This prompt is so timely for me. I’m really challenging myself to use my voice and not stay quiet right now. And I’m really proud of myself for calling some people out on their bad behavior just yesterday (the world did not end, I did not implode, why was I so scared?!)
i'm 79 years old so i know in my lifetime i should have and did not stand up and defend a lot of people but in my 20's i started to look for "truth" and as the years went by when i found out the truth and justice and caring and compassion and when i stopped caring what people thought of me and what they said to me and when i stopped being "offended" then i started sticking up for truth and the people who needed someone to speak up for them. Thank you for this great topic Suleika
May 29, 2022Liked by Suleika Jaouad, Carmen Radley
It is so easy to feel like a deer in headlights when faced with the overwhelming pain the world is experiencing right now and I overcome this by reminding myself that if I can help just ONE person, there is a ripple effect because that person in turn impacts another person by their own change or transformation etc etc so I am able to do more than I could if I remained silent and hidden, which is my natural inclination. I used to function from a place of fear and isolated from others so that I wouldn’t hurt them because it seemed like no matter what I did, I caused the people I love pain or worse, they would leave me via death or illness. But I am trying to embrace the pain that I must experience in order to experience joy.
My latest “toe dip” into action has been to join a local advocacy group helping people like me who struggle with anorexia and other eating disorders and while I am at present just feeling my way into the group and seeing how I can help, just by being at the meetings is a start and I hope to be more active in the future. It is scary as hell but activism was a core part of my life prior to my illness and I feel that part of my soul rekindling - I am getting my fire back and I love this entry today around taking action no matter what that looks like and no matter what size or scope.
I don’t find it easy to stand up for myself, but I have long gotten a thrill from standing up for others. I remember a « small » incident when another white woman, older than me, stood at the counter of a little French bakery, giving the young, Dominican woman behind the counter a hard time. She finally insisted on seeing the overworked French owner in the back. Then she said to the young woman, « and YOU need to learn ENGLISH ». I turned to her and said, « and you, ma’am, need to learn to be nice! » « Well thank you so much for telling me how I should behave » she hissed at me. « Oh, you are VERY welcome, » I answered. Once she had left the store, everyone broke out in applause and the bakery owner thanked me. It took nothing.
Thank you for the reminder to engage, not burrow during painful times. Lately I have felt overwhelmed by the sadness in the world, but (after a little rest) it is important to put my own small portion of love out there. Peace, all. And share some love.
This prompt. Thank you. I wish I would have righted the name calling I grew up around. I didn’t participate, but I kept quiet until a boyfriend told me that not all men speak that way. I had no idea. Until I did, and then would not tolerate it. A little late… but it is never too late to recalibrate.
The times I regret that I did not take action have to do with farm animals in my care that I could've looked out for better. What prevented me from acting? Cowardice, laziness, not wanting to rock the boat. My inaction has wounded me deeply and will never leave me. At the same time, I know I will never repeat those mistakes.
This was such a beautiful post, from a beautiful person. Pain, is unbearable. Pain, is overwhelming. It takes courage to get through your pain, courage I don’t have right now. 😢
Thank you, Suleika, for putting words to the roller coaster ride of feelings, emotions and reactions I have been experiencing ever since I first heard of the “horrific shooting in Uvalde.” I have been glued to the news channels desperately trying to make sense of this heart wrenching, anger inducing and gut sickening event. Overwhelmed. Yes. Confused. Yes. Devastated. Yes. Wanting to hide, turn it off, escape. Yes, to all of that, too. The art work, the words, the poetry pouring forth from the TIJ community has been a soothing balm for my angst ridden soul. I am not alone. I am grateful for those among us that have found a way to connect us and to express the tumult of emotions careening through us all. I have yet to post anything and I wonder at that. Perhaps now, after reading today’s intro - Use Your Voice - and Dionne Peart’s prompt 197 - Being Silent - I will find, through the confusion of feelings, the words, photograph or painting, that is hiding within side me.
As a mother who knows what it feels like to lose a child (although not from the tortured, confused soul of an eighteen year old “boy”) I was mesmerized by the agonized expressions on faces of the mothers, fathers, grandparents and young classmates who are now planning funerals for their loved ones. How will they find the impetus to carry on? How does one do that under such dire circumstances as these? Some will fold into themselves, lost in their grief, forever. Some will be keep breathing by turning to their faith to explain the unexplainable. Some will stay angry forever. Others will discover ways to “use their voice” no longer able to keep “being silent”. Advocates will be born. Making a difference one tiny step at a time. Demanding, commanding, and creating change for those who follow behind. Passion, Persistence and Creativity - the three key drivers of advocates and creatives - will propel us forward. We will carry on. To advocate, whether it be through art mediums or one’s individual voice is the only way to survive the impossible. To create the doable. To honour those who have left our Earthly world far too soon. That is what keeps us breathing and mends our fractured hearts.
