates teacher I’d probably do one box a night and she said, “Oh, no, one box a week.” (I’ve gotten a little banged up and I think she’s concerned about my bruises and aches.) At that rate, it could be 2030, and I want to move a little faster, but I like the idea of just letting things sit out of the way for a while. Like Suleika, I get filled with anxiety opening a box and wanting to find a place for things right away, but some space of time might be helpful.