It always amazes me how in sync you are with my brain. When to stand up and when to stay quiet is a push and pull. Before cancer, I was way more low key. Raising a child through cancer made me feel that everything was important, like every moment couldn't be wasted. I became a much more serious-minded person. I just don't know if that is the correct way to be. Is there a correct way of living? That is on my mind a great deal.
Thanks for this prompt. I also felt like I had to say something about Uvalde, knowing too well that perhaps everyone else already was or some people wanted to not think about this so much. Either way, I had, so I did and I hope it compels others to action.
Thank you Suleika and Dionne for this important contemplation and inspiration. Suleika I hope you are feeling better.
When I was 10 years old I instinctually defended a girl who was wrongly accused of something at school. The courage to speak up was instantaneous and fearless. Where in the world did THAT come from?? Afterward, the girl who was doing the bullying told me to meet her downtown in front of a certain shoe store, to fight!! I went to the shoe store, and she was there...but I also happened to bring a body guard...my mother!...who thought we were just there to buy shoes.
Coincidentally, I just attended a retreat focusing on awakening compassion inside of us when we long to help but feel overwhelmed and powerless. The advice was to start small, with compassion toward oneself, and when we resist even this gesture, to not give up. Then to extend it to others we know, and eventually to the enormous global problems and suffering. One participant said humorously (paraphrasing), "I don't know if I buy this approach. What's happening in the world is too real, too big, too urgent. I think maybe it's 'good walking shoes first, meditation after.' " :-)
This prompt is so timely for me. I’m really challenging myself to use my voice and not stay quiet right now. And I’m really proud of myself for calling some people out on their bad behavior just yesterday (the world did not end, I did not implode, why was I so scared?!)
i'm 79 years old so i know in my lifetime i should have and did not stand up and defend a lot of people but in my 20's i started to look for "truth" and as the years went by when i found out the truth and justice and caring and compassion and when i stopped caring what people thought of me and what they said to me and when i stopped being "offended" then i started sticking up for truth and the people who needed someone to speak up for them. Thank you for this great topic Suleika
It is so easy to feel like a deer in headlights when faced with the overwhelming pain the world is experiencing right now and I overcome this by reminding myself that if I can help just ONE person, there is a ripple effect because that person in turn impacts another person by their own change or transformation etc etc so I am able to do more than I could if I remained silent and hidden, which is my natural inclination. I used to function from a place of fear and isolated from others so that I wouldn’t hurt them because it seemed like no matter what I did, I caused the people I love pain or worse, they would leave me via death or illness. But I am trying to embrace the pain that I must experience in order to experience joy.
My latest “toe dip” into action has been to join a local advocacy group helping people like me who struggle with anorexia and other eating disorders and while I am at present just feeling my way into the group and seeing how I can help, just by being at the meetings is a start and I hope to be more active in the future. It is scary as hell but activism was a core part of my life prior to my illness and I feel that part of my soul rekindling - I am getting my fire back and I love this entry today around taking action no matter what that looks like and no matter what size or scope.
Thank you Susu xo
I don’t find it easy to stand up for myself, but I have long gotten a thrill from standing up for others. I remember a « small » incident when another white woman, older than me, stood at the counter of a little French bakery, giving the young, Dominican woman behind the counter a hard time. She finally insisted on seeing the overworked French owner in the back. Then she said to the young woman, « and YOU need to learn ENGLISH ». I turned to her and said, « and you, ma’am, need to learn to be nice! » « Well thank you so much for telling me how I should behave » she hissed at me. « Oh, you are VERY welcome, » I answered. Once she had left the store, everyone broke out in applause and the bakery owner thanked me. It took nothing.
Dear Suleika,
Thank you for this beautiful and richly written post.
For putting into words what some of us may feel.
You have such a gift and light.
And, thank you for introducing us to Dionne and Isabella.
"Through this practice, we move from overwhelm and confusion toward clarity and calm, toward thoughtful action."
With awe, admiration and gratitude,
Rodrigo
Thank you for the reminder to engage, not burrow during painful times. Lately I have felt overwhelmed by the sadness in the world, but (after a little rest) it is important to put my own small portion of love out there. Peace, all. And share some love.
This prompt. Thank you. I wish I would have righted the name calling I grew up around. I didn’t participate, but I kept quiet until a boyfriend told me that not all men speak that way. I had no idea. Until I did, and then would not tolerate it. A little late… but it is never too late to recalibrate.
The times I regret that I did not take action have to do with farm animals in my care that I could've looked out for better. What prevented me from acting? Cowardice, laziness, not wanting to rock the boat. My inaction has wounded me deeply and will never leave me. At the same time, I know I will never repeat those mistakes.
I read this prompt and what follows below just flowed out. It’s been awhile since that has happened. It’s been a raw week for so many of us.
Day 60/100
CROWN BOOKS, ON GELLERT
Why didn’t you stand up for me?
You let her treat me that way
I was just a kid.
I had never asked
Never wondered.
Until he showed me I was worthy
Questioned
Why didn’t you get up and leave?
What?
Last night.
When she was screaming
Those things
If I’d been there
Oh. I would never let anyone
disrespect you like that.
Never.
Why didn’t you just leave.
You just stayed and let her
Keep screaming at you.
In that moment
I saw what the person
Who loves me sees.
And I wept.
What 40 something year
old woman let’s her
Mother rage on her like
That and says nothing back?
Doesn’t just get up and leave?
Baby, that’s not ok. She’s wrong.
Whoever taught you that
You had to stay there and
Take that?
Even now, tears flow
Writing this.
Shame? Worthlessness?
Belief in the shit she spews?
Trauma.
And so at some point of
this journey of dealing with
My stuff I asked my dad,
My best friend, my rock,
Why? Why didn’t you stand
Up for me?
Something I’d never questioned before.
And saddened,
With his own trauma from her as well.
He said,
Maybe I was wrong.
I just tried to keep you
Out of her way.
Don’t you know, that’s why
I always took you to the bookstore?
And all along I thought he was
Taking me as his excuse for him
To get out of the house
One of our fondest childhood memories,
Bookstore field trips with dad
Crown Books, on Gellert.
Such happy memories.
And now, each day, I’m learning
To stand up for myself.
I no longer stay at that table.
She knows that now.
I so want to be free.
Completely free.
-cms
This was such a beautiful post, from a beautiful person. Pain, is unbearable. Pain, is overwhelming. It takes courage to get through your pain, courage I don’t have right now. 😢
Thank you, Suleika, for putting words to the roller coaster ride of feelings, emotions and reactions I have been experiencing ever since I first heard of the “horrific shooting in Uvalde.” I have been glued to the news channels desperately trying to make sense of this heart wrenching, anger inducing and gut sickening event. Overwhelmed. Yes. Confused. Yes. Devastated. Yes. Wanting to hide, turn it off, escape. Yes, to all of that, too. The art work, the words, the poetry pouring forth from the TIJ community has been a soothing balm for my angst ridden soul. I am not alone. I am grateful for those among us that have found a way to connect us and to express the tumult of emotions careening through us all. I have yet to post anything and I wonder at that. Perhaps now, after reading today’s intro - Use Your Voice - and Dionne Peart’s prompt 197 - Being Silent - I will find, through the confusion of feelings, the words, photograph or painting, that is hiding within side me.
As a mother who knows what it feels like to lose a child (although not from the tortured, confused soul of an eighteen year old “boy”) I was mesmerized by the agonized expressions on faces of the mothers, fathers, grandparents and young classmates who are now planning funerals for their loved ones. How will they find the impetus to carry on? How does one do that under such dire circumstances as these? Some will fold into themselves, lost in their grief, forever. Some will be keep breathing by turning to their faith to explain the unexplainable. Some will stay angry forever. Others will discover ways to “use their voice” no longer able to keep “being silent”. Advocates will be born. Making a difference one tiny step at a time. Demanding, commanding, and creating change for those who follow behind. Passion, Persistence and Creativity - the three key drivers of advocates and creatives - will propel us forward. We will carry on. To advocate, whether it be through art mediums or one’s individual voice is the only way to survive the impossible. To create the doable. To honour those who have left our Earthly world far too soon. That is what keeps us breathing and mends our fractured hearts.
Very interesting ! Suleika , we need a front person like you to the Tuvalu 51 project !
It always amazes me how in sync you are with my brain. When to stand up and when to stay quiet is a push and pull. Before cancer, I was way more low key. Raising a child through cancer made me feel that everything was important, like every moment couldn't be wasted. I became a much more serious-minded person. I just don't know if that is the correct way to be. Is there a correct way of living? That is on my mind a great deal.
Thanks for this prompt. I also felt like I had to say something about Uvalde, knowing too well that perhaps everyone else already was or some people wanted to not think about this so much. Either way, I had, so I did and I hope it compels others to action.
Word.
Thank you Suleika and Dionne for this important contemplation and inspiration. Suleika I hope you are feeling better.
When I was 10 years old I instinctually defended a girl who was wrongly accused of something at school. The courage to speak up was instantaneous and fearless. Where in the world did THAT come from?? Afterward, the girl who was doing the bullying told me to meet her downtown in front of a certain shoe store, to fight!! I went to the shoe store, and she was there...but I also happened to bring a body guard...my mother!...who thought we were just there to buy shoes.
Coincidentally, I just attended a retreat focusing on awakening compassion inside of us when we long to help but feel overwhelmed and powerless. The advice was to start small, with compassion toward oneself, and when we resist even this gesture, to not give up. Then to extend it to others we know, and eventually to the enormous global problems and suffering. One participant said humorously (paraphrasing), "I don't know if I buy this approach. What's happening in the world is too real, too big, too urgent. I think maybe it's 'good walking shoes first, meditation after.' " :-